TRUTH: All for Love
by Jaderising
Summary: [slash]A tale of Remus Lupin and of people who knew him best. Marauding Days to Present. Actually it goes way back to before the birth of Remus to the Voldemort's school years. UPDATED Chapter 19! thanks for waiting so long!
1. PROLOGUE and THE BEGINNING

Truth: All for Love Note: This story will be slash and strong R later on so kiddies, go and read something else. The characters are MWPP, Lily, Dumbledore, Malfoy, Snape, Poppy Pomprey, Voldemort, etc, and the cast of my original characters: Tiny Tee, Beatrice, Wardley, Stafford, Jo, Meg, San, Mool, etc… 

From Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: 

**_"The truth." Dumbledore sighed. "It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution. However, I shall answer your questions unless I have a very good reason not to, in which case I beg you'll forgive me. I shall not, of course, lie."_ **

What if Dumbledore did lie? What if everything is not what it appears to be? Important story fact is that there is no pure evil and good, so you will know that no character is purely good or evil. Everyone has their secrets, and it is up to the characters to figure them out or you the reader can too! The format of the story is inspired by hazelnut and tilly's LOVE BITES. The plot is inspired by various movies and books. The story has everything, humor, romance, drama, suspense, action/adventure, and angst. And later on, it will have some dark themes, so best beware now before you start. You can read my favorite character is Remus Lupin, and this is his story on how he came to be the man he was in the Prisoner of Azkaban. The story will start on the first year of his Hogwarts and go on to after P of A era. So basically it's the whole life span of Remus! 

Jaderising 

P.S. Let's Jaderize! Life is jaded! 

**My Story Timeline: **Wizards age slower if you didn't know already.

Year 1925: Tom Riddle born. (2nd year of Harry) 1992 – 50 – 17(Riddle was in his 7th year) = 1925 

Year 1929: Hagrid born. 

Year 1942: Tom Riddle opens the chamber of secret. Hagrid Expelled. 

Year 1960: MWPP born. 

Year 1980: According to most sites I've been to…Harry Potter was born July of 1980.

Year 1991: Harry goes to Hogwarts. Year 1 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **Prologue**

**Year 1965, February**

**Tiny Tee: **

I stood alone now. My dear Bee was, now, cold, dead, and buried. Forever gone. Forever gone. Only solace I found, was knowing that she no longer feel anything, finally free of her agonizing pain. 

She is in better place now, I reminded myself again. Her raw pains are now added to my own, to carry. Her betrayers and killers, now my own to revenge. 

"I will keep the promise, Bee." I touched the cold frozen earth of Siberia, where she was forever trapped and remained, gently. "I promised you. I swear my own life on it, and I won't come back to see you…until...then. Until I find the justice. Until I find him." 

I lied down and kissed the frozen earth. Trying to remember her precious honey lips, and trying to forget, at the same time, "Good bye, my love," but I only felt the coldness that was in my heart. 

I looked around the smoldering remains of our home, once the happiest place on earth. Now only the remains of destruction told of its place, and the reminders of faint laughter of a happy child filled the emptiness. I wiped away the tears angrily. Tears are the sign of weakness. And I shall never be weak again. I can't afford to. Not anymore. And I never looked back as I walked across the snowy forest. 

My footsteps would surely be gone just as our presence there. Snow will hide and cover up the memory, their crime. But I will never forget their faces, their names and their swaggering steps. I will avenge what had fallen before me. 

I had a promise to keep. 

**Albus Dumbledore: **

I felt it, before I learned of the news. 

I was writing to my friend, Nicolas Flamel, who was vacationing in Italy with his wife, when suddenly, I felt the sharp pain in my heart. The pain was short, but left me breathless and restless. I felt hallow, as if I had lost my heart, which I haven't felt in a long time. 

And in some sense, I had. 

It was all my fault. 

Three months later, in the early morning of May, a small silvery owl with a thin black envelope arrived. I knew where the owl was from the way he sat perfectly still with his wings open, ready to leave as soon as he sees that I opened the letter. And as I opened the letter, the little fellow flew silently away, back to his master, back to Russia. 

Inside the black envelope was a letter, written on a black paper with silver inks. With thundering heart, I read on:****

**_Dear Professor Dumbledore, _**

**_I am pained to inform you this terrible news. We failed to get to them in time, and when we finally found their home, it was just too late. All that is left is the remain of fire place. _**

**_I am very, very sorry to be the one to inform you, sir. _**

**_We will try to find him, of course, with all our efforts, but it is simply impossible to track him down, if he doesn't want to be found. Russia is a big country, as you well know, and it had taken us more than a month to find out where their house was. The Russian wizards, as you know, are very private, and were very unwilling to give us much information. All we know is a man that fits the description was last seen in the Farra Forest. _**

**_ I would owl you as soon as there's new development. And again, my deepest regard for your lost. _**

**_Sincerely, _**

**_Edgar DuMaurie_******

I laid down the letter gently on my desk, as if the letter itself was sacred. Only the pain in my heart made me realize that I was alive, breathing. 

I had failed her.

**Year 1969 **

**Efrem Kurtz: **

He wished to contact me through letters, but I had notified him that it was too risky. What if the Ministry of Magic knew of this?!! It was after all, very tricky tricky matter. I could be sent to Azkaban for this. 

Good thing, no one would doubt what's to come, but if they had known, they won't be sitting around bleakly like this, wasting away their lives. There are greater things to be done, greater power to have. And _he_ would help me along the way. 

I have seen what he could do. What his powers mean. I had never seen such force, never felt it before in my life, and only thing, he asked of me, is to find this boy. 

That was easy enough. I wasn't the top officer in the Ministry of Magic for nothing. The strange boy is his weakness, and I might be able to use the boy for my benefit.

**Albus Dumbledore: **

I am the new Headmaster of Hogwarts. The things will change from now on. I will see to that. For the sake of her memory, I won't fail the boy now. I shall risk everything for the boy, even if it means my job. I have thought through everything, carefully. And I knew this will work, it has to. 

Long have I neglected my true duty, and I shall welcome him with open arms. I would have to tell him the truth, of course. But he's much too young. I shall tell him when the time is right.

**Ishmael Stafford: **

Albus had done it. I knew he said he would do it, but I still can't believe he had done it. A werewolf in Hogwarts? I just hope he knows what he is doing. It's far too risky. I don't like this one bit, but I knew it would the best. After all, Hogwarts was the most happiest place of my life. It would do good. Remus should have friends and importantly education. 

At least I have two years to prepare for him to leave me. I shall dread the September of 1971. 

I shall miss him. His quiet presence meant the world to me. He made me forget the worst and relive the best in life. 

I sure hope Albus knows what he is doing. Forbidding him from the truth and me from telling him could turn badly, but I am sure he has his reason, and I must obey his wishes.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **

**Chapter 1: The Beginning**

**Year 1971**

**Lily Evans:**

"Excuse me. Can you help me find this platform?" My father asked another walk-by for the hundredth time now. He received strange stares for so many times, he decided he didn't care someone walking off without a word. How rude! I guess Londoners are like that. Big city folks, going about their busy lives, didn't have the time to learn some manners. 

My parents were looking frantically as I was, trying to find where this Platform 9 ¾ was. I knew they could not have made mistake on the ticket. But clearly, there was no such thing as Platform 9 ¾. 

And worst of all, my sister Petunia thinks it's wickedly funny. She can't hide her smile, even if she _pretends_ to read her novel (novel my foot, it's stupid romance book!), which infuriates me. She has been acting very weird around me, ever since I've got the letter. 

Maybe she is jealous of me going away, I mean I am the younger sister, I never did anything first. On a second thought, no way that could be it. She stated loudly that she's glad she is not a _witch_. She said the last word as if it's the most hideous and evil and vile thing there ever was. I think it's rather fascinating to learn there's this whole new secret world out there that I had not known. I would have to learn everything about them. And it's magic! I always knew there was magic around us. I mean, how does weatherman predicts the weather without a little help from magic! 

My parents and I (Petunia claimed she had too much school work to go with us, but I think she didn't even want to see the places where magical folks shopped) went to Diagon Alley, only few days ago, to purchase load of stuffs for the Hogwarts. I've got my wand, new books(one even moved!), and the whole outfit for the school with the witch's hat and everything. It was like Halloween there, except everybody dressed the same styled clothes, instead of stupid masks and outfits of super heroes or something muggles. 

I couldn't sleep yesterday, because I was so excited about going away to learn and live the magic! My mum said she _couldn't_ wait to get an owl post from me. And father made me promise that I would send many of those letters as I can. 

Maybe they would allow me my own owl next year. Petunia claims she's allergic to owls or any feathery creatures, so I ended up not getting one. Oh well, at least I get to send owl posts. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to receive or send anything until I visit home. 

It was nearly 11 o'clock. And I was getting really worried. If I didn't make it to my ride, there is no way I could attend Hogwarts. I don't even know where the school was. 

"Father, I think the ticket is rubbish, and we should all go home." Petunia whined as if sitting on my trunk was very exhausting and hard to do. 

My father looked at his watch and looked anxiously toward me. 

"We will find the platform, Petunia. Just stay with your sister, so you girls don't get lost on me." With that he walked away to find another passenger to ask. My mother went to visit lady's room, and hasn't come back. Maybe she got lost? 

"Maybe you should be glad the ticket is a fake. I knew those people were weird the moment they sent those letters to you" Petunia said. 

"The ticket is _not_ a fake." 

"Suit yourself." And she smiled one of her pompous teenage girly smile and moved her hair side to side. 

"I know the platform is here somewhere. We just can't see it." I mumbled exasperated. 

Suddenly, a soft voice came from my back. "You are going to Hogwarts?" 

"Yes." When I whirred back, I was face to face with a boy my age. He was standing with a cart full of his trunk and little packages. I had to do a double take to make sure I was seeing him correctly and not imagining it. He had a light brown hair that a bit long for a boy, but I didn't know the wizard fashion, only thing that mattered was he was real. And he was standing there, talking to me. 

"But I can't find the platform-" 

"9 ¾?" 

I broke out my huge smile and nodded excitedly. He, in return, smiled gently. His smile was really _something_… It never occurred to me, then, why he was alone. 

"I know where that is. Come with me, I am going there too." 

**Remus Lupin:**

Mr. Stafford hugged me tightly, then he shook my hand as if I was a man, not a mere boy. 

"Good luck, Remus. You will be in the best of hands at Hogwarts." 

"I will, sir. Thank you." 

"Remember where the platform is?" 

"Yes, sir." 

Mr. Stafford tried to smile brightly, but it failed miserably as his eyes spark with fresh tears. I felt my eyes water a bit, but Mr. Stafford held up his stern face, and wiped my face with his handkerchief. 

"No more tears, now, Remus." 

I nodded bravely, but I was anxious, and, admittedly, sad. 

"No more tears." 

We hugged again, and after we parted, Mr. Stafford walked stiffly with his cane, his good leg supporting much of his weight. I waved him goodbye (even if he couldn't see me or looked back) as he disappeared from my view. Mr. Stafford never liked the crowds or muggle place. And maybe that was why we had lived in his castle, away from most of muggles and wizards. 

He was my guardian since I was six. He had taken care of lost and family-less magical creatures for the Ministry of Magic. And one day, I came to his care, although I wasn't considered magical creature, but a dark creature. He was supposed to take care of me until I was to transfer to another care, but some how, he stubbornly decided to keep me there with him. 

He was so happy for me, when I've got my letter. He had graduated from Hogwarts himself, and he is very proud to remind me every now and then. He told me thousands of stories about the House of Ravenclaws, how they won the House Cup for two times in a row, and the elusive Quidditch Cup that his house failed to win while he was there. 

I maneuvered my cart through many muggles, my mind determined to find the platform and get on board of Hogwarts Express. I wasn't sad anymore, but excited and felt bigger and older than before. I was used to travel and moving places, for I had done them many times before, but this time, it was exciting, not dreadful. It was like an adventure. 

My mind was occupied with my imagination of what the Hogwarts castle would look like, when I saw an older girl sitting on a cart and a younger girl standing in front of her. My moon sensitive ears caught their conversation, and I knew she was a first year like me. 

Mr. Stafford was worried about me, more so than me being worried about what the other students might feel if they found out. He and I were very careful in our contacts when we went out, but this time, I knew I had to be extra careful. I didn't want to disappoint Professor Dumbledore by exposing myself. I told myself that I would act as normally as possible. Although, I am not sure what being normal means…I am sure I can figure it out. 

For instance, I am sure helping the muggle born witch was very nice and normal thing to do. When I offered her my help, she beamed up so brightly that I felt her contentment going through me too. And I knew I was being very normal. 

"I'm Lily. Lily Evans." She stated. 

"Remus Lupin." We shook our hands like we were adults, but she broke out laughing and I grinned at each other's grownup-ness. 

Soon Lily bided her family good bye. Her tall and kind looking father lifted her up toward him, and gave her a big raspberry kiss on her lips. Her beautiful mother kissed her the same way, but hugged her with kneeling, to be on the same height with her. 

"Be sure to write, honey. Study hard and don't get into trouble now, you hear?" 

"Yes, mum." 

"If you need anything _muggle_ be sure to tell me. I know you will miss the telly." 

"Aw, father, I don't watch _that_ many shows." 

My heart ached and swelled at the sight of her loving family for I never knew my own. As I was wondering what the telly was, suddenly I was squeezed into a hug by her mother. 

"Be sure to take care of Lily for me. She could be bit chatty and sometimes mean, but her heart is in right place." Mrs. Evans winked as Lily rolled her eyes. 

"You ready?" Lily sighed out as if she couldn't wait to get away, but I knew she loved her parents the way she looked a bit misty eyed. 

"Ready." I said. Together we walked straight into the wall between platform 9 and 10.

**Lucius Malfoy:**

I can't believe these mudbloods and muggle lovers! They have stepped countless time on my expensive robe; it's in near ruin! Do you know how much galleons my parents spent on it! Well, they certainly did not. 

I just hope I get to Hogwarts soon, and never be in the same house as _those_ kinds. I rather not go than be in the same house with _them_. Especially, that Potter and Black! Who do they think they are?

**James Potter: **

The first day is not going as calm as I thought it would. Mum told me not to get into trouble, but a minute later…sigh. 

First, Sirius was late. 

Second, he was running late, and _made_ me get into a fight. 

Third, I already made an enemy in name of Malfoy. It's all Sirius' fault! I can't believe he thought it was funny to ruin Malfoy's robe. It's typical of him. But then I had to come and wrestle him away from making a big huge fight of it. 

Sure, that boy had called some names at him, but it doesn't mean, you should stoop to his level. You should have walked away, and be the better man. Actually, I think I would have fight him too. You can't just going around calling people the m-word and expected to get the sorry as a reply. Good thing we showed him some manner. 

Thank merlin, the train is moving now.

**Sirius Black: **

The first day is going as exciting as I thought it would. I just hope it doesn't get too excited for my taste, because that mean I would end up getting a detention on the first day, and I know my mum would send me a howler. 

I knew I shouldn't have been running, when I _accidentally_ stepped on the boy's robe. Who would have known, he was already boggled about his stupid robe? Who wears their robe that early anyhow?! It is certainly not my fault that he had his robe laying around the walkway, where people _walk to get _somewhere_. _

Hmpt. I was only defending myself, when James came running in. That made it worse, because now that git was calling me names! That got me really angry, and never mind what James says, I can't stand anyone calling anyone those names, let alone ME! Then James got all offended in the name of justice and manner, and he made things much worst by stepping on his robe again. I hope Malfoy's dad gets him another robe, so we can step on it again, and again. 

Now that I am calm and cheerful as I should be, I wonder which House I would be in. I know, any house would be worth being in, if that git is not in my house. Even the Hufflepuffs is okay with me. 

**Lily Evans: **

Everything was so interesting. As soon as Remus and I went through the wall, I witnessed the first wizard duel (I am sure Remus saw them before) going on in the middle of the walkway. It didn't look very different from muggle fights, because basically there was lots of tumbling and stumping and punching. 

I best thought not get any hits by walking farthest to get into the train, and Remus must felt the same, because he followed me without complains. 

There were lots of taller and older students. One must have been in Seventh year, because he looked old and intimidating. I wish I was taller and older, so I won't feel so helpless anymore. At least I have a friend already. Even if he is a boy, he could almost pass as a girl, and he's nice. 

My friend, Jenny, and I had made a pact long back when, that we would hate boys forever, but Remus isn't so bad. He's not annoying and loud like some boys we passed by, and he didn't bring his own pet, like me. When I asked why, he simply shrugged and said he never thought about the matter. I guess his parents were allergic to pets or something. 

We've found an empty compartment, and we helped each other carry our trunks inside. And soon after we found ourselves a comfortable seat, two girls busted in and asked to stay. So Remus and I looked at each other and nodded. 

"My name is Jo and she is Meg." A taller girl said nudging the shorter girl. 

"Hi, I am Lily, and this is Remus." I pointed to Remus, and he shyly smiled and waved at the two girls. 

Meg looked surprised and blurted out, "You are a _boy?" _

"He is!" Jo exclaimed. 

"Oh my Merlin, you are." Meg said in a surprised tone and looked back and forth at Remus and me. I guessed they were in girls only club phase still. 

Remus looked uneasy. "Umm, yes. How do you do?" He held out his hand uncertainly. 

Before Jo could take it, Meg took and shook it eagerly. Then Jo elbowed Meg, and shook his hand herself and giggled madly. Remus looked less uneasy, but still taken back. He looked back at me and shrugged. 

Both girls started to giggle again and began to whisper to each other. As I watched the exchange I realized the reason why they acted like that. They were way into boys, like into David Cassidy, those teen idols Monkeys, or whatever. Or in Petunia's case, the Beatles. Honestly, I don't think George is cuter than Paul. Ringo's way cuter, although I will never admit that to anyone. 

I guessed all girls are the same, a witch or a muggle. 

Meg was whispering, "He is _so_ cute. I can just eat him up. He said how do you do, like he's a prince or something. You know, Prince Andrew is cute." 

And Joe goes, "He's so cute, but he's too young for me." Lots of giggles and then, "Prince Charles is way cuter, besides, he's going to be the king someday, you know." And on and on and on. 

Well, I hope I never act like them. Where did all the feminism gone to? What? Boys? Prince? I thought witches and wizards are not into muggle royalties. What on earth are they talking about? Why can't they talk about something interesting, like magic for a change? 

**Remus Lupin: **

Lily seemed quiet. I wondered if she was mad about something, but maybe she was just being considerate listener. Meg and Jo were talking so fast and laughing, I could hardly understand them. 

Full Moon was only three days ago, and I could still feel the pull in my body. I couldn't concentrate on the conversation. I try to look interested, but I began to wonder whether Mr. Stafford was safely back to Dafford with Wardley. 

**Sirius Black: **

I am in Gryffindor. I can't believe it. I thought I would be a Ravenclaw for sure. I was the first one to be in Gryffindor. Then a girl named Lily Evans came. She looked bit sick up at the front, but now she's even smiling at her friend up front. 

"Gryffindor!" 

We all got up and cheered and clapped for the newest member. He sat down breathlessly next to Lily. More first year girls came after him, but I wasn't paying much attention to _girls_. 

I watched the boy, who was cheerfully talking to Lily. Then he caught my eyes, and I smiled and gave him a wave. The boy named Remus nodded and smiled a bit as Lily and rest of the Gryffindors got up again to welcome Peter Pettigrew, who sat next to me. 

"Alright!" I patted his shoulder as Peter acknowledged everyone's welcomes. 

"Thanks," Peter muttered happily. His attention was back to the front, where James was sitting, waiting to be placed in the house. 

"Gryffindor!" With that we all got up and cheered again. 

"I knew I would see you come crawling after me." I laughed and welcomed James. James was no surprise; both of his parents were Gryffindors. I think it's the best house for sure. Great thing that Malfoy went to Slytherin. I hope he stinks like the rest of his house. 

"Shuddup, Black." He hit me back, but it was only a playful gesture. I could see that he was relieved to be over with the hat ceremony. 

"James, this is Lily Evans, Remus Lupin, and uh…" I looked at Peter beside me and remembered, "This is Peter." 

"Hello. Hello. Hello. Don't mind Sirius. He likes to be loud." James said. 

"I can tell." Lily muttered under her breath, but I heard what she said. I knew she would be trouble from that moment on. I glared at her with my eyes, but then the food appeared out of no where so I had to forgive her. 

The dinner was excellent, and I couldn't wait to get to Gryffindor dormroom. James, Peter, and another first year, Daniel Jones, were talking excitedly about Quidditch teams the whole dinner, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from Remus. 

There was something about him. I didn't know what, but something. Remus was talking cheerfully with Lily and the group of first year girls. Heck, even the second year girls were trying to talk to the boy. No, cooing over him was more like it. 

I could catch the words like "smart," "cute" and "nice" as the girls were talking near me. 

"You look like a girl," I said loudly toward the group, and as I watched Remus' face change from paleness to healthy red blush, I felt my heartbeat a bit faster for some reason. 

"Yeah. What's got to do with you?" Lily shot out at me like she's his mother or something. 

"Nothing." I said as I looked at Lily. I wasn't trying to make anything of it, I swear. What's with this girl? 

"Oh he didn't mean anything by it," James quickly added. 

"It's fine." Remus said quickly as if he didn't want any more trouble to arise. He looked back at Lily to make sure she was okay with it too, and I looked back at Lily. And she was glaring at me with her green eyes. And I lost the eye glare match. I looked away first. 

That. Had. Never. Happened. To. Me. Sirius Black never lose a glare match with a GIRL. 

I think I like all the first year Gryffindors. Except Lily. She's too touch, touch with everything. Can't she relax and not take everything as an insult? 

**Lily Evans: **

I knew Sirius Black would be trouble the moment I sat down on the Gryffindor table. He was the boy who got into a fight on the platform the first day of school. The first day! 

And now he made fun of Remus, just because he didn't look like some stupid boy, or act like some stupid stupid boy, doesn't give that stupid boy the right to make Remus feel bad about it. 

The prefect showed us where to go as soon as we entered the hole. The first year girls' room is near the first year boys' room, but they were facing each other, thank god. I don't think I could bear sleeping if the girls' room was below the boys' room when all the first year boys were being loud and rowdy. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

End of the first chapter! Review! 

Jaderising


	2. THE FIRST STEP

Revamped chapter 2!

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **

**Chapter 2: The First Step**

**Year 1971**

**Remus Lupin: **

I loved the moon. I think I always have. I once thought a white rabbit lived on the moon, waiting for a friend to come by. That was one of few memories from my childhood. I can hardly remember my parents. I don't remember their names, and I don't remember their faces. They are just masked, unknown beings, far from comforting images I saw from Lily's family.

I am not so sure what to believe, my memories or my nightmares. They are so intertwined together it was hard to distinguish them from fact or imagination. 

I clawed the walls, pushed against the windowless room, scratched the floors, bite my tail, find my tail, find the moon. Find the moon. 

Where are you? Let me out. Let me out. 

LET ME OUT. 

I heard the long moanful howl, and it took the wolf to realize that it was a lonely one. I howled against the bloodied room, and began my fight again. The fight I can never win. I tore at my skin. I tasted blood. Bitter and coppery. Never enough to satisfy my hunger, my wish, my dream. Never enough. 

I screamed. Half conscious mind of human creeps back, and I screamed the abnormal sound of a beast and a boy. The low growls trembled in the back of my throat. 

They said wolves are social animals. A wolf could never survive alone without its pack. Where is my pact? My family? Why am I all alone? 

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhrgggg," I screamed piercingly, still scratching the walls. Trapped in my own hell. I cried for my lost family, for lost innocence, for anger, for frustration and for sadness I felt all my life. 

Back in Dafford, I've never felt this burden on my chest. I knew that even if my reasonable human mind tried to ignore the fact, my dark wolf couldn't under the moonlight. And it was stronger than ever before. 

My own roommates hated me. Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Daniel Jones. I know that they think I am not a normal boy. They would stop their conversations whenever I walked into my dorm room, classroom, or sit too close to them at the Great Hall. 

My sensitive ears heard the voice of Daniel whispering, "Too sissy. You think he's a poof?" 

I wasn't sure what he meant, but I knew it wasn't good, when suddenly Sirius, Peter and James laughed. I told myself over and over again what Mr. Stafford had told me, never show them your weakness. 

And I didn't. 

I held my head high. I made friends with first year girls and older years. I tried to forget the exclusion of boys my age. Actually, I don't really know how old I am. I could actually be a year younger than most of my peers. Boys my age are generally taller and more _manly. I, who looked like a girl, was pale and still short. More reasons for them to exclude me. _

It became worst, when I was paired with Severus Snape to brew potions, for I was the only Gryffindor to pair with a Slytherin, whom they hated with passion. The paring was to help me with my potion by Professor Loden. 

The best student of Potion with the worst. 

The idea was in the right place, but they would start blowing up our caldrons, trying to make Severus more irritated. In turned, Lily came up to a boiling point with them, which made the matter worse. I had to fend Lily off from hexing them, and Severus was about to kill me every time I didn't anything right. 

"You are a useless, Lupin! Don't touch the ingredients until I asked you to." Severus spitted out his anger. And I don't blame him. Him paring with a Gryffindor was more of an insult to his character than accomplishment. 

I felt the last pull of the moon. The beginning and the ending are said to be the most painful. The fight between dark beast and human began, and fought, then lost. 

**Albus Dumbledore:**

I feared for the pull of the moon tonight. I heard that Remus was having hard time with boys in his house. I had feared for something like this. Werewolves are strange and mystical creatures. And people do recognize them subconsciously without really knowing the reason why. He became a werewolf in such a young age, very rare, indeed. The control of their population has been very tight, and hardly a young one survived a year after they had been bitten. 

Remus was the strong one. 

Boys will be boys. It would eventually work out on its course. I remembered my own school days. My brother, Aberforth, had the hardest time in the beginning, but by the time he graduated, he was the most popular boy in his house and more. 

I felt restless like a caged animal. My affection for Remus astonishes me sometimes. I do fear for him as I care for him. It hurts me to look into his face and see someone else. They are so alike, more than I had believed. But my restlessness is not entirely for him, that I know. I fear that _something_ is about to happen, something _great_ and _disturbing_. 

**Efrem Kurtz:**

The Dark Lord summons me now, his mark burning into my left arm. 

Would this be the day all the wizards and witches remember forever? Would this be the day for me to ascend to the power? 

The fools at the Ministry have no idea what is about to hit them. Let them wait. Just a little longer. 

**Lord Voldemort:**

It is time.

**Remus Lupin:**

I woke up in the infirmary hours later. My voice gone, my lips spited and my body numbed with pain. It was my third transformation at Hogwarts. One good thing from the boys' exclusion was they never ask too many questions. No suspicious stare or whisper. 

When I showed up at the breakfast next day, I felt the hundred eyes on me. I wondered if it was my lycanthropy they were sensing unknowingly, for nobody really cared to be silent when others walk in, it happened only when I did. I ignored the intruding eyes and sat normally as I could beside Lily. 

Ashley Thompson, who likes to sit in the library time to time with me, gasped. I tried to smile, but I think it turned out to be a grimace instead. 

"What _happened_ to you? I thought you were visiting your sick mum, not moving a canal." Lily said as she touched my slumped shoulder. 

"Just tired I guess," I mumbled as I began to eat corn porridge. My raw throat was still too raspy to talk normally. 

"Well, I hope your mum is fine now. Is she?" Meg asked as she looked at me straight in the eyes. I never feel comfortable when people stare at my eyes. I feared they would see straight through my charade of being normal. 

I lowered my eyes and answered, "Yes, yes. She's much better now. They said if she rests a bit more, she would be fine." 

Madame Pomfrey was amazing with healing spells and potions, all my fresh wounds; the worst cuts were healed up over night. The only sign of the full moon was my tired eyes and bruises on my body, which was covered up by my robe. 

I put spoonful of porridge in my mouth again, then asked, "Did I miss anything important?" 

I saw Lily's concern eyes flickering, "Well, you missed DADA's exciting and scary section on red capps." Her voice was in mock terror, and everyone broke out laughing. Jo even feigned death. 

"Seriously. Where would we _use theseuseless information? Never in our life time." Ashley muttered. _

"Unless you go visit the ruined castle in Romania for fun." Lily answered as if it was the most fun thing to do. 

"At least it is not boring like potion." Jo said with a grin, as she knew it was my worst class. 

"Correction, the History of Magic _has to be the most boring class," Meg whispered as the group of professors came into the Great Hall. _

"Hear, hear." Ashley agreed. 

"Don't forget, Remus. You have missed Professor Sprout's herbology lesson on the hundred deadly poisonous flowers of this century. You can see my notes later tonight." Lily added just before Professor McGonagall clapped her hands. 

**Severus Snape:**

It started like any other morning. Students eating, talking or reading in their appropriate house tables. I didn't think of anything, when morning mails were late. 

I had most horrible time in Potion class yesterday in hands of Potter and Black. Without Lupin, who was a dodder in Potion, I had no blockage from their assaults on my ingredients. My whole potion was ruined, but Professor Loden was kind enough to give both of them detention. 

Honestly those fools are getting on my nerve. I had planned a marvelous surprise for them in Astronomy class today. If they think they won the battle against Snape, they must think again and face the long war to loose. 

I was thinking out my plans carefully on my breakfast plates with leftovers, when McGonagall clapped her hands. "Attention, students. Please remain sited and calm. Professor Dumbledore has an announcement to make." 

Her voice was unusually grim and weary, and everyone was as quiet as a mouse. It wasn't usual for all the professors to come and sit down during breakfast, with such dark faces, and when Dumbledore was making an announcement it had to be bad. 

"Students. I am afraid I have some bad news. Last night, the 3rd office building of the Ministry of Magic, the Office of International Affair, was blown away," Dumbledore paused for the gasps of students to fade. "There was no fatality, however the message was clear. A dark wizard of name of Lord Voldemort is behind this brutal and surprising attack.

"All the aurors are now looking for him, but we do not have the reason behind his attack as of this morning. If your parents or family are working for the Ministry of Magic, you can see Professor McGonagall for more information and arrangements.

"For the circumstances, all the classes are canceled today. I advise you to stay inside the school, although that is not required at this moment. And now here is your morning mails." 

Dumbledore whipped his hand, and all the owls started to fly in with mails from worried parents. 

I've received five letters from my father, Luther Snape, and so called my _mother_. She was my step-mother, and she's as cold and as detached as my father. Perfect match, actually. She didn't want any children, for fear that it would ruin her perfect figure, and he already had one. How convenient. 

My real mother was a muggle, and my father discarded her as easy as throwing out leftover foods. I am glad really that my father sent her away. I don't think I could bear it, if anyone found out I was a half muggle. 

The letters contained her usual pretences of mother-like concerns and his strong wintry confidence that everything would work out the way he expects it to. They didn't forget to send me more Galleons. 

Everytime there's a slightest disturbance, they throw me more golds. I think they honestly believed that the money would solve anything. They truly believe they could even buy my love. I guess I didn't get my intelligence from my father's side. 

The fear of Lord Voldemort increased few hundred times, when on the eve of Christmas, his followers blew away half of Diagon Alley, and killed countless people. But inside the Hogwarts, the life continued as normal. 

**Albus Dumbledore:**

The identity of Lord Voldemort troubles me. It seems as if he appeared out of a thin air. No substantial backgrounds were found, which was impossible. 

Everyone has a family or friends. 

Don't they? 

**Remus Lupin:**

It was my first Christmas away from Mr. Stafford and our beloved Dafford castle. I terribly missed the winter scenery that I was fond of for so many years without noticing. It was unfortunate that Mr. Stafford had to leave the country for some unknown business. I sure hoped he would find what he was looking for this Christmas. 

I've learned long ago that the saddest time of year for Mr. Stafford was Christmas time. I learned not to ask any questions since I could remember, and I never imposed upon his pain. It seemed to me that he and I are doomed to dance around our own pains. 

Knowing without acknowledging was the best manner between us. 

I had woken late than usual, since my dorm room was unusually silent. Lily's present was a large box full of chocolate frogs. Meg and Jo, both, sent a book about advance DADA, for my surprise. Ashley sent me homemade honey teas, with a note claiming that one drink would make me feel a whole lot better. I reminded myself to thank them when they come back. 

Mr. Stafford had sent me a bottle of grapiana (non-alcoholic wine), which was produced solely from our vineyard, and a box of chocolates. I enjoyed them while I sat near in front of my bedroom window, looking out into the purely white and perfect Hogwarts field. I was saddened at the sudden thought that Mr. Stafford would be all alone while I savored the richness of chocolate, but suddenly I was shaken out of my thoughts as I witnessed the snow fights between two boys. 

Upon closer watch on my behalf, I could make them out to be Daniel Jones and Sirius Black. Then Hagrid joined in unknowingly as they threw him couple good snows, as he was walking near by. 

"You little birds, take that!" Hagrid tried to throw large snowballs at them, but unfortunately hit couple of staffs, whom unfortunately were walking the grounds as well. Which led up to full-blown up fight among staffs and even Professor Dumbledore. My, even Madam Pomfrey joined in after getting hit couple of times by Professor Sprout and McGonagall. 

I had to wipe the window couple of times to see them more clearly. And while watching them, I almost felt I belonged there with them. But my smile faded as I was reminded once again of my place and condition, when I saw the bruises on my left arm as my pajama sleeve slipped to my elbow. 

I bit my lower lip and pulled up my sleeve to hide the bruises. Even the little pinch would cost me to bruise so easily, it was impossible to play like…what would they called it? Play like young men. I was never normal, and it bothered me more now than before. 

"Oh, sorry Professor Loden. I thought you were Hagrid!" Sirius shrieked as three hard snowballs came his way. 

"Mr. Black, you knew darn well, I wasn't him!" Sweet tempered, Professor Loden ducked out of the fire zone as now professors and students divided into appropriate place to battle. 

"Professor Loden, you talk too…" Madam Pomfrey hurled, "too much!" the snowball to the opposite side. "Just…" she panted, "Let's…" ducking from the balls, "win this one! Ahhh! Professor Dumbledore! You should be ashamed of yourself. Using unfair spells like that!" 

"I contest, Poppy, for the referee…didn't stated specifically…that we can't use the…" Dumbledore stopped the angry snowball that was coming his way, "Magic!!" 

"I pry to know who is the refereeeeeeeeeee?" McGonagall fell down next to panting Professor Loden, behind the make shift barrier. 

"Why, it's me, of course," Dumbledore looked over at them over his moon shaped glasses. 

Their playful banter continued until the team Loden, McGonagall, Pomprey, Dumbledore lost held up the white flag. Sirius and Daniel celebrated their team's win by throwing more snowballs at each other. 

A sudden attack of blurriness, I quickly turned from the window. In blindness, I packed away my gifts into my trunk beneath my four-post bed. After wiping my eyes, I dressed myself and headed for my solitude at the library. 

**Sirius Black:**

It was beautiful Christmas morning. The news of new attack from yesterday did not brighten up my day, but I guessed I had to make best of the worst situation. The snow fight between the staffs were unintentional but awesome. 

I never had a gut to throw a snowball at McGonagall's face, but it was all in a good fun. I think it was awesome that mother decided to visit her family in America for the holiday. Christmas at Hogwarts was so far splendid. 

Too bad, James had to leave, but he had promised to stay at least one Christmas here. 

As I cleaned my coat of any excess snow, I caught myself looking at our dorm room window. Through the window, I could see a figure moving about. I don't really have to guess who the figure was. 

Remus J. Lupin. 

I haven't been nice to the boy, since the first day. I don't know why, but whenever he's close to me, I feel the urge to hug or punch him. I don't think that's right response to a boy, I hardly knew. 

"Sirius, aren't you coming?" Daniel yelled over from the entrance, and I nodded. When I looked back at the window, Remus was gone. 

I've got a sudden feeling of emptiness. I shook it off quickly when I realized there will be food to eat. House elves of Hogwarts must be the greatest elves in the world, never had I tasted something so good. 

**Efrem Kurtz:**

His Lordship summons me now. I am afraid I have an unfortunate news for him. It would not make him happy.

**Severus Snape:**

I am glad my father and mother decided to visit Russia for this year's Christmas, leaving me in peace without them. I hated pretending to be a good son to them in front of their guests; it was so much more productive to spend time alone than with them, really. 

I looked up when I heard the faint resonance of light footsteps coming closer. I frown a bit to be interrupted my perfect seclusion by the sound. He noticed me and walked quieter. Hidden from stacked books, I watched my potion partner sitting next to the window. His shoulders hunched and small. 

Remus Lupin. My lips sneered up at the boy. 

Ever so studious Gryffindor, who excelled in DADA and Astrology, but failed miserably in Potions and Flying lessons. It's amazing he never broke any bones, the rate he was falling. He had no air coordination, even girls flied better than him. But something about him was interesting. He looked different. There's an air about him… I shook my head as if I realized I knew too many things about him than I admit to myself. 

Many times I have to restrain myself not to taunt the boy whenever our potion blow up in my face, or when the other Gryffindors ruined our robes. It wasn't his fault really. I can't _really_ dislike Lupin, when he was _so_ good in DADA. Even better than myself, although I hate to admit the defeat. 

In this time of uncertainty, the knowledge of DADA is the at most importance. I must have fallen asleep, because suddenly I had awakened by tap-tap on my shoulder. When I lifted my head, I was staring into the eyes of Lupin. 

"WHAT?" I spitted out more vehemently than I had intended originally. 

Lupin looked a bit taken back, but urged up his courage to speak his mind. "It's almost time." I stared at him, and so he continued, "I-I thought y-you wouldn't want to miss the Christmas dinner." 

I looked at him piercingly, and nodded my head. I began to pack my books and notes, and I noticed Lupin walking out alone. His head slightly bent down in his usual small form. 

I closed my eyes and called, "Wait." 

Lupin stopped and turned with his big golden eyes staring back at me. I caught up to him in a heartbeat, and began to walk beside him. "Thanks. I wouldn't want to miss the dinner." I tried to sound indifferent, but I couldn't quite pass that off, when Lupin smiled and nodded in understanding. 

At that moment, something passed between us. 

We walked in comfortable silence until we parted to our appropriate dorms. He looked back and nodded as he ascended long staircase. I never felt this warmer and lighter in days. As if I had taken my first step toward something unfamiliar but not all that unpleasant.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

end of chapter 2.


	3. THE SHIFT

Chapter 3 revamped!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Chapter 3: The Shift**

**Year 1972**

**Sirius Black:**

Something had happened, but I didn't quite know what exactly that _something_ was until I saw them together. 

During the break, I saw less and less of Remus, and curiously, that made me uneasy. As if my routine was changed unknowns to me. I was used to seeing the smaller boy around, but I could scarcely catch a glimpse of him. 

Then I found out what was going on a day before the school started again. 

Snape and Lupin were together. In the library. Alone. 

The thought of them being together made my blood boil for some reason. Snape was a Slytherin, someone not to be trusted. Yes, I admitted that we didn't welcome Lupin into our Gryffindor gang, as we should have. But hanging out with Snape? A dirty Slytherin? That was going too far. If you are a Gryffindor, you are one of us. Not one of _them_. 

"Loony, loopy Lupin." I muttered as I saw Lupin approached the dorm room. I saw in my anger the change of his color in his face. 

I knew what I was doing was totally wrong, but I couldn't help my anger. 

"Loony, loopy Lupin. Loony, loopy Lupin." I sang as he approached his bed in silence, his eyes betraying nothing. The name calling was began by the Slytherins, but I wasn't about to feel guilty for doing it. 

"Loony, loopy Lupin." I said louder this time, with Daniel Jones snickering behind his curtain. 

"What do you want, Sirius?" Lupin's voice was calm and controlled. 

"I want you to behave like a Gryffindor." I stared back his unwavering golden stares. 

Lupin lowered his eyes, finally, and started to organize his books into his trucks. Ignoring me completely and utterly. I stood behind his back with my big shadow looming over his features fully. 

When he didn't acknowledge my presence, I reached down and tapped his shoulder. 

"Did you hear what I said? I said I want you to-" 

"Behave like you?" He turned suddenly and stood facing me. 

I avoided the accusation and continued my taunting, "Yeah. I saw you. I saw you hanging out with that grimy Slytherin. Don't you have any pride? How could hang out with that stinking Snape? You are a Gryffindor. You shouldn't mix with the wrong kind. I am telling you before you get into trouble." 

He looked defiant at my words, and I couldn't help but adding, "Try to act normal, for once, will you?" 

**Severus Snape:**

Lupin and I made a comfortable routine of spending our break inside of the library. His presence wasn't a distraction or an endeavor. I found myself able to concentrate better, knowing that I could ask Lupin a question if I face a problem in DADA or Astrology. In return, I believe, Lupin could get helps on Potions from me. 

The best thing was that neither of us had to make an effort to be there. We usually did not find the need to speak to each other, and either of us could come and go without feeling any bit of responsibility. But knowing that he would be there, helped me study more effectively. And the unknown void that had its usual place on my heart was filled without acknowledging its grievance. 

When the rest of students came back from their holiday trips, I found myself more alienated than before. I had scarcely seen Lupin in the library. It wasn't until in a dark corridor of Dungeon. I heard his name, before I saw him. 

"Loony, loopy Lupin." The voice of Malfoy ranged out, with few other Slytherin cronies he had with him towering over the corner. 

They were blocking my views, but I could see Avory holding Lupin's hands against the wall. 

"Lupin, we can't let you pass, until we try out our new hex on you." Bale said with his wand ready. 

"Loony Lupin, aren't you scared? Oh oh, are you going to call for help? Don't have to try it, because your own house wouldn't care whether you get hexed or not." Malfoy said as he grinned. 

"Snape, come and join the fun," Goyle called out over Bale's shoulder. "Let's put the girl inside the Cichlid's slime." 

They were my housemates, and I would have enjoyed giving any Gryffindor a grief. Especially Potter and Black for making my potions fail numerous times. But… 

I sneered and walked over as they parted a bit for me to see Lupin. His robe was torn in sides and his small body was no match against Avory's burly grip. 

Malfoy grabbed handful of Lupin's hair, pulling them. "I mean, look at you. Your hair, long, like a girl. You hang out with girls all day. 

"You are bizarre case, aren't you, Lupin? With a face like that, no wonder you have no friend to save you from us. If you aren't careful, people will started to think that you are a nancy boy. Or even worst, you don't have it all together in the head." He pulled Lupin's hair roughly, making Lupin wince."Do you understand? Loony, loopy Lupin? You freak." 

Lupin's pleading eyes found mine, but I stared at them meekly, unable to do anything. 

"What's going on down here?" The voice of mild Professor Loden startled us. He was coming down the stairs, and only heard our muffled voices. 

They broke apart in a heap, "We are just going to our class, Professor." 

"Then move on, come on. Mr. Bale, you've forgot your wand. Now go on." Professor said as he walked toward a classroom himself. 

I felt the heat on my cheek, but I masked my face with my usual sneer as Lupin past me by on his way to his class. I heard the snickering of my own fellow Slytherin behind me, and I turned my back on Lupin. 

**Remus Lupin:**

I am a freak. 

**James Potter:**

It was true. I admitted that I didn't make things easy for Remus. We made fun of him, even though he was one of us, but the thing was, he wasn't one of us. It makes no sense if I think it over. 

I heard about the Dungeon incident from a Ravenclaw boy. I decided it might be best not to say anything to Sirius or Daniel. It wasn't their fault after all. 

**Remus Lupin:**

I screamed again. My paws were hands once again. But this time I started to pull my hair. My voice sounded more of a shrieking angry ghost as I continued. 

I took a chomp of my hair in my hand, and I couldn't stop. I pulled and pulled. I didn't want to have my hair. I don't like my white skins. I wished I had brazen tanned skin like Quidditch players. I wished my eyes were the color of brown instead of gold. 

I think my dorm mates, who were closest to me physically, sensed the abnormality in me without really realizing it, like how people would stare at me when I entered the room, and how girls would try to smother me in some way or other when I am alone. They didn't do that to other boys. 

I don't want to be like this. I want to be normal. I wish I were normal. 

I spent almost a week at the Infirmary under Madam Pomfrey's care. She asked no question, which I was thankful for. She also tried to magically grow out my hair, but somehow it didn't work. I guessed the magic doesn't work if I didn't have the desire to grow my hair back. After working on my hair for few days without success, she decided to cut my hair even instead. 

"Oh, your handsome hair, Remus." Madam Pomfrey tooted, as she cut out my hair to even them out. 

I stared at a hand mirror, and my reflection stared back at me. My short hair made me look more like a boy. 

"Do I look…all right?" 

Madam Pomfrey gently smoothed my hair, and smiled. "You look dashing, love." 

"I mean," I stared back at her, "do I look like a boy?" 

Madam Pomfrey's hand stopped. She stooped down to meet eye to eye. "You are a boy, Remus. Of course, you look like a boy." She nodded encouragingly as she surveyed my feature. 

"You don't have to worry about growing up too fast. You will soon be a young man, Mr. Lupin. A dashing one at that. In my years, I've seen many boys like you, all worrying about catching up with their classmates. And I've been telling them the same thing I am telling you now." 

"But I am different than most boys, aren't I?" 

"Only once a month, Mr. Lupin. You are a late bloomer. But the flower that blooms the latest is the one most beautiful." She kissed my forehead gently and went to measure the vials in the storage room. 

"But that's just my problem, Madam. I don't want to be beautiful." I muttered to myself.

**Albus Dumbledore:**

"I do wish you well, Mr. Lupin." I watched the boy, so thin for his age, retreating back to his dormitory. 

"Yes, sir. I know that sir." He gratefully said as his admiring eyes bidding me goodbye. 

I watched him disappeared into the darkness of the shadow, the memory of his sad eyes tugging my heart. Duration of our short conversation, I had to remind myself not to betray anything to the boy. It was much too early. When he is ready, I shall tell him. 

Remus was a brilliant student, just like his father. Very smart indeed. His eyes were constantly taking in all the different information, greatly enhanced by the tragic affliction. The reports from the professors reinforced how powerful his magic really lies in himself. I wondered how much of his mother's magic lied within him. 

**Lily Evans:**

"Professor McGonagall, Lupin is wearing a hat inside." Malfoy said smugly as he looked over at Remus. 

"Mr. Lupin, you do know the rule. You can't wear hat inside the classroom." Professor McGonagall stated firmly, yet a hint of sympathy was hard to hide. I watched Remus with sympathy as Remus sighed and took off his hat. 

Even if you were outside of the classroom, you still could have heard the collective gasps from us. 

"Oh your hair, Remus. Your hair. What happened to your hair!" Meg cried. 

Remus' usual pale cheeks began to redden with strong blush, but my eyes were focused on his hair like any other girls in the room. Even Professor McGonagall looked a bit surprised, although she tried to hide it. "Class, it is obvious that Mr. Lupin had cut his hair. Now pay attention, everyone." 

His hair was so beautiful and soft and soothed to his feature. It was like his trait, but now the long soft locks were all gone. He used regular wizard hair holder in style of 18th century to hold his hair together in the back neatly in a small ponytail. The shorter hairs on the sides were always getting into his eyes. 

Without his long hair, his eyes looked bigger and more pronounced than anything. His shorter hair made him look…different. It was surprise, but not an unpleasant one. I actually thought it suited him, but I kept that to myself. All the other students were staring and giving Remus their ideas. 

I sometimes wish they would just leave him be. He needs to breath sometimes. After the class was over, after Professor McGonagall regained the classroom's attention back, I watched as few Gryffindors couldn't help but reach out and touch his short hair. 

**Sirius Black:**

His vast eyes were hard to look away, even if they were not looking at me. He ignores and never acknowledges me. He would politely say hello to Peter, and sometimes James and Daniel, but never me. 

But I think he took my advice though, because I haven't seen Remus and Snape together in the library since Christmas. I sometimes made my excuses to other Gryffindors, so that I could visit the library unseen. 

There he always was, alone in the corner, with substantial stacks of books and notes. His shorthaired head hunched over his book. I wondered what was so fascinating he found in books. I began to flipped through books as I looked on at the pale boy with no distinct talent.

**Severus Snape:**

I watched Remus as he sat down next to me on the Potions class. He didn't meet my eyes, and I couldn't meet his eyes. Whatever bond we had since Christmas was lost, and I felt I was lost as well. He was the only one I could…I don't know…he was different than most, and that interested me. He was interesting. 

I had never met anyone like him. 

**Albus Dumbledore:**

"…Another year has gone. I do hope everyone would safely be back in Hogwarts. And the seventh years, I would like to say to you, you have greater responsibilities on your shoulders. In this time of despair and chaos, I wish you all, good luck…" 

I watched the grim faces of my students as they looked at me in confidence. I swept all the faces, especially those who were seventh years. My eyes moved on to Remus Lupin. My dear friend, Ishmael, was taking care of him for few years now. It had taken great persuasions in my part to convince him to let me take care of Remus for seven years. 

With my busy schedules with the Ministry of Magic about the attacks, I was unable to keep my close eyes on the boy as I had promised Ishmael, but I did notice his unhappiness. I am afraid his unfortunate affliction was keeping him from making friends with boys his age. 

When I look at Remus, I am reminded again of the girl I lost so long ago. I had failed Beatrice, but I won't fail again. He was my last chance of redemption I dearly needed. 

Then why was I not doing anything? 

**James Potter:**

My first year at Hogwarts ended in a sad air, when Lord Voldemort killed Daniel Jones' oldest brother and father only few days before. He was taken away from Hogwarts to be with his family in secret location. 

Sirius was unusually quiet, which made Peter and I depressed as well. I was hoping he would make his peace with Lily Evans before this term was over, but it seems to me that they just don't like each other. 

It's a pity really, because I think Lily is fine Gryffindor, even if she's a girl. She doesn't even like Quidditch. She thinks it's degrading to women because they have to cheer on the sideline with big pompoms. Maybe next year, there will be a girl on the team, Jordan will be gone, so who knows what will happen. 

**Remus Lupin:**

I never knew Mr. Stafford was a member of an important secret society against the dark wizards then, it would be years later I would learn secrets of Mr. Stafford. I guessed the most important reason I, myself, joined the Order of Pheonix years later, was because of Mr. Stafford, who was part of it from the beginning.

My bleak mood was not lifted, when I found he would be gone for unlimited time. 

"Master Lupin, your hair much different!" A gangly boy told me matter of factly as he smoothed out my growing hair. 

"Wardley, what ever are you doing here for?" I uttered my surprise. 

It was our house elf, Wardley, at the King's Cross station. He was transfigured into a tall teenage boy! I wondered why he was there and not Mr. Stafford. 

Wardley told me, "Master Stafford gone. Wardley look after master Lupin says master Stafford. Everything perfect in Dafford castle, come master Lupin." 

"Al-Alright, Wardley." 

"Missed you greatly, master Lupin. Master Stafford cheerless many nights without sleep!" 

"Where is he now?" 

"I cannot tell. I not supposed to know. Don't worry, master Lupin, he back in no time." Wardley said cheerfully as he pushed the cart with ease. 

"Remus!" Lily's voice rang after me, and I turned around to see her running after me. "You are not going away without saying goodbye to my parents." 

I saw Lily staring at Wardley and I remembered myself to introduce them. 

"Lily, this is Wardley, our house elf. Wardley, this is Lily Evans, my friend at Hogwarts." 

They shook hands friendly as I watched Lily's family approaching closer. 

"Wardley, I think it might be best if you waited for me outside." I pointed my head to approaching Lily's family, and Wardley understood me perfectly and left with my cart. 

"Why didn't you let him _stay?_ I am sure my parents would be _fascinated_ by him." Lily said as she watched Wardley disappear among the crowd. 

"He's allergic to muggle perfumes." I whispered quickly, "He would get sick from just smelling them." 

"Where did you smell-" Lily's question was cut off when Mrs. Evans came over and hugged me motherly, and her question was answered when her sister, Petunia came over and the strong smell of flowers caught her sense. Lily looked at me thoughtfully for a moment as I bided her family good bye. 

It was the longest two months of my life in Dafford Castle, also a loneliest one without Mr. Stafford present. He had sent letters of reassurance and his regrets of missing me greatly, but it did not improve my frame of mind. 

Wardley, Merlin bless his soul, tried his best to cheer me, but his eagerness could not ease my unhappiness. He tried to read me bed time stories, even though, I was too big for that now, and he brought my usual chocolate milk just before bedtime, like how he used to do when I was younger. 

The castle was just too big for small creatures like us, a house elf and a boy. We mainly stayed in East Wing. The West Wing has been unused for many years, long before I came to Mr. Stafford's care, and we are not allowed inside as one of many unspoken rules that had came to be known among three residence of Dafford castle. 

My second year at Hogwarts began, (without Mr. Stafford to farewell me at the King's Cross) and it turned out to be one of my most unforgettable moments in my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

End of Chapter 3!


	4. THE ATTACK OF UNKNOWN

Chapter 4: The Attack of Unknown 

**Year 1972-1973**

**Peter Pettigrew:**

It was bit, sad to see an empty bed next to mine. Daniel wasn't coming back for the second year, or ever really. He was my bestest friend, apart from James and Sirius that is. He was one of the best in Astronomy, now, who's going to help me with my assignments? James and Sirius are not much better than me in Astronomy, maybe even worst.

**Lily Evans:**

Sirius and James are such boys. They just have to make troubles for themselves. They already lost more points than any other Gryffindors in entire school. With this rate, we are never going to win the House Cup from Hufflepuffs, who's leading the points. 

I've been thinking about Remus. No, not about how he looks, but how he acts sometimes. Ever since, King's Cross, I sensed it. That there is something missing here. Something, I don't understand. There is a shroud of dark cloud that hangs around him, and I am not so sure what it is, at least not yet. 

But I am determined to find out.

**James Potter:**

I was so happy to come back to Hogwarts. It's been a real drag to be cooped up in the house all summer. My parents won't allow me to go anywhere. I guessed they are afraid the evil dark lord would come and kill me if I go out to play Quidditch. How unfair. 

This year, I am going to make the team. I can feel it in the air. It would be great, if Sirius makes the team, too. He would be great beater with his strong shoulders. 

Peter is busy with his works tonight, but I can't do my assignment, when the tryout is so near. I can't wait for the tryout. Sirius is snoring already. That careless freak. 

Ahh, that reminds me. My mum commented that Sirius was getting handsome. I _can't _believe she actually said in front of Sirius and me. 

Now he's all, "Jamsie boy, I think your mum has got hots for me," days and nights. 

Sigh. You can't live with him, and you can't live without him. No wonder, all the girls think he's so dim-witted for saying things like that. I hope Lily won't think I am worse than Sirius. I don't think I can take that kind of prejudice. 

Shoot, I need a break! Where are all the Slytherins when you need one? I can't seat still and study. 

**Lucius Malfoy:**

All my classes are so boring. Why do I have to go to classes, when there is so much interesting things going on out there?! My father claimed something good will happen soon, and I hoped he meant no more stupid classes. Stupid Gryffindors! 

They hexed my hair to change color every ten second, and all the professors thought it was harmless joke! Only five points from Gryffindors! Only FIVE! Wait till my father hears of this! It's inconceivable! 

I, Lucius Malfoy, the heir of most respected and affluent wizarding family, would be treated like this! 

I went to our dormroom to find Snape, whom nobody knew the whereabouts. Stupid Goyle, Bale and Avory were too dense to anything worthwhile, unless I direct them myself. 

Now where is damn Snape!? 

**Remus Lupin:**

_"Jeremiah~" A lady was calling someone. "Jeremiah~" _

_A beautiful woman in white dress was in front of me. The world around me was spinning around us, and I laughed in confusion and delight. _

_Suddenly, I watched her floating on the air. She began to spin slowly and gently in front of me with her arms open, laughing softly. Pleasant breeze was caressing her golden hair as she laughed lightly. The breeze blew my hairs to my face. _

_"Jeremiah~" She sing sang. "Jeremiah~ haha ha. Jeremiah, hold out your hand for me, love."_

But before I could see what she wanted, I was awaken, abruptly. A pair of black eyes stared at me. I stared into the unblinking eyes until my vision widened and I saw myself staring into the eyes. 

I blinked and leaned back a bit from them. Distancing myself. 

"You alright?" 

Severus Snape. 

I gulped, and felt the sweaty palms and hair rising in my neck. I didn't expect to him to talk to me ever since... 

"Y-yes. What is it?" I pushed away my still growing hair away from my face. They were wet with perspirations. 

He looked a bit uncomfortable, and he looked around to see if anyone was there in the library, afraid that someone might hear or see him. 

"I-I," I had to wonder what made this proud Slytherin stuttered for a word, "I wanted to-" 

His words were interrupted, when someone did came into the library. From watching Snape's reaction, I got up to see who it was; my dream already disappeared into oblivion. 

Malfoy stood before us. His icy eyes fixed on me. 

**Severus Snape:**

I watched him openly, for there was no one in the library to see me doing so. Lupin looked so tired, so anguished. When he whimpered and trembled in his fitful sleep, I knew he was having a nightmare. 

I guiltily wondered whether he was dreaming of Slytherins hurting him. I wondered if I was the one he was scared of. Ever since I came back for the second year, I wanted to make it right. I couldn't talk to him in Potions with all the others around us. I wanted to apologize to him about that day, but I didn't. I stood silently and in indifference. And he stayed away from me as well. 

He gasped out loud before he realized he was staring into my eyes, not fully realizing that he was awake from his nightmare. I watched his big eyes adjusting to the light and to the real world in fascination. I never realized how truly gold his eyes were. They were captivating. 

I lost my train of thought; I couldn't concentrate when such pure innocent eyes were boring into my soul, my true being, far from the proud and haughty potion brewer, that I was becoming to be known for. 

"I-I," I stuttered to get my sentence out. It should be easy to say I am sorry, Remus, I mean Lupin, _Lupin_. I am sorry, Lupin. Why can't I just say it? 

"I wanted to-" I bared got out my words, when someone came in with a great haste and presence. 

My face once again masked with indifference, I faced the intruder. I felt Lupin rising from his place. 

"Malfoy." 

He acknowledged me with a nod, but stared at Lupin with hard contempt, then at me; I could feel his question and accusation about me being there with a Gryffindor. 

Feeling my tension, Lupin said, "Hello, Malfoy," then to me, "Severus, thanks for reminding me about potions tomorrow." 

I caught on, "Make sure, you won't ruin the potions again." I said in indifference, "I can't let you bring down my grade, just so you wouldn't fail the class." 

I turned abruptly and motioned Malfoy to follow me out. Malfoy looked at me with a smirk satisfaction and called out over his shoulder, "Loony, loopy Lupin. I would practice my hex on you right now, only if I had my wand." 

I did not turned to see Lupin's face. 

"What do you want, Malfoy?" I asked as soon as we were out of the library. 

Malfoy looked irritated once again. "Can't you see?!" When I looked at him blankly, he continued, "Look at my hair. Look at it. They are ruined! By damn Gryffindors. AGAIN. 

"We really have to do something about them." 

For the first time, I saw his hair color change from blond to blue. I secretly thought it was quite ingenious spell. 

"What have you in mind?" I asked. 

"First, I want you to remove this spell from me. Brew me a potion, I don't care! I can't go to that stinking infirmary again. Pom-pom would burn all my hair for sure. Dumbledore thought it was amusing. That Gryffindor fan would think everything is amusing unless someone is actually killed." 

I nodded with my eyes thinning in agreement. My father told me, Dumbledore was crazy old fool. So far, he hasn't been very impressive. I remembered when I was covered with slimy gook thrown by Potter in Potions. Gritting my teeth, I listened. 

"Second, come up with a revenge. I can't have them laughing at my expense. They wanted to fight, then let those slimeballs get exactly what they deserve. They won a battle, but they haven't won the war yet." 

And so, our own battles intensified as the real dark war raged outside of Hogwarts. 

**Lily Evans:**

Insufferable looters, that Sirius and James! Why can't they be more responsible? Ashley Johnson that it was hilarious vent on Slytherins, but I just didn't understand it. Wait, I do understand her, she liked Sirius Black, that pompous troublemaker. Ever since, they both got into the Quidditch team, they are louder than ever. Honestly, I think the sport is overrated. When will a girl get into the team? I think 5th year, Jennifer Grant is far better than those two. Again, witches are ignored of their talent! We should stand up for our rights. 

Remus had to visit his sick relatives again. And AGAIN he looked like he was run over by a train. He had no visible marks but bruises on his left arm, I caught the glimpse when he was reading and his sleeve fell down a bit. 

My suspicion increased; his sense of smell, his golden eyes, easily bruised skins, slow growth of his hair…they are all pointing to something that is not so normal. 

I've received a permission to browse the Restricted Section in the library from Professor Flick with an excuse of doing more research on my term paper on charms. I found myself spending more and more time reading up on "Symptoms and What They Really Mean" and "All the Questions Answered" books. 
    
    It would take the brand new year to come around, for me to find out his deadly truth.
    

There is a huge willow tree near Hogwarts' ground, and it wasn't just any other willow tree. It was called the Whomping Willow for her imposingly deadly whomping branches. In my first year, a third year student named David Gudgeon nearly lost an eye in a play of chicken, and we were forbidden to go near it after that. 

I would eventually learn of her power myself, and ultimately the secret that she held. 

It was no secret that Peter Pettigrew loved eating. And sometimes, I caught James, Sirius and Peter disappeared for an hour then came back with smell of food on them. I had no doubt that the pranksters somehow figured out how to get into Hogwarts kitchen. 

The day I've learned of Remus was the night I would never forget. That night was nothing unusual, except Dumbledore and few other professors had gone away to London, only a day before. The Hogwarts were more or less restricted by remaining Professors. I was reading ahead of my DADA book, and somehow I found myself reading about the werewolves in the common room. I didn't see the truth, even then. 

I saw James, Peter and Sirius sneaking out of the dorm room, reminding me how Remus was different from them. "Hey, can I come?" Ashley asked hopefully. Unfortunately, Ashley saw them sneaking out as I did. 
    
    "No, no flat chested girls allowed!" Sirius said as they tried to get pass us.
    

"Shut up, you sexist tweak! Stop being such a boy!" said I, as I watched in scorn as they slipped out of the portrait hole. 

I went out of the portrait hole too, to give him piece of my mind. Then I was going for the library to find Remus (lately, he seemed to fall asleep in the weirdest places), but when I got out of the hole and the portrait closed, I didn't see anyone. They had disappeared out of my very sight. 

'How strange,' I thought to myself, but I continued my journey to the library, when I heard the distinct voice of Lucius Malfoy and his friend, Severus Snape. 

"Just do as I say, I bet at least fat Gryffindor would freak, that pig. I bet anything, he's in the kitchen right now. And that's all I want to see. I am not expecting much. If we could get them into detentions-" 

They walked away from me, and I resumed my walk to the library. I didn't like the tone of Malfoy, as if he had done something really serious. My main concern was for Remus, as I came to the library. It was empty. How unusual. He was usually here every night without a fail. 

I sat down, and my mind wandered back to Malfoy. 

I had no warm feelings toward the marauders and their stupid prank war, but I can't let the Slytherins cost our points. If Malfoy were planning something to get Sirius and James into trouble, we would lose at least twenty points tonight. 

I put down my books and ran out of the library, toward the cook painting, where I knew hid the kitchen hole. I wished someone were with me at that point, because I didn't know what was going to happen and how I was going to warn them of danger. I couldn't tell a professor, because then I would reveal that marauders were sneaking into kitchen. But soon, I would wish that I went to the professor instead. 

When I arrived in front of the painting of a large fruit bowl, panting from lost of breath, I was too late. The painting was ripped open by what looked like big animal claws, and all the fruits were out of the bowl. The bowl must have over turned when something ripped it. I hesitated for a second, and, breathing in deeply, I boldly went in. 

First, the kitchen looked normal. Nothing was damaged. But one thing that worried me was it was too quiet. There were no house elves around, from what I had heard they would come crowding to please you and serve you. But there was none to be found. 

I started to walk further into the kitchen, when I heard the whispered voice of James Potter. "Lily!" He hissed quietly, and I moved my eyes to see where he was. I couldn't see him. 

I began, "I have to tell-" 

"Quiet!" The voice belonged to Sirius, whom I couldn't see also, but was much closer than sound of James. Then I heard it, or rather felt it. There was a low rumbling sound just above me. 

I slowly raised my eyes to see a dark creature perched up on the high ceiling rail. I stood there petrified of fear. Only thing I could see was the gleaming eyes and sharp claws coming down at me. I couldn't move my feet. 

"RUN! RUN!" I felt the push behind me with Sirius suddenly there beside me, and I ran toward wherever I could. I heard panting sound of the beast. 

"WHAT—IS—THAT—THING?!" I shouted at him as we ran around the stainless steel freezers. Sirius didn't look back but said, "I—don't know, but—I—don't want—to—stick around—to find out!—be quiet! He might—HEAR—US!" 

"WHY—ARE—YOU—SHOUT—TING!" 

"SHUT UP—AND—RRRRRUN!" As we ran toward another room in the kitchen, there was no windows or place to hide. It was empty dead zone. 

"Over there!" I pointed with my wand, and I yelled, "_Alohomora_!" A hidden door opened up, and I pushed Sirius into the door as the beast bumped the door, breaking my wand in half and closing the door. 

We leaned against the door, catching our breaths, until we didn't hear the beast any more. 

"You think it's gone?" I whispered so low that it sounded as if I hadn't mouthed a word. 

"I am not sure." Sirius whispered as he looked at me. "What were you doing here, Lily? Did you follow us or something?" 

"Don't sound too grateful. I came to warn you about Malfoy and Snape." 

"But we already knew." 

"You knew! How?" I turned around to face him. 

"Remus. He came just before the _thing came at us." _

I was about to ask Sirius about Remus, but my eyes caught the scene outside through the window in the room. 

"Sirius!" Through the window, I could see two figures running for their lives and a huge outline of a beast, that resembled a ferocious black leopard with three sets of tiny wings, running after them. 

"We've got to help them!" Sirius said, as he ran toward the window, trying to open it. 

"I am not sure it's good idea to run after it!" I said as I too followed him. 

"We've got no other choice, come on!" 

"_Alohomora_!" I shouted holding on to my broken wand. The window flung open with a great force, and shattered around us. We scampered to climb out on to the ground, and ran after them. 

"They are heading for Dark Forest." I said. 

We watched two dark figures disappear into the dense forest leaves and darkness. The beast looked uncertain for a moment, and suddenly turned back, heading toward us. 

"Shit! We've got to separate! Let him follow me. Run!" Sirius shouted as he skidded to stop and turn to the left toward the Lake. I didn't stop to ask what he was going to do. I ran toward the right in blind darkness as the cloud hid the moonlight. Then suddenly, I was knocked off my feet. Landing sharply on the ground, I cried out in pain. 

When I opened my eyes, the half moon creped out from the cloud. I could see the giant figures of Whomping Willow and her angry branches. But before I could worry about her branches, I heard the ferocious cry of the beast not far behind. The beast must have heard me and was coming after me. I crawled toward the trunk of Willow, dodging her angry blows as much as I could. I saw where my broken wand pieces were, but I didn't dare to get them. 

I knew that the beast would not dare come close to the Whomping Willow, and my only chance was to hold on to the base of trunk safely away from the beast and pray that someone would rescue me from the beast then if I was lucky from the Willow. 

"Lily!" I heard someone desperately calling me. "Lily! Look up!" 

I looked up as best as I could at the same time avoiding the smaller branches with willow leaves that was scratching my shoulders and face. 

It was Remus. His pale face, lighted by the half moon, was peering down at me from the above; I am sure he could see the relief on my face at that very moment. 

"Remus! Are you alright?" I could barely make his face out as the dark cloud moved in again. 

"I am alright. Are you-" 

"Fine! Just a scratch." 

"Can you climb?" Remus looked out toward the beast, then back down at me, "I think it might be safer, in case that thing-" 

We both heard the snarling frustrated sound of the beast. I never climb a tree before, a moving angry tree at that, but it was good time to find out. I began to plant my right feet firmly on a branch, avoiding the feisty willow leaves that veiled all around me. 

"Can you see it?" I asked as I reached half way toward Remus. I saw him look out again as he held on to the trunk of the tree. 

"No. I can't. The leaves are too thick around here." 

Remus gave me a hand to pull me up toward him, when I finally reached the half of the length of willow trunk. The ground looked very far from where I was. 

"You wouldn't have a wand with you, would it?" I asked Remus with a hope, but it was short lived, when he pointed toward the ground. I looked over down to the west side of the trunk, and I saw the wand sticking out from the trunk's small gap. 

"Why did you stick your wand to a-" 

Beast yelped out loud as the crack of a willow branch was heard. We hung on to the trunk tighter. 

"There's a knot. You could freeze the willow, and-" 

Another crack of the branch as it hit the beast. We held on. My eyes met his, and his golden eyes were staring at me. I could see the fear in his eyes, and I realized for the first time, how his eyes were shining in the dark. Like someone had turned on a light inside of him. Just like a cat. 

Then I knew. 

"You are-" 

My realization must have shown in my face, because Remus looked away. 

"Are you?" 

He stayed quiet, not moving an inch, then he nodded, his eyes still not meeting mine. I reached out, and squeezed his hand tighter. The sound of the beast was coming fainter and fainter, until there was only the sound of moving branches. We stayed like that for what seemed like forever, until- 

"HEY! LILY! REMUS!" I heard the voice of James Potter. 

"ARE YOU UP THERE!" Sirius called. 

"Mr. Potter and Mr. Black, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't wake up all the students!" 

I closed my eyes in relief, when I heard the stern voice of Professor McGonagall. Thank god, she was here. 

"We are here!" I shouted. "HERE!" 

I looked at Remus, who still looked uncertain and afraid. I leaned closer to his ear, and whispered, "I won't tell. I promise." 

It was no big deal that he was a werewolf, but obviously Remus was shied of it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seven of us stood before angry Professor McGonagalL inside her classroom for last fifteen minutes. 

"Do you have any idea, how many rules you have broken tonight? You could have been killed!" Her voice rang out, making us feeling smaller. "You could have died by Whomping Willow, and you could have seriously hurt yourselves inside the Dark Forest. It's forbidden for that very reason." I stood there like the others with lowered head, my cheek was bruised and my body ached with pain from the strain. 

"I do expected these from you, Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, and Mr. Pettigrew," three of them hung their heads, "but I am very much disappointed to see Mr. Lupin and Miss Evans joining them." 

I saw Remus redden, and I felt the burning red in my cheek also. 

"And Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Snape, since the head of your house, Professor Shaw, is not here. I think it is up to me to give you detentions as I see fit," Malfoy and Snape stiffened. 

"Now, I want to know exactly what happened out there tonight." 

I raised my head to look around, as nobody spoke out. After a minute of waiting, finally, Professor McGonagall pointed me to speak. 

I explained from the beginning, how I overheard Malfoy telling Snape about the prank he had for Peter, Sirius and James, which led to the kitchen(McGonagall looked angry at the three Gryffindors for breaking into the kitchen, and the rest of us for being out and about when it was late), and the beast, then the willow, and how I climb up to Remus. 

After listening quietly, Professor McGonagall asked, "Mr. Malfoy, do you care to elaborate on the story?" 

"Yes," he said with determination, "We didn't know anything about the beast, professor. I do admit that we were planning on the prank, but it was going to be enchanted powders that would make bodies to swell up. That was all. I don't know how that thing came at us! It had nothing to do with the beast, I swear-" 

"You filthy liar, you know damn well-" 

"MR. BLACK!" Professor McGonagall looked hard at Sirius, then at Malfoy. 

"Do you have the enchanted candies?" 

I saw Snape and Malfoy handing over the small scraps that held powders, from their pockets. Then I realized how their robes were tattered and dirty with mud and dirt all over them. They must have been the two figures that ran toward the Dark Forest. 

"Now, I've heard many tales and excuses in my years here, but I had never heard such an elaborate tales in my life from so many students." 

"But professor, it's not a tale," James said, with rest of us, even the Slytherin, nodding. 

"That is enough, Mr. Potter," She looked around us again, "If your story is truth, then how come there is no sign of a beast or any attacks it had made? Hmm?" 

"That can't be, the beast almost destroyed the kitchen, Professor!" 

"We ran from the beast!" "That's why we broke the window!" "The tree saved us!" 

"Beast scratched open the Picture!" "Ask the house elves!" 

"Look at my robe, professor!" 

All of us started to tell her. 

"I almost thought I was dead!" "He had huge eyes!" "He snarled like a tiger or something." 

"It was real beast!" "Look at my robe! I ran from the thing!" 

"We are not making it up, Malfoy is!" 

"SILENCE!" 

She got up from her chair and walked back and forth in front us.

"You can check for yourself tomorrow if you wish. The kitchen picture was not SCRATCHED, nor was the kitchen DESTROYED. I had asked all the house elves, and they did not notice a thing! NOTHING of the beast. Nothing. Nothing had happened. 

"Nobody heard the beast, nor did anyone heard you seven running for your lives as you told me from the non-existing beast." She sighed big and long, and looked at us again. 

"I had had it with all of you. Lying to a professor would not make your detention any lighter, but worse. Twenty points from the house, each of you! I want all of you for detentions for a week! And no more talk of this night." 

We were dismissed immediately. 

"Malfoy, Snape. I knew it was your beast. You tried to kill us!" James hissed out. 

"Whatever, Potter. I had nothing to do with it than Pettigrew becoming a genius." 

"It wasn't us." Snape hissed out, lowering his voice to be not heard by anyone. 

"Yeah, we believe your stupid powder prank, you greasy head!" Sirius hissed, "We all know what you did." 

"I heard you," I said with anger, "I heard you saying-" 

"You heard nothing of the beast, Evans!" Malfoy spitted out. 

"Remus heard your plan too, didn't you Remus?" I asked Remus. 

"I heard them talking about the prank, but not what it was," he said with his cheek reddening slightly. 

"If you forgot, I almost got eaten by that beast, too! If it was our beast, then why would I do that?" 

"So that you could say it wasn't your beast!" James said. 

"It wasn't our beast!" Snape snapped at loud. 

"Look at my robe, I am going to tell my father about this. The beast running around, and now McGonagall is denying its existence!" 

"Shut up about your stupid robe!" Sirius said. 

When we finally parted, still bickering quietly, some threats were made between the Slytherins and the Gryffindors. 

"You better watch where you step, next time!" James said to their backs as two of them went to their dorm. 

"Likewise, four-eyes!" Snape yelled back. 

"Can you believe the nerves of them? Denying everything! I bet they bullied the elves into cleaning up the kitchen and shut them up about it, so McGonagall wouldn't know," Sirius said. 

"Where did you go after we parted?" I asked Sirius. 

He looked a bit sheepish, then said, "I went inside the green house and locked the door, so that thing couldn't get in. I figured I could taunt the beast while I was inside, but I guess it went after you. I would have come and help you, but it turned out I locked myself in too. James and Peter came with McGonagall and got me out of the house." 

"Remus came in, as you know, to warn us, then after you came, Pete and I ran out of the kitchen. Remus, you, ran out through the window, and the beast came after him few minutes later, I supposed. Then we saw Malfoy and Snape running, which made the beast follow them instead of Remus, and we went and got McGonagall." James sighed, "I guess if it wasn't for you," looking at Remus, "we could have been the food instead. So…" looking a bit grateful and embarrassed, "thanks. To both of you." He looked at me quickly. 

"Thank you too," I said softly. 

"Yeah, thanks you guys," Peter said as he looked at Remus and then me. 

"Now do you understand what kind of people are in Slytherin?" Sirius looked at Remus. When he nodded, Sirius clasped his hand over Remus' shoulder. "We should stick together, all the Gryffindors." 

All of us nodded as we looked at each other in appreciation. "And thanks to you, too." Sirius said. 

And so from that night on, we became friends. Sirius and I bickered now and then, and Peter and James really get on my nerve sometimes because they are still boys, but we all trust each other; I also learned that Remus wasn't as quiet as I thought he was when he's among boys. There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and saving each other from the horrible beast is one of them. 

For the Slytherins, I can't say the same. Let's just say that I never frown upon the Marauders when they played pranks on them. Ahem… 

I didn't tell anyone about Remus, as I promised. I figured, there's no way, he is a bloody thirsty monster as books written by old men described. If it was written by witches then maybe I could have believed it, but…beside, I don't care if he became a wolf every month; he still was my best friend rest of the time. 

And it turned out; rest of Marauders didn't care either, when they found out by the end of the year. They weren't as dumb as I thought really, for figuring it out themselves. They actually thought it was the coolest thing that had ever happened to them. As Sirius said, they liked to live dangerously. 

Boys…. 

**Severus Snape:**

"My father would hear of this! This is ridiculous, that thing chased us! And now McGonagall claims there's no such thing! Can you believe this? I bet it's one of their elaborate pranks!" 

On and on and on, Malfoy didn't shut up until we reached our bed. It was very stupid to trying to out run a huge black beast, but strange though, like as if he wasn't after us. He turned around to chase someone else. 

The Gryffindors didn't set the beast free. There is no way they could have acquire such thing, I know that. And we didn't either, even though they didn't believe us. Of course our powders were a back up plan, but we didn't planning on killing anyone. That would get us to the Azkaban. 

I shivered a bit at the thought. 

Malfoy and I were planning to cast a spell, so those Gryffindors would throwing up their foods all week, but I didn't think McGonagall would look so favorably on us if we told her the truth. 

We ended up doing a week of detention every night, washing the gross dishes in the kitchen without magic. The worst part was, we had to work side by side with Gryffindors, and I had endured non stop talk of Quidditich from Potter and Pettigrew, then had to fight off Black and Evans bickering sounds, even Lupin was started to annoy me with his optimistic attitude. The detentions did not deter our prank wars at all. It would intensify as the year passed. My feeble friendship with Lupin was just that. Feeble. 

He was a Gryffindor, after all. One can't change one's nature, and oil and water just can't mix, even if you try and try again. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

end of chapter 4


	5. THE BOOKWORMS

Chapter 5: The Bookworms Year 1973-74 **Peter Pettigrew:**

I've learned something today. Remus is a true genius in Astrology. I guess all the nights he had studied the moon had paid off for him. I never knew he was so good in Astrology before. He taught me how to recognize three different galaxies at once without a sweat during lunch.

**James Potter:**

I've learned something today, something important that all men kind should learn for themselves. I hate all the hates and deaths cause by men. Sirius and I were walking the ground, and somehow, we ended up in Hagrid's hut. Hagrid had shown us a wolf pup. The pup was so small and badly injured by someone, Hagrid had to put him down. 

We buried him in the forest. 

When Sirius and I came back to our room, the curtain drawn around Remus's bed. And Peter said he's been in there since dinner. 

I didn't tell Remus, but I think he knew. He can smell the death on us. Somehow. 

**Sirius Black:**

I've learned something today. There are two types of werewolves: one of human and the other of real wolf. 

Long, long time ago, before the age of sorcerers and witches, during the Lost Ages, there were magical wolves. As the time passed, most wolves lost their powers, except the lunar lupines. They mostly lost their power to transform themselves into different animals or even into humans, but kept the power to transform the others into wolves with the help of the moon. 

When these remarkable creatures and humans contacted each other, it was the year de horribles. The title "werewolves" were given to the lunar lupines and the humans who contacted them, and they were killed upon sight, even though they were harmless. 

The wolf werewolves retreated out of the sight, and the human werewolves were lost and alone without their guides. Scared and confused with rage, the human werewolves turned against their own specie, the humans, during the full moon to revenge the ones that were killed. 

The wolf werewolves are not vicious killing monsters, only the human nature combined with the lunar magic brought out the worst in them. Eventually, the ties between the wolf werewolves and human werewolves weaken. 

But never broken. 

On the night of the full moon, the wolves and the humans would run together side by side as they did thousands of years ago as one pack. They said that without the pack, the lone wolf would never survive. 

Just like that little pup we buried today. Hagrid said the pup must been left behind. All alone. 

Remus was all alone during his transformation. And that got me thinking. Me? Thinking? But all the time I spent spying on Remus in the library years before had its worth. I knew what I could do for him. 

**Remus Lupin:**

I saw flashes of images I do not understand, and this strange voice kept calling or telling me something. Whispering against my ears day and night, in class and in my bed. It hisses in my head, and sometimes I jerk awake from wherever I was to find myself leaning against a wall, not knowing what had happened for last two and a half hours. 

I found myself lingering near the Hospital Wing, until Madame Pomfrey came out and drag me inside with the look of hers. 

"What's the matter, Mr. Lupin? Aren't you feeling well?" 

"No. I mean, yes." 

"I somehow doubt that you were hanging out in this wing, if you were feeling well. I heard your pacing for last forty minutes." She reached out and set him down on a chair. 

"Now, do you want to tell me what's bothering you?" Looking down at him, she mocked stern teacher. "Or do I have to pry it out of you? Come on, love, tell me." 

"It's-it's nothing important really, Madame Pomfrey. I've-I've been losing track of time sometimes." I looked up at her timidly, not sure what her reaction would be. 

"Go on," she didn't show any of her emotion, and I went on. 

"Sometimes I hear whispers. I can't make out what-what it's saying. It's like I am daydreaming, but not by my own will somehow. Like I-I am…I am not sure, not really. Do you think there's anything matter with me?" 

My eyes starred at her kind brown eyes for any answer. She seemed to think, hard, then she said, "Have you been getting enough sleep?" 

"I think so. The usual anyway." 

"How much?" 

"How much do I sleep? Uhh…" I started to count with my hand, "Five hours." I looked up at her face, and asked, "Is that not normal amount? Maybe I sleep six then. I do have a tendency to fall asleep after dinner in the library sometimes." 

"I think, Remus, that you are not getting enough sleep. That's why your body is falling asleep to get that eight hours sleep a day. Why don't you try sleeping in early? I think that would fix your problem." 

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey. I'll try that." I've got up from the chair and started to walk out, until I remembered why I wasn't getting enough sleep in first place. 

"Madam Pomfrey? There's one problem with that." I cleared my throat lightly. 

"You are nocturnal." 

I nodded. It was very hard for me to fall asleep at night, when my brain was going overdrive. I guessed the wolf in me longs the night. I am not a morning person, and it takes every discipline for me to get up in the morning and go on the day. There were countless times; I sat up in my bed, listening to the silence of my dorm. Sometimes I look out the window to pass the time, the other times, I simply read books. 

"I guess, I could give a book that might help you." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What is going on here?" 

I didn't look up, and neither did Sirius, nor Peter. 

"I said, what is going on here?" James stood in the doorway looking over his eyeglasses at us. His dirty face telling his Quidditch practice went well. 

"We're reading, four eyes. Now shut up and sit down and read something, or go away. We are busy," Sirius said to his best friend, not even looking up from his book. I had to smile at the disdainful look on James's face and Peter's snickering. 

"I can see you are reading," James gestured toward Peter and me, but he pointed his broomstick at Sirius, "but what are _you doing?" _

"What does it bloody look like?" Sirius said coolly as he turned a page on his book. 

"A book," said the seeker. 

"What does one do with a book?" asked Sirius. 

"Read." 

Sirius's dark blue eye met the seeker's. "Again I ask, what are you doing with a book? Are you suddenly more interested in a book than our important Quidditch practice? You missed it! I can't remember you ever missing a practice." 

"Sod it, James. It's a voluntary one. It's not even official." 

I had to look hard at my book to keep me still, I could imagine what Peter was doing to do the same. 

"Wha-" It seemed our seeker has lost a word. 

"Besides I am working on something. Can't you see I am busy. Go bugger someone else," with that our beater turned his head down to his book. 

I watched as the stunned seeker going up to our dorm room. 

"Oy, James. Don't forget to have a wash. You stink," Sirius shouted after him. 

Peter and I looked at each other then looked at Sirius, and we both nodded. 

"Hey, Sirius?" Peter asked. 

"What do you need, Peter?" 

"What are you reading?" I asked. 

He didn't answer me, and Peter and I exchanged the look. He was being unusually not Sirius. 

I looked over at his left shoulder as Peter did on the right shoulder. But before I could make out a single word, Sirius closed the book with a bang. 

"Can't I read it without a distraction?" He stood up frustrated. "I am heading to the library, see you mates later," with that he left. 

Peter looked at me and I at him. We sat back down at our own chair, and did not discuss it any further. 

Madam Pomfrey's book on The Nocturnes was not really familiar to my situation. The chapter on nocturnal flowers was interesting. They gather their energy from the moonbeams, for their petals are too delicate for the sunbeams. Their pictures were so beautiful. Their white petals looked almost translucent blue and yet white with the moonbeam streaming down on them. 

Yes, the picture had the full moon as a backdrop. I couldn't force myself to look, even the picture of the moon. I had to close the book. 

"You alright?" Lily asked me suddenly from the behind. 

I turned slightly toward her. "I didn't know you were still there." By then, the common room was silent and darker, the fire had gone out. Peter had gone to bed few hours earlier. 

"I've came down to get my slipper," she pointed at a single slipper that was lying on the ground next to the big comfy scarlet chair. She slid onto the seat next to me and looked at the book on my lap. 

"It's a bit late for reading, isn't it?" She stated. 

"Hmm? Yes, I suppose I should go to bed now," but neither of us moved. 

"What were you dreaming about?" Lily asked interested, as she starred at the dying fire. 

"What do you mean?" I asked, puzzled. 

"Just before. Don't you remember?" 

"Was I sleeping?"

"Yes," she starred at my face, concerned, "are you alright?" 

"I was reading. And there you were, behind me," I yawned. 

"You were talking in your sleep...I guess you best be going onto bed then. Good night, Remus," and she did something, she never done before, she kissed my cheek good night. 

"Good night," I said after her, feeling a bit confused. As I was gathering my books, quills and more, the portrait opened and Sirius climbed in through the hole. "Hello, Sirius. You were still out and about then?" 

"Bloody Mary!" he jumped back, "Remus, mate, don't scare me like that." 

"Sorry." I yawned again, and looked back at Sirius sheepishly. The room was dark, but I was sure he could see me. 

"What are you doing here? It must be like…" he squinted at the grandfather clock on the wall, "bloody hell, it's nearly 2. We better go to sleep, or we will certainly miss McGonagall's class." He grab my arm, and practically drag me up to our room. 

In our rush back to our bed, I forgot to ask him why on earth he was out so late, and again, what book he was reading, that made him leave. And why he won't want to tell us. I drifted off to sleep thinking of Sirius and tomorrow. 

**Severus Snape:**

Oil and water can be mixed together if you add a little soap. It was, ironically, Sirius Black, who pointed this out to me today in Potions. 

"Snape, don't you know that a little bit of soap would mix the water and your grease together? For god sake, wash it! You are stinking up the place!" 

Laughter here, there from Gryffindors. I glanced at Remus next to me. He didn't seem to notice what was going on around him, as his eyes were unfocused, which was happening frequently to annoyance of me. 

"Shut up, you sod. If you are so concerned about grease, you should start washing your hand for a change." I spitted out at him. 

The Slytherins snickered at Black, and I was satisfied with my exchange. To my surprise, the sod didn't try to throw any more nasty remarks at me. I was bit disappointed at that. As much as I hate him, I do enjoy the challenge of coming up with more harsh response to throw at him. 

I glanced at Remus again, and I saw that he was actually asleep. Only his eyes were half open in an uncanny way. I elbowed him sharply, as Professor Loden came in with his usual batch of potion instructions, and he startled himself to wake. 

"Had a nice nap?" I said harsher than I initially intended. 

"What?" he sounded confused. 

"Don't pretend you didn't. You better pay attention, Lupin, I am not going to stand for it, if you don't pull your weight." 

"Sorry, Snape. I am sure I will get the potion right this time," I looked at him, and my disbelief must have shown, or it could have been my scowling. He added helplessly, "or I will try to get it almost right, anyway…" 

"Ughh, Lupin. Just watch me." I turned, "and follow." 

My sharp tongue had worked; he nodded and followed my potion instruction, or at least tried to as he had said. He stirred the final potion the wrong way and way, way too fast. The potion boiled over and burned a hole in my robe, again for the third time this week. 

"Mr. Lupin. Mr. Snape. Best be careful next time. I would not want any of you with botched skin. Do be careful, please. Mr. Bale, what on earth, please put that down before you make more mass on Mr. Malfoy's desk. 

"Miss Thompson, great potion success. I could see a future potion mistress here. Now, Mr. Black, please do not sleep in my class." 

Our potion master Loden tried to pretend he was severe like Professor McGonagall, but everyone knew that he was a really softhearted man. He is the head of Ravenclaws, and in my opinion, too easy on everyone's potions. He never failed anyone ever. I mean, even Lupin, that hopeless boy, received decent grade in his class. He should challenge the students to strive for their limits. It would have been too easy, if I had not partnered with Lupin. 

It was the beginning of our 4th year. "Lupinnnn," I hissed under my breath, and elbowed him again before he fell flat on his face. He blinked again, looking a bit wild, and then looked at me. "You were doing it again," I said as I finished our potion with success this time. I muttered to myself that please let our 4th year go by without any failing potions.

"Sorry, Snape. I didn't notice..."

"Of course, you didn't. Again. How you pass last year's exam is beyond me."

I enjoyed scorning and teaching him at the same time, in return he showed an improvement, as abysmal improvement as it were, by the middle of 4th year, he did not burn any holes in my robes. Ever since our 2nd year, our relationship had changed so that we never spoke to each other unless it was in class, or taunting at each other during hallway or Great Hall. The rivalry between the Slytherins and the Gryffindors was all time highest, as if we were living during the time of the four founders of Hogwarts. 

We hated them with passion, and they, too, equally hated us with same disgust. The pranks were becoming more dangerous and were testing the boundary of dark art. We had to answer their extravagance prank with our own, but all in all, Lupin and I had always been tolerant of each other's presence. I remembered Lupin being different in our first year, and he still was, even with other Gryffindors hanging around him, in a way I couldn't really explain.

Whenever he was around me, I felt something...well...not normal. I didn't feel like I wanted to hex him, like I would feel if Black or Potter was near me. And I didn't feel like I wanted to squash him, as I felt when Pettigrew was around. Didn't feel I want to call names, as I felt toward other Gryffindors either. Maybe it was his mild manner or silence, I didn't know. It was all very confusing.

**James Potter:**

Sirius showed me what he had been reading and planning so far, and I merely thought he had been thinking of new way to revenge those Slytherins for the lost match, but surprisingly he wasn't.

"Animagi," he said, "could be there. With him when he transform. No, James, we won't be in any danger, because the werewolf won't harm any animals. Yes, I read about it."

"Is it proven?"

"Well...no, but I think we can try...don't you think?"

I looked at Sirius as if I hadn't seen him before. He seemed nervous yet excited. Not a good mix, and not a familiar one for someone like Sirius Black.

"Remember the pup, James?"

I nodded, "Of course, how can I forget? What is this...about the pack?" I asked as my glasses fell down to my nose, my eyes widening.

"Yes, yes it is. I think," he started to pace, "we could be his pack. His mates. The wolf's mates. Then Remus won't hurt himself anymore. I mean, then he will be able to concentrate on his work instead of lying on the infirmary bed all the time. We owe him, you know?"

I did know. After we all became good friends in our 2nd year, we all did felt bad about how we had treated Remus. He had been the nicest boy to us, although shy, but he had never told on us about your pranks to professors, even it had included him. We had alienated him, and we've never said we were sorry about it to this day. 

This way we could maybe pay him back for all the nasty things we said about him. Of course, we would have to do it in secret, because Remus won't be very happy to find that we were doing something illegal, even horrified if he knew we were doing it for him.

Yes, yes, I understood that this has to be a secret. It would be great surprise, if we succeed in our transformation. I briefly thought of Lily and what she would say to this. Probably same thing Remus would say. Lily was his best friend after all. I felt little envious of Remus, because of that very reason. Sure, I had Sirius. And yes, Lily was my friend too, but she never looks at me like she looks at Remus, with the twinkle of merriment in her eyes.

No, this will be for the Marauders only.

**Lord Voldemort:**

Let there be death eaters. For the good will come out of the unpleasantness, I shall have to endure them. The connection to the rich and the powerful will have its use as well. Dumbledore and his Order of Phoenix were trying, but they will never succeed. Those fools didn't know the power of Dark Arts. They should throw themselves at my feet for mercy, a mercy they didn't show me.

My power strengthens every day, and my revenge shall be carried out. When I have the control over all the wizarding world, the muggle world would come to know of my presence as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

end of chapter 5 


	6. THE QUESTION, THE STUPID BALL, THE KISS

**Chapter 6: The Question, the Stupid Ball, the Kiss**

**Winter of Year 1974**

**Lily Evans:**

"It's convenient, isn't it?" stated Ashley Thompson. 

"What is?" I asked nonchalantly as we, the 4th year girls of Gryffindor, sat around on our beds, doing what was important to us, gossiping. 

"How there are four boys and four girls of our year," said Ashley. 

"Oh, right. That way we can all go together," said Jo. 

"You two, still going on about that?" said Meg as she flipped through Witches Weekly. 

"About what?" I asked with interest. 

"You know," said Meg knowingly. 

"Know what?" I said still not knowing what on earth they were talking about. With a roll of her eye, Jo said, "The Ball, Lily. The Ball. We are allowed to go now, since we are in our 4th year. Remember?" 

"Oh," I said, "Right." 

"Exactly," continued Ashley, "My mum bought me a new dress robe for this occasion. One from Paris!" she grinned with satisfaction. "She said, I should enjoy any little things during the time of dark times. I am so thankful that Professor Dumbledore didn't cancel the Yule Ball this year like last year. If he did, I would have been so sad to miss it. I've been waiting to go forever." 

"Are you going to ask him out then?" asked Jo, which turned Ashley into shades of red and pink. 

We all know how much Ashley liked Sirius since…well…forever. 

"Josephine, as much as I love you, I can't believe you are that nutter!" said Meg. She turned toward Ashley, "don't worry, Ash. It's boy's job to ask a girl out. He's going to ask you out. I mean, just look at you. You have that curly blonde hair I would kill to have. And of course, I think some of boys are started to notice you." 

I saw Ashley smile a little. 

"Of course, it's just too bad that our boys are just too immature to notice girls yet," quipped Jo. 

"Oh, they are not too bad," I said, remembering the times the Marauders tried to sneak into the Astronomy Tower to catch anyone snogging. Of course, it was to play pranks on Slytherins who are known to snog someone there, but… 

"You only say that because you hang out with them all the time. I would think you like them better than us." said Jo. 

"No, I don't." 

"Don't try to deny it, Miss Evans. We all know you do," Jo said, as the other two girls nodded in agreement. "Yeah, now that Remus doesn't hang out with us anymore, and you hang out with them now. What's going on with your Feminism and all that?"

I nearly choked. I am still a Feminist. Although I did have fun with Marauders... 

"And that's why you are going to help all of us," said Meg. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Go on, tell her," said Jo, elbowing Ashley and Meg. 

"We want to know who's going to ask who out," said Ashley. I starred at all three girls face blankly. 

"How am I going to do that?" I asked with sense of forbidding. 

"Easy," said Meg. They were closing in on me with this knowing look. 

"You ask them," said Jo. 

"Why would I do a thing like that?" I said as I was slowly backing away from three girls.

"Because you are a Feminist, Lily. You believe in the strength of women, and you don't care what the others think. We," Jo pointed to Meg and Ashley and herself, "are not as brave as you, on the other hand. Now what do you say?" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I couldn't believe I was doing this. I was shuffling with what words to say as I worked toward the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. I felt like a hypocrite. I felt so exposed. So wrong. Why am I doing this? Because I wanted to prove to the girls that I was a Feminist, I knew I was. But why did I feel so....wrong. 

I, Lily Evans, the believer and the preacher of Feminism, was reduced to asking boys to see which of them are going to ask us the girls out. The girls are still living in the last century, where the men are the dominant deciding figures. I couldn't believe it. I can't believe I was actually doing it. 

"Good morning," I said as normal as a witch could sound in Saturday morning of November. 

"Morning, there Lily," said James. 

"Had a nice dream?" mumbled Remus with a bad bed hair, which I had to smile inwards. 

"Yes, and you?" 

"I've had better," said the sleepy head with closing golden eyes. 

"Where is rest of the gang?" I asked as I noticed two of them were missing. 

"Sirius's in a beaters meeting, of course," said James as he munched on his breakfast. 

"Of course," I agreed as I put the strawberry jam on my toast. 

"Pete's sleeping in," mumbled Remus with head down. 

"Why aren't you-" 

"James," Remus jerked his head toward James, "he dragged me out so I would not starve myself to death." 

James smiled weakly and I smiled back. We both knew how Remus needed to eat to gain strength after the transformation two nights ago. 

"How's your arm?" I didn't wait for his answer, as I pulled up his right sleeve to reveal almost healed scars that were turning into fresh bruises. 

Remus sat up straight in his seat and covered his arm, "they are much better," he smiled a bit, then his eyebrows furrowed. "What's the matter, Lily?" 

Damn him, he can smell my anxiety. 

"Nothing," I said but I saw the glances between James and Remus plainly. I knew it was my chance to bring it up. 

"Okay, here is the thing," I said with a low voice; so both boys had to bend down to hear me. 

"What is it?" James whispered. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

"So?" 

"Well?" 

"Come on, Lily, tell us?" 

I chewed on my lips and blurted out, "I couldn't do it! Sorry! If I had done it, then well…well…" 

"Well?" asked Meg. 

"I am worst than Narcissa!" There I said it. I couldn't ask them, even if they were James and Remus. I didn't know why, but I got all nervous and sweaty when they looked at me. I was one of the gang, I wasn't supposed to ask them things like that. Only girls like Narcissa, who is soooo anti-feminism, would ask questions such as that. 

Jo broke out laughing, and the other girls followed. I looked at them in surprise, I was so sure, they would be so disappointed that I couldn't do it. I, Lily Evans, who excels in classes, couldn't ask one single question to bloody boys. 

"What is so funny? I am serious!" I said. 

"No, you are Lily, not Sirius," said Ashley in between laughs. "We knew you couldn't ask that question. It was a mighty surprise when you even agreed to ask them." 

"I told you she won't," said Meg. 

"Especially when it were James Potter and Remus Lupin," Jo swooned dramatically. 

"Okay, girls. If one of you won't tell me what's going on, I am seriously considering on telling the boys about how three of you want to go out with them!" I said mock threateningly. 

"Oh, don't tell Sirius! I would be so embarrassed!" said Ashley. 

"Oh Lily, you should have seen your face when you walked toward them at the Hall!" said Meg. 

"It was classic!" agreed Jo. As seeing how I was glaring at them, they calmed down and gave me the full story. "Lily, we know how much you are a feminist, and we wanted to help you realize that you do want to go to the Ball with someone special. If we hadn't done it, then you wouldn't have gone!" 

"You would have stayed here alone, reading or something," Meg sniffled vividly with gesture of wiping her fake tears. 

"We just felt, we had to help you!" cried Ashley. 

"Help me do what?" I cried out. 

"Going to the Ball, of course!" 

"Of course!" 

"But," said Meg seriously, "we do know how much you hate being the…oh how would you say it? Oh yes, lesser sex." 

Ashley said, "So, we are going to let you learn that-" 

"You want to ask _him_ out instead!" Jo cried out. By this time, my face was as red as an apple on Peter's desk. 

"We decided to ask the boys, Lily. I know Ash is a bit nervous, but we had a bet that if _you_ went to ask _that question to the boys and didn't really ask them, then Ash and all of us are going to ask the boys out in _your_ honor." _

"We decided," said Ashley, "spending time with you have opened our eyes to our lives." 

"Which means," said Jo, "we would ask whoever we like, not fearing what the world would think of us, the _girls, asking out the _boys_." _

"Naughty, naughty girls. It is simply not right! Girls asking out boys. What is the world coming to!" said Meg in mock voice of antifeminist. 

I was very quiet until this point. I slowly opened my mouth. "Welcome to the brand new world, ladies." 

I grinned the wicked Evans smile, "Now, I get to pick who I ask out first. Don't worry, Ash, it's not Sirius." 

"I am going to ask that handsome Ravenclaw boy," said Jo dreamily. 

"Hey, I thought we are going to ask our boys first," said Meg. 

"No, that was only to make Lily go and ask the Marauders. Besides, we all know who Lily's going to ask." 

"Who?" asked Ashley, then a second later, "ohhh, right." 

"Okay, do you three know something I don't or something?" I said. 

"Well, something. It's too bloody obvious, we won't tell you," said Meg. 

"Fine by me," said I. I really hadn't thought about who I was going to ask out until that moment, but I knew one person that I wouldn't mind going to the Ball with. 

**James Potter:**

"James, don't forget to ask me out. Oh James, be my date." 

"Shut up!" 

"Oh Potter, please Potter!" 

"I said, shut it, Sirius!" 

Sirius was really getting on my nerves. Stupid, stupid Ball. I hate my life. I banged my head against the headboard. 

"So have you asked her?" Sirius asked. 

"No, I-" 

Stupid ball. Stupid dance. 

"Why not? You better do it soon, or she would be taken!" 

"I know that. But-" 

"But what? I thought you were going to!" 

"I know, Sirius! I was going to ask her today, but-" 

"But what?" 

"Just let me finish, Black," I sent him a glare, "I was going to, but she left before I could, and I couldn't talk to her alone. When I do have a chance to, then I will." 

Sirius bounced down on my bed and sat beside me with our legs dangling down. 

"Are you afraid?" 

"Me? No! Are you?"

Me? Afraid? Of course not! Why would I be afraid of Lily? That's stupidest question. 

"Of course, James. All during the Beaters meeting, my mind was going over 'what if she says no, what if she says yes'. All through out the meeting! I couldn't concentrate on anything. Did you know that I was the only Beater who didn't have a date yet? Well, except that Hufflepuff beater, he's only 3rd year." 

"But Sirius, you haven't decided who you are going to ask out yet." 

"Well….that was one of the problems I went over." 

"You should ask Ashley. She had crush on you since first year. She's a sure bet." 

"Sure bet," mumbled Sirius, suddenly out of the energy, "I don't know anymore!" 

"Why, our most popular beater doesn't know who he wants? This is an outrage! We should-" 

"James," the low voice of Sirius made me stop. He meant business, no jokes this time. 

"All righty then, mate. At least we are going to stay here for the Christmas. We can have the Hogwarts for ourselves. It will be fun." 

"Too bad, Peter and Remus have to go home," moaned Sirius. 

"Hey, don't be party pooper. At least you've got your best friend to take care of you. We could practice Quidditch in snow." 

"That's good idea, James. It would help us during the snow storm," Sirius said brightly. Knowing Sirius as well as I did, I knew what would cheer him up instantly from what was bugging him. 

"Guys! Guys!" we heard Peter's cries before he opened the door and burst in. His face was livid with happiness. 

"What is it?" 

"What's up, Pete?" 

"You won't believe what happened," Peter wheezed out. Sirius and I looked at each other and shrugged, neither of us knew what Peter was going to say. 

"Josephine Knight…" Peter wheezed. 

"Yeah, what about Jo?" Sirius asked impatiently. 

"She…" 

"Yeah, Pete?" I asked. 

"She asked me…" 

"Oh, get on with it, Pettigrew!" cried Sirius. 

"Out!" 

"WHAT?!" Sirius and I both exclaimed. Even Peter got a date to the stupid ball. We needed to hurry or we would be going to the ball alone. That would be very very sad. 

"It's true, she did…ask…me out! Right in front…of…other…people…and….and…" 

"And? And?" Sirius and I were impatient to know what had happened. 

"And…oh yeah, I said yes….of course." 

"Of course," said Sirius, waving his hand impatiently. 

"But more importantly…before that….Lily…she…" 

"Lily?" I asked with a sense of dread. 

"Yeah, Lily asked…" 

Oh, no. 

"Oh, no," said Sirius looking at me. 

"Oh, yes!" said Peter eagerly, "She asked out Remus." 

That last word rang out in my ears. 

**Sirius Black:**

That last word rang out in my ears, as I looked at Peter's happy face, and back to James's face, that probably mirrored my own. 

"It was total surprise, of course. Remus and I were walking from Astrology tower, and suddenly Lily came, then asked Remus, who by the way turned so red, you wouldn't believe if I told you the shade of his color. He was so shocked, he didn't say a word at first, then I elbowed him in the rib, then he said yes. By that time, there was a crowd gathering around us. I mean, nobody, well, we would have expected it from older women, but nobody thought a girl would ask a boy." 

I was frozen in my place, but listening attentively to every details of Peter's explanation. 

"Then, Josephine saw me standing next to red Remus, and she asked me, flat out. 'Peter, I want to go to the Ball with you. How about it?' I was turning red as red as Remus, I am sure. And when I said yes, all the people around us, cheered and high fived us. They chanted, 'Break the tradition! Break the tradition!' All the girls, I mean. You never seen anything like it! It was like…" 

"Magic," said James in a slow voice. 

"Yes! As silly as it may sound. I can't believe I have a date! I can't believe I am going with Josephine Knight. She's the smartest and the prettiest Gryffindor." 

"That's great, Peter," I said, trying to sound happy for him as possible. "That's bloody great." 

"Not even close to Lily," I heard James mumble. I pulled at his arm and gestured toward Peter in a subtle way. 

"I can't believe it. I am happy for you, Peter," James said with a pained smile. 

"I know, I can't believe it either. I am going to owl my mother for a new dress robe. We only have a week left." With that little Peter went out, not noticing anything at all. 

I saw James sitting down on his bed, hunched, defeated, in shock. I was too, in some way. I couldn't believe what just had happened. Who would have thought Remus… 

"Oh, James. I am sorry." 

"No. No. I am happy," he looked up at me above his glasses, "I am happy for Remus. Now, we don't have to worry about finding a date for Remus. He would have stayed in the library, if had it not for…" 

I saw his eyes glistering, and I sat down on the floor and bend my head. I could feel my eyes stinging too for some reason. He cleared his throat and finished, "not for Lily. I knew she and Remus were close friends. It's good of her, really. I am happy for them." 

"Oh, sod it, James. I know you wanted to ask her out since they announced the Ball this year. You could ask someone else you know. Forget her. Lily's not all that, I don't really understand why anyone wants to go with her-" 

"Sirius," I looked up at his face, "I am going to pretend I didn't hear you say that." With that he walked out of the dorm room gravely. 

I didn't like Lily at that moment. And I remembered I never really did like her at all. She was rather plain looking girl with smart mouth, that's all she was. But I didn't understand why I wanted to strangle her right then. I sat there on the floor, in front of James's bed, thinking over and over, the reason why. 

**Madam Pomfrey:**

Everything has a pattern. There has to be a pattern for me to figure this out. 

Remus's unfortunate nocturnal instinct from the wolf must be the reason for his sudden naps, but not the excessive amount of time he seems to lose. I must notify Professor Dumbledore about this. 

**Albus Dumbledore:**

_Dear Albus, _

_I must return this time to see my boy. I was unable to see him past years, because of Russia. I don't want him to worry about me. I had promised him to spend the Christmas with me this time. And I believe Wardley is started to miss him too. _

_Your last letter does concerned me, but I am sure he can overcome any obstacles. He has done it so far. Do please tell me if his dress robe suited him. I believe his hair belonged to his mother, if my memory serves me correctly. _

_As for the mission, I found the grave with help of Mr. DuMaurie. He and I sensed the strong protective charm around it, which we were afraid to penetrate. It might trigger something deadly. As we saw the remains of wild wolves, bears and even a tiger not far from the gravesite that had accumulated for what seemed to be about a decade. _

_My friend, do you really think it is he, who became the dark lord? I don't know what's going on with the world we are living in. Children are dying everyday, do you suppose its his revenge? I had investigated countless parents after the attacks, and it hurts my heart every time. _

_I will be home in few days to greet Remus. I hope you take care of yourself over the holiday. A little bird told me you are working much too hard. _

_Yours truly, _

_Ishmael_

**Lily Evans:**

I looked around the room with unhide-able smile. It was my first Yule Ball. The night was going to be the one to remember for a long, long time. 

Ashley looked splendid in her blue robe that matched Sirius's. It took her three days (after Jo and I asked our boys) to gather enough courage to ask Sirius out, but before she could even open her mouth, the dashing Black asked her instead. All that worrying for nothing. 

Meg looked fantastic in cool gray robe against James's black robe. Meg was the biggest cheerleader for the Gryffindor team, and she had her eyes for our undefeated Seeker. 

Even Jo, who found out that handsome Ravenclaw boy had a date, looked smashing in her pink robe next to Peter's burgundy robe. Even though, Jo was taller than Peter, they looked very happy together. 

I looked around the common room to see all the other couples. Everyone looked nervous, excited and so grown up in their gowns. My eyes eventually found my sweet Remus in golden brown robe that suited his eyes in an unbelievable way. He had changed a lot since our third year. He had gotten taller than me, and lost his baby fats. His beautiful hair had gotten the shine, more into light brown tone, and grown longer finally. 

"You look very beautiful, Remus, in that robe" I said to him as I sat down next to his seat. He tucked his hair behind his ears in an embarrassed way, and smiled at me from the chair he was sitting on. 

"I was going to say the same thing to you," his soft voice said. 

"It matches your eyes perfectly," said the voice of James. I turned around and smiled at him. 

"Why thank you, Mr. Potter. You look better in that robe than in your Quidditch robe." 

"Hey, no jokes about Quidditch," he joked. 

"Oh, I am so sorry. Thousand pardons, sir," I got up and curtsied in front of him. 

"You will owe me a dance, then." 

"I will be happy to oblige with a permission from my partner," I curtsied to Remus, who smiled in return. 

"Oh, I happily give you my permission." 

"And I too," said Meg, who hugged Remus from behind. "I think it's only fair that I would have two dances from Remus." 

"Two? Why two?" I asked. 

"Because, Miss Evans. He owes me for the Divination," she fluttered her eyes like Madam Lucita. "Remus, I see you are in a grave danger! A stranger who is not a stranger seeks you-you-youuuu." 

All of us broke up laughing. Madam Lucita claimed to see everyone in danger every time we attended her class. And when Remus was the one to be chosen that day, he wasn't feeling too great. It was right after his transformation. To diverge the attention away from him, Meg dramatically flared her arms and cried, "I seek youuuuu, Remus!" Meg had gotten a detention, and Remus was forever grateful for her. 

Meg continued, "I see the death hanging over youuu, Remus. Please, young man, listen to what I say-say-saaayyy." 

"But Madam Lucita," said Remus in mock horror, "I am-" 

"Dun dun duuun," said Sirius suddenly in his lowest of low voice. 

"Dead!" Remus cried out, and pretended to faint. Sirius caught him in his arms, and cried, "Noooooooooo! Stellaaaaaaa!" 

Suddenly, Remus opened his eyes and said in a normal voice, "Stella? Who's Stella?" 

We all broke out laughing, "It's from muggle movie," said Jo. 

"I am Stella!" said Ashley as she appeared in front of Remus, continuing on the play. 

"I can't believe, you thought I was-" with a dramatic pause, Remus said, "Stella! I thought you loved me!" He started to feign tears. 

"I thought he loved me too!" cried Ashley, and Remus and Ashley hugged each other and started to cry in front of Sirius. 

"I-I am sorry?" Sirius said after not able to think of anything else. 

Suddenly, Ashley turned away from Remus and mock slapped Sirius. "Is that all you have to say?" 

"Ehhh…" 

"Oh, Sirius, don't be so serious. Be creative!" said Meg. And rest of us nodded in hopes to see more. 

Ashley turned her hair around with a swing, and got up from the floor to join rest of us. Remus turned around to face Sirius, and mock slapped him like Ashley had done. 

"And I thought you loved ME!" said Remus with sniffles. 

"I do love you!" 

"You liar!" cried Remus loudly, "you said you loved Stella!" Remus turned around and started to got up from the floor, ready join us in the circle, away from all the attention. 

"No!" suddenly Sirius grabbed Remus's robe. Remus fell back in surprise into Sirius's arm. But nothing had surprised any of us than what Sirius did next. 

Sirius kissed Remus. 

All the girls gasped out loud, and all the guys stopped laughing dead.


	7. THE TURN OF THE EVENT

**Chapter 7:** **The Turn of the Event**

**Yule Balls of Year 1974-1975**

**Lily Evans:**

All the girls gasped out loud, and all the guys stopped laughing dead. But Sirius continued to kiss Remus. And stunned Remus didn't move an inch. His shock featured was frozen as if he was petrified. 

Suddenly, Sirius pulled apart and flashed his wickedly perfect set of white teeth at gaping mouths of ours, and said, "You are right, I do love Stella!" With his finger, he began to caress Remus's lips. "Oh Stella, Stella. How I love thee." 

It was I, who first broke out laughing, trying to ease all the tension. And one by one, all of Gryffindors started to howl with laughter. The shock had died down, and they were able to laugh at what it appeared to be one of Sirius's usual pranks. 

"Bravo, Sirius. No one can outdone you, now!" cried Peter. 

"By Merlin, Sirius," said our seeker with red tinge on his face, "You are not going to kiss me, are you?" 

"No, James, you are too ugly." 

"Come on, mates. We should get going, otherwise, there won't be any punch left," someone said over our shoulders, and we started to disperse out through the portrait hole. Peter went out first, so he could give a hand to Jo as she came out. I went and stood after Ashley. 

"You two coming?" I asked, as I moved closer to the hole. 

Sirius stood up, and extended his hand to Remus, who took it with embarrassment shown on his face. "Sorry, mate, you know I had to." 

"I know, but I wish you didn't had to, with me," said Remus, looking flushed. I saw the light in Sirius's eyes flicker a bit. "But I had to admit, it was a good kiss. No wonder, all the ladies were after you, you dog," said Remus in a playful tone with a smile. 

"You know me," said Sirius with his smile back on his face. 

As I climbed through the hole, I heard Remus, "Yes, I know you." 

My head was already turning. Lily Evans wasn't just a top student for nothing. The kiss was to be talked about for entire school year. And as soon as we all left the corridor together, the news of the kiss spread like a wild fire. Sirius had received few sniding comments from the Slytherins, but most of students were really curious or shame that they missed the fun. 

Few older girls were looking at Sirius and even James with this lovey dovey eyes, and I realized then, that I didn't know they were quite popular. That night, I had danced with Remus most of the ball, except for few dances with Marauders, and the rest in between. 

Two days later was the day students left for home, and I remembered being surprised when James and Sirius came down to the train station. I had thought they were spending the break at Hogwarts. It turned out Remus had invited them over to stay with him, which I was a bit jealous of. I wanted to go to, but Peter and I had our family obligations we couldn't get out of.

The time past quickly, when you were busy. It was the second Yule Ball to come around for me to realize whom I really, truly, fancied. I never realized how James was smart and funny at the same time before the 5th term started, that was when he and I became Gryffindor Prefects. All the meetings and times we had to spend together, made me realized I liked him. More than a friend.

Remus also received his letter, but he decided to turn it down. He says he can't study with a job as being one of the Prefects, but I think the real reason was he wanted me to be with James alone. That damn smart brain of his! Remind me to thank him before I forget. 

And somehow, all the other people think, we are meant for each other. I didn't know James liked me last year, but according to Meg, Jo and Ashley, it was too bloody obvious that I liked him back. And Meg was too disappointed that I didn't go out with James last year, but with her favorite boy, as she liked to call, Remus. 

I didn't know she liked Remus. Don't get me wrong, I had a crush on Remus since I met him on King's Cross. I didn't just ask him out last year just because we were good friends. But after a while, I've learned my feeling toward Remus was a fierce protectiveness toward him. I think that's how all of us, who are closest to Remus, feel. Wanting to shield him from whatever it is. It's not that he's weak, or anything, but you can't help feeling he needs the gentlest shield from the world. 

Years later, I would learn that feeling is typical reaction toward young werewolves, as how all wolves feel toward young pups. Unlike other beasts, like lions, wolves will adopt other's pups and raise them as their own. They were very fascinating creatures. 

I've had my suspicions of Sirius and Remus since that night of the kiss. God knows how I paid attentions toward them all 5th year. All the data and facts are pointing toward one thing. If James noticed, he didn't tell me, and I didn't discuss it with him, for it was a private matter. But I am not sure, if the two in question have realized their feelings or possibly other's feelings for each other, yet. Sirius had his shares of girlfriends, all short term relationships this semester alone. His reputation of being the player and the heart breaker was getting so bigger than life among girls, I had to cough so I won't laugh at the irony. 

In another words, our first Ball was our awkward teenage selves getting used to the idea of love and our first taste of whole new world. The second Yule Ball was about to be very interesting to observe. 

**Severus Snape:**

In the beginning of my 5th year, I knew I was in love. Whenever he smiled at me apologetically for our failed potions, or the Marauders' pranks on me, I felt my heart beating faster. For a while, I thought I was only angry with him and his friends, but deep in me. I knew the truth. I studied in the library, because I could watch him study. I tolerated his failure in potions, because then I could be his partner. I would spy on him when he wasn't watching. The way he smiled, however, faint it was, I relished in his presence. I knew I must suppress my feelings, because we were different. I was to grow up and marry someone from Slytherin House, a girl, not a boy. And not certainly a Gryffindor at that. 

I was in love with a boy, who would never return my affection, even if he knew. He was in love with Black. That I could sense with jealousy. When Black were taunting him, it was I who made friend with Lupin. It was I who helped him in potions. But it was him, that Lupin loved and cared for. 

**Ishmael Stafford:**

I heard the door opening from where I was sitting, tied down with ropes, digging into my old bruised skin. I heard the heavy footstep coming toward me, ringing out against the hollow walls around us. 

"I knew I would have my day with you," the stranger said, his face masked by the shadow, but his voice, I remembered the voice clearly as I did the first day I had heard him speak in my class. A brilliant boy. The smartest in my class. 

"You're…you're…" I stammered. I had never expected to see him, in this place, like this. 

"Yes," he came out of the shadow, revealing his face, "I am Lord Voldemort." 

His face had changed, but his eyes didn't. I still saw the bright golden eyes that once belonged to Thomas Riddle, the smartest student I had ever known, my protege, inside his now dead eyes. 

"You'll never win this way," I said softly, my old voice showing my age. He looked at me, and laughed. The cold, emotionless laugh chilled me through my heart. Freezing any warmth I had. 

I tried again. "You can't change what had happened, Thomas-" 

"Thomas is dead! I am Lord Voldemort now. You made me who I am. You didn't think I wouldn't find out about it?" His eyes flashed with anger, dark anger. 

"Listen to me Thomas. She won't come back. She will never come back now. I know my mistakes, and I won't let you make more of it. You still have the chance to turn this all back. You still have it." I said desperately. His face turned deadly, "Why don't you tell that to your precious friend, Dumbledore? Hmmm? No, wait. I've got a better idea," he drew his left hand from his side, "I'll let your body show him." 

There was a flash of greenlight, and my last thought was on my dear boy. 

Who would take care of you now, Remus? Who will tell you all there was to tell you? So many layers of secrets, so many...unspoken truth. 

**Sirius Black:**

I half heartily smiled at Jessica, my Ravenclaw 5th year Prefect partner, as she led me to the Great Hall. There were many students around us, and craned my neck in search of Remus. In my mind I had panicked, when I kissed him without any self-control or any thoughts on the consequence of my action. I wasn't thinking straight. 

We were alone in our dorm room. He was talking animatedly about Mr. Stafford and how much he had fun last Christmas at Dafford Castle with James and I as surprise guests, and how this year was going to be fun with all the Marauders at the castle. He was talking, and suddenly he stopped. I saw he was falling asleep again, and I caught him in my arm before he could hit his head on his trunk. 

I held him in my arm, trembling slightly; I had realized then, how precious and fragile he was. Then as sudden as it were, he woke up, confused and embarrassed. The length of his sudden attack of sleep was getting unpredictable as ever. He blushed, that maddening pink on his cheek that I wanted to caress. 

When Remus got up to leave me, I had a sudden tightening in my chest. It wasn't like I never had that feeling before, but that time, it was worst. Only thing I could think was…don't let him get away, don't let him walk away from…from me. So I grabbed him, and kissed him. Not like I did a year ago, not just for a play. 

But for real. 

Stupid, stupid Black. I felt like banging my head against the wall. Stupid, stupid Ball. Second year in a row, I made a fool of myself. I practically ran out on him, before he could say anything. Stupid, stupid Ball. He must hate me now. 

I gently held Jessica in my arm, as we sway with the music along with our fellow mates, since we came down hours ago. As I looked at her, I knew this is the way it was supposed to be. I, Sirius Black, was dancing with this beautiful and loving girl, who adored me. I caught the envious glances at us from all direction. 

As I stared at their eyes, I knew what they were all thinking. How lucky we are. How lucky am I, to be dancing with her. How lucky is that Black, dancing with the most beautiful girl in Hogwarts. How lucky is that Sirius, to be envied by all, to inspire the boys to be like me. But I wish I felt the same way. I wish I were like him, Sirius Black the shining star. I wish I were the golden boy who can't do no wrong. I truly wish I were the boy that could live up to that façade of endless reputations. 

And of course, I was living a lie, a charade. I loved my best friend. And I had kissed him only few hours ago. 

I didn't feel like the great Sirius Black at that moment. I saw Remus dancing with Meg. I looked at James, dancing with Lily. And Peter, who can't forget Peter, who were practically being smothered by Jo's towering figure for second year in a row. I felt a tug in my arm, and I look down at Jessica as she smiled up at me, and I smiled back to her. 

"Sirius?" asked Jessica as she leaned her head on my shoulder. The enchanted ceiling displaying the beautiful night sky along with sparkling stars. 

"Yes?" 

"What are you thinking?" she whispered as if we were alone, apart from the others. 

"Oh. Nothing. I was just thinking…" My eyes landed on Remus, who was now being laughing at something Meg had said. 

"Yes?" 

"Thinking of how thirsty I was," I said. 

"Oh, do you want to get-" 

"Yes, I think I will," with that I slipped past her arms, to the refreshment table, which was chiffon by Professor Dumbledore, oddly enough. 

"-of course, that was why the drink is called the punch," Dumbledore was talking to a 7th year Slytherin boy cheerfully. 

"Professor?" I asked as I approached the table. 

"Have a nice time," Dumbledore said to the Slytherin and turned toward me with his eyes twinkling, "Yes, Mr. Black. My, what a fine wizard you look." 

I blushed at his complement, "Thank you." 

"Would you be needing two cups of this punch?" Dumbledore said as he had a cup in his hand. 

"Yes, please." As he was taking his time pouring the red and green punch into its appropriate cup, my eyes started to wander around the floor again. I saw Peter, dancing with Ashley. Next to them, James was dancing with Lily. Jo was dancing with the Ravenclaw keeper. 

Then I saw Remus with Meg. They were dancing awfully long time together. "-the kiss, Mr. Black," I heard Dumbledore say, bringing my attention back to the table. 

"What, sir?" 

His clear and kind gray eyes were twinkling. "I heard about Mr. Lupin and your daring performance, last year." 

"Oh. That," I averted my eyes to the red and green punch, "I thought everyone had forgot about that by now. We were just playing around." 

"I see," said Dumbledore with unreadable expression on his eyes. "I hope you will enjoy the new tradition." Before I could ask him what he had meant, a rush of Ravenclaw couple came up. He began to fill up the cup slowly, and I, once again with an anxiety, turned back to the floor. 

This time, I was unable to find anyone familiar. I saw Malfoy dancing with Narcissa near the Slytherins. They looked smug together. Snape was in my view, not far from them. He looked all cleaned up in his black robe. Although he was not dancing, he looked like he was busy scanning the crowd like me. My distaste must have shown in my face, because suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. 

"You look like you are about to kill someone, or throw up," Lily stood in front of me, with a concerned face. I cracked up my Black grin, and said, "You would be too, if you saw Snape dancing." 

Lily laughed, and greeted Dumbledore with the request of a cup of the special red and green punch. Dumbledore, who was still pouring the punch onto a cup, took out his wand, and started to fill Lily's cup magically. 

"Come on, Black. You haven't dance with me," Lily said as she pulled me away from the punch table with her drink on her hand. With two drinks on my hands, I nodded as if she left me no choice. 

"Are you sure about that, Miss Evans? I might be dangerous," I said as I put away the cups to hover above my head safely away from bumping bodies. 

"Ohhh, I think I can handle little runt like you, Mr. Black," Lily said as she threw away her cup with a wave of her wand. 

"Is that a challenge, I hear?" I said, as we stood facing each other at the end of the dancing floor. 

"No, it's a promise." She looked at my eyes with an amused expression. 

"Ouch, touché." I said and looked over her,"Where's-" 

"James?" She turned and pointed toward the exit, "talking about Quidditch with seekers over there. I got bored." 

I nodded, James had tendency to get really into Quidditch among other players. Lily smelled nice, not too much perfume, unlike many of the girls here, whose smells were overpowering. She must have considered Remus's keen sense of smell. He did get nauseous often in a confined room with a strong smell, like the potions dungeon for example. 

In sense, Remus reminded me of his house elf, Wardley, who had taken liking to me and James, when we visited Dafford Castle last Christmas. Remus had shown us all of the fine winery, garden, and his favorite room, the ancient library, which was far back from the kitchen, where James and I liked to hangout, near the big fire. Remus had cuddled up against his favorite chair in the big open library that stretched up to third floor. It was enormous room, filled with any books you can imagine. Remus had been working on categorizing all the books during the summer. We helped him a little during our stays there, when we couldn't go outside, because of the snow. 

Mr. Stafford was there as well, but we didn't see much of him, except at dinner table. The wizard was old, not as old as Dumbledore, but quiet close, I calculated. Remus had practically glowed in front of him, and any fool would be able to see that they cared for each other very much. 

"Hey," Lily was snapping her fingers in front of my face, "Me. You are dancing with me." 

"Sorry, Lil," my eyes coming back to her. 

"Were you thinking about Remus?" she asked bluntly. I blurted out with a surprise, "How did you know-" 

"I didn't," she said and she leaned in closer to my ear, "until now." 

I didn't know where to put my eyes, "Are you…. Do you…" Lily trailed off, uncertain. Probably wondering if she would offend me. 

"Do _you_ mind?" I whispered, my heart thumping madly. 

"No," she said quickly to assure me, "I would have minded a little if it was a year ago, but, now I don't mind. Remus is a good friend, that's all, contrary to other's belief," she looked back at the direction of Gryffindors, "Then, you are sure that you are…" 

"A poof? No. I am not a poof. I mean I never liked any other boys, just….him," I said surely. 

"Ohh. I see. Does James know?" 

"Yes," I said. 

"For how long, have you…" she asked with less of uncertainty, more of curiosity. 

We danced farther away from the louder crowds. "I think since the first Ball." 

"I knew it," she said with a triumph on her face. 

"You knew?" 

"The bloody kiss, Sirius. It was too obvious, if you knew where to look. You can't fool me-" 

"Oh, how silly of me, how could I fool the Prefect Lily?" I said as I grinned innocently, but my grin disappeared quickly when I remembered my kiss with Remus only hours ago. 

"What's wrong, Sirius?" 

I wasn't sure if I should tell her about the kiss yet, but she was the only one who knew Remus the best. 

"I kissed him, Lil." 

"Yes, I know. I think everyone does now." 

"No, Lil. I mean I kissed him, today," I said gravely. 

"Ohhh," said Lily's mouth silently. 

"And I ran out on him, Lil," I looked at her desperately, "I don't know what he would think of me. I-I-I don't know if he hates me. I-" 

I was cut off, when there was a sudden wash of silence in the great hall. Professor Dumbledore stood on the platform; "I want everyone to join the rest of us in the dance floor." When the scattered students rejoined us, Dumbledore smiled broadly, "now, since this year's theme seemed to be the change, I had proposed a change in the last hour of dance sequence. I want all of the you to close your eyes," magically my eyelids slid down and closed, "and everyone start to mix among all of you." Magically my legs started to move. All of the students started moving perfectly in random way, but still not bumping into each other. The music started to play again, as we all moved in our blind walks. 

Dumbledore spoke again with excitement; "This would be our new tradition, if everyone agree. Now, everyone stop, open your eyes," I opened my eyes to see 6th year Hufflepuff girl in front of me. Everyone looked confused as they looked around. There were girls facing girls, boys facing boys, and then mixed couples like me. "Now, start dancing with your new partners. Get to know everyone. Get to know new friends. Come on, have fun while you are at it." 

There was a silence, except for the music, and people started to dance with their partners. I extended my hand to my partner, and the girl smiled and took it. All of us started to dance in small circles. When the music change again, all of us started to be led magically to new spot and a new partner, but this time with our eyes open. My second partner was another girl, this time 4th year Gryffindor, we only danced for a minute this time. 

As people were getting used to the idea of this bizarre dance of Dumbledore, I began to look for my friends, wondering who they were dancing with. But it was difficult to see when your legs were leading you to new circle. And this time, I was facing a boy. 4th year Ravenclaw, Richard Corley, the Quidditch beater. 

"Richard," I said courteously. 

"Sirius," he said nervously. 

We danced only a few second this time, thanks to the fast music change. But as I was walking to my new place and partner, I passed by Remus. I would have been frozen if my legs would had let me, which I was thankful for. I stopped in front of Narcissa. We scowled at each other as we danced together. And to my worst luck, it turned out to be the longest dance. I looked over her shoulder to see whom Remus was dancing with, and my heart sank. His new partner was Severus Snape. 

"Ow! You step on my foot," Narcissa hissed quietly, but I didn't care about her. I was busy spying on Remus and Snape. I saw Snape whispering against Remus's right ear, his eyes glinting right at me. He had caught me looking at them. Snape smirked his thin lips, fueling my anger toward him. 

At last, the change of the partners began again. This time my feet led me closer to Remus, still not able to catch his eyes, I faced my new partner. It was James. 

"Sirius, old pal! How nice to dance with you," he said teasingly. 

"Did you see Snape dancing with Remus!" I hissed silently as I turned my head to spot who Remus was dancing with now. It was another boy, who I didn't know. 

"Another boy, damn!" I said. 

"You know, you are being a jealous prick right now, don't you?" James said. 

I fumed silently as I stared at Remus. 

"Sirius, you being silent, doesn't really suits you." 

"Bugger out, James. And I am not jealous." 

James looked very skeptical. 

"Why don't you just tell him, Sirius." 

"I can't-" 

"Why not? You are only going to do something stupid if you don't. Otherwise-" 

"I already did." 

"-people are going to notice. What? What did you do?" 

"What do you mean, people are going to notice? Am I that obvious or something?" 

Suddenly the music changed, and we were separated again. My legs leading me closer to where the magical instruments were playing, near the windows. They started to play something more slow this time, and the lights in the Hall slowly dimmed. I was craning my neck to see where Remus was dancing this time. I hardly noticed who was in front of me, until- 

"Hello, Sirius," the voice of Remus greeted me. I was thankful that it was dim lighting; otherwise everyone would have seen me jump up with a surprise. 

"Aren't you going to dance with me?" his voice, uncertain, said. 

"Yes, of course," I held his delicate hand in mine and I felt him resting his other hand on my shoulder. Remus looked so bloody good, I couldn't actually bring myself to look at him. Remus, too, looked straight ahead over my shoulder. The music was slow and romantic, much to my frustration. 

We didn't speak to each other, but I felt his breathings and movements as if they were my own. I smelled his clean soap smell along with the usual whatever sweet-scented lotion he had put on to protect his easily bruised white skins. 

"You smell nice," I said without thinking, startling both of us. I felt the flush of embarrassment on my face, then he said- 

"You too," said Remus, his eyes meeting mine. His big golden eyes were shinning with the yellow lights of candles. I didn't see any hatred toward me, not even resentment. My eyes trailed down and saw his soft and full lips, and I was reminded again of our kiss. 

"I am sorry. I am sorry about the kiss, Remus," I said it at last. 

"Oh-" Remus said. I saw his eyes flicker. It passed so fast, I wondered if I saw it correctly. 

"I've had no right to do that," I stared at his eyes, "I didn't know what I was thinking. Oh, I know, maybe I thought it would be a Yule Ball tradition. Kissing Remus before the dance brings luck, or something like that, you know? Lots of people do something silly things like that before some important events. Did you know that Tek Valour used to kiss his frogs, before he went out to battle? Well, he did. People said, they said that that's where the folk tale of the prince being the frog came about. Isn't that interesting? And also, Driggs, remember her? She used to hop twenty nine times before she had to go out and play Quidditch. Always twenty nine times. I counted them myself. She said she wouldn't get hit any bludgers if she did. And Bruno Radrigo, he was known to-" 

"Sirius, you are babbling," Remus whispered against my right ear. I was thinking up excuses, I didn't even notice that Remus had leaned in closer to me, his lips right next to my right ear. His hot breathe on my right ear. 

"Sorry, Remus. Again," I smiled apologetically. And I was rewarded with his smile, although he moved away from my ear and it faded sooner than I would have liked. 

"Well," Remus leaned in again, his breath dancing against my ear, "I am not," he whispered. "Sorry about the kiss, I mean." 

Bloody Mary, exactly that moment, there was a big bang near my left ear. And I wasn't imagining it alone, for I saw Remus's head turning at the sound. I caught Remus in my arm, as I whirled around from the source instinctively. The ground shook, and many of us lost balance and fell. 

I didn't know what was happening, but the swarm of people was pushing us, separating us. "Remus!" I called out, but everyone was desperate to get out of there. The windows shattered from the sides. "Remus!" I called for him again, and people were screaming, crying. My voice was lost amongst many others. The spilled punches eerily resembled blood. Everyone was running in total chaos, in total fear of unknown. All the screaming and the smoke filled the room. Making my eyes burn and tears welled up. In my blindness, I escaped the Great Hall toward clear air of outside. 


	8. THE AFTERMATH

**Chapter 8: The Aftermath**

**Year 1975**

******Lily Evans:**

"Merlin!" 

I ran blindly, following the others, being pushed by the crowd, seeing only what was in front of me. It was hard to see or hear what was really happening. One minute, I was dancing with 7th year Ravenclaw boy, then next I was almost trampled by people. 

I felt the tiny burning pains, and I looked at my arms. They were bleeding from various cuts, but otherwise, they seemed to be working. 

"Lily!" It was James, calling me from my right. Everyone calling at everyone in frenzied fear. Then there was another BOOM, and everyone screamed and ducked. The debris started to fall on our heads. We needed to get out.

"James!" We weaved our way into each other, still surrounded by frighten students, walking fast toward a place with clean air. "Are you okay?" I shouted to be heard, almost hysterical. The painted people were also running across their canvass, leading us to safer place.

"Yes! Yes," he looked down at me in alarm, "You are hurt!" James clutched my blood stained sleeve. He took a turn, guiding me into another hall, apart from the crowds and the noise. 

"I am fine! I fell, that's all," I said, breathing in the cleaner air. We were far from the Great Hall now. I looked around the surroundings and knew that we were near the entrance of Potions dungeon. Cooler night air hit me hard, and I stumbled. 

"Let me take you to Madame Pomfrey," James said, looking at my arms, steadying me to my feet. 

"But that's in the another wing. We should stay here until we know what's going on," I pulled my arms from his gentle grasp. I looked up at his face, noticing the prominent cut on his face for the first time, "You've got a cut on your cheek." James reached up to his face, and cringed when his fingers contacted the angry cut. We had been hiding there for hours, but to us, it only seemed like few seconds. 

"What do you supposed happened?" James looked out through the dark window. He sounded scared and worried, and for the first time in my life, I was afraid. Sure, the war was raging on with You-know-who, but I never felt we were in any danger under Professor Dumbledore. 

"Do you think it's an attack from...?" I asked timidly. 

James looked sharply at me, "You-know-who attacking right under Dumbledore's roof? I don't believe it. He wouldn't dare." He hugged me with his right arm, pulling me close. "He wouldn't dare." But we both knew there was no possible explanation for sudden impact except for the death eaters of you-know-who. 

"James," I looked up at him, "I forgot something." 

"What is it?" He asked me frowning, as if thinking what I was thinking of. 

I straighten up my body, "we are prefects, James. We can't stay here, hiding like this. We've got work to do. We've got to go back and help the others." 

He looked at me with a strange expression that resembled how he looked at his favorite Quidditch player, then he too straighten his robes, and took charge. 

"You are right. Let's go," he took my hand, and we both headed toward The Great Hall. I wasn't scared anymore. We pushed deeper into the Hallway in blind darkness, only with our wands to light our ways. When we approached the Great Hall, we could see the thin half sized moonlight streaming in. 

The smoke was still there as we approached and few reminisce of fire here and there, we saw two students helping a boy with leg injury. And the strangest thing was, not the ruined windows or the red and green stained floor, it was the instruments, stilling playing the supernatural waltz for us in the empty room. 

"James, look at this?" I called for him in front of where our magnificent windows used to be. "Look." 

James looked out, seeing what I was seeing. Out in the ground of Hogwarts, we saw groups of teachers surrounding a distinctive outline of Professor Dumbledore, making a ring about him, but we weren't looking at them. James and I stared in horror as one distinct Death Mark hung in mid air, shiny as a full moon. 

"Someone's hurt," James said tensely as he looked out at the group of people. They parted the way for Professor Dumbledore, who was followed by a stretcher with a person on it. There was a white sheet over the person. 

Someone was dead. 

That night was a blurred memory. Only thing I remembered after that was how all the professors gathered the unharmed students, and told us all our parents were expecting us. That it was, indeed, an attack and not an accident. That no student died. That life would go on. That few of students would have to remain in Hogwarts over the break to recover, and that the one of them was Remus. That the death eaters had invaded our school. That we didn't know the reason why. That we didn't do anything. But the evil didn't need a reason for the things it destroyed. That it was not our fault. 

None was got to say goodbye to Remus when we were almost forced on board early next morning. They wouldn't tell us what was wrong with him. Whether he was badly injured or not. All of us wanted to stay for Remus, but that was not option. Our parents were worried, and the professors wouldn't allow it. Sirius was almost ready to kill someone as he brooded quietly in the corner, Peter looked he was about to die, and James looked very very sad. We sat quietly, lost in our own thoughts and worries. They didn't tell us who it was that died yesterday.

**Remus Lupin:**

My face was hot and I felt little tipsy. I assumed the punch I had drink had some effect on my brain, because I had boldly told Sirius how I wasn't sorry about his kiss and my heart wasn't leaping out of my chest. I felt unusually calm despite the tenseness in my brain, that was, until I heard the loud bang. 

When Sirius and I were being pushed by frighten peers, I had fallen. I lost the control again. Madam Pomfrey had explained to me about my narcolepsy months ago, that I could loose control of my consciousness, when my mind or body is stressed or agitated. I had fallen and would have been trampled with a serious injury, if not for Severus Snape. 

He must have seen me go down, because he found me despite all the moving bodies, shuttered glasses and shakes of the ground, and carried me all the way to Madam Pomfrey. We must have been the only ones to make a run for it using the corridor, right of the Great Hall. I remembered waking up suddenly in his arms to see Snape's left face as he was running. Entire hallway seemed to be in flames and submerged in smokes. It was so intensely hot that our bodies seemed like an ice, we shivered against the heat. He didn't even notice me trying to get his attention. I was yelling his name as if that was only thing I could do. I was scared and confused. There was so much smoke around us. Our eyes throbbed with tears. 

I yelled his name over and over again in pure horror, my shrieks would have been loud, but he wasn't listening and neither was I. Snape, he just ran like there was no tomorrow. To us it seemed like an eternity to get away. He missed the hospital wing twice by running pass the entrance. Both of us were fixed on one thing to not shut down completely from the shock and fear. We fell together about three times, each time we thought we were dead. We heard the footsteps, right on the heel, as if they were chasing us. We were too shocked to remember what really had happened during the run to hospital wing. 

When finally we had arrived, Snape practically passed out of exhaustion and drain of sudden energy. I was still shrieking his name, and only after Madam Pomfrey gave me something, I stopped and gagged for air. Physically there were only bruises and scratches on our bodies, but mentally we were scared out of our minds. We didn't know it then, but we were the only ones to witness the death eaters in Hogwarts. 

When I woke up the very next day, the hospital wing was only occupied by three others, a boy I didn't know with a broken leg, a 6th year Hufflepuff boy with burned arms, and then Snape, who was snoring lightly in the corner. Madam Pomfrey was talking quietly to Professor Dumbledore, when they noticed I was awake. 

"Remus," Professor Dumbleddore said in grave voice, as Madam Pomfrey left us, "How do you feel?" 

I subconsciously touched my head, trying to feel any pain. "I feel fine, sir." 

Dumbledore sighed heavily, his eyes looked tired and warned out. "I have something terribly unfortunate news to tell you-" 

"Was it you-know-who?" I asked fearfully. For split of second, I saw a slight change in his eyes. It took him few seconds to answer me, "Yes, I am afraid it was him. No, no. Everyone's safe. The rest of students are back home with their parents." 

My heart started to race with unfound anxiety, "Does Mr. Stafford know what happened? He might worry when I don't show up. He doesn't really like waiting at King's Cross, muggle place and all..." When I trailed off, I felt silly. Of course, everything would have been taken care of. They always do. 

For a while, he didn't say a word. That got my heart to race again. 

"Remus," he said with great difficulty, "Ishm- Mr. Stafford-" 

I didn't hear what he said after that. I just knew. My eyes began to fill with unshed tears. I felt Dumbledore's embrace when he pulled me closer to him, but I must have been in shock, because all I remember was one sound that rang out in my ears and no more. 

**Severus Snape:**

I was walking. No, I was running. It was so dark, yet so red, I couldn't breathe. I saw the flashes of masked figures. They were chasing, yelling at me. I didn't understand what they wanted, but I wasn't going to find out if I could help it. I was running as fast as I could. I felt tired yet strong. I looked down, and I was holding something. I opened my hand to find a small white flower. So small, so pretty. I realized this was what those figures wanted, they wanted to take this away from me. I shield the flower with my hand, and I speed away. I saw the light coming from the distance, then suddenly I woke with a start. 

But I regretted it soon. My legs and arms hurt like hell. I tried to go back to sleep, but that sound wasn't going away, in fact it was getting louder. And louder. I opened my eyes, and realized I was in the hospital wing. I thought it was funny, because I didn't remember coming here. When I turned my face, I found out where this sound was coming from. 

My eyes focused to find Lupin sobbing hysterically against Dumbledore's frantic embrace, and Pomfrey was trying to find his vein to stick a needle into. Lupin's whole aura was silver, radiating from his body as if he was on some kind of ice fire. My eyes widened, and my mouth drop opened. 

I was taken back, when I noticed something else. All the windows of the hospital wing were smashed. I instantly knew it had happened only few moments ago, because all the shattered glasses were still on the floor. I knew Pomfrey would never leave sharp glasses around the floors, if they had happened last night. It must have been the sound of shuttering of glasses that woke me up. 

"Poppy!" Dumbledore said, just before Pomfrey stepped back. 

"_Somniamus_!" he cast a spell on the boy, and instantly Lupin fell silent and limp, the silvery aura fading away from him. 

"Are you all right, Poppy?" 

"Yes," said Pomfrey with a face of shock and concern, "Yes, I am fine. What happened, Albus? Was that what I think it was?" she asked, and I eagerly listened. 

"I've told him," Dumbledore said heavily, then he flicked his eyes at me, "I think you should check the others. I see that Severus has awaken." 

Pomfrey looked she wanted to ask more, but she held her tongue. I supposed Dumbledore didn't want me to hear. 

Pomfrey tended me with more potions, and filled me in about the other students and the situation. I was to remain in Hogwarts until first, I was well, or second, when my parents came to get me. 

I told her flat out that, I would stay here over the break. I knew my parents would be away again. I had already gotten the letter from them few days before the Yule Ball. And I had a strong suspicion that they were in deep with you-know-who, as most of my peer's families were. 'This summer, we will bring you with us to meet someone important,' my father wrote. I can guess what that someone would be even if I had a brain damage, it would be Voldemort. 

Then Pomfrey told me something startled me yet again. She said I had carried Lupin through now totally destroyed hallway. She said it was as if someone was watching out for us. She said the classes along the hallways were engulfed in flames. If we didn't die from the falling debris or the intense fire, we should have been dead from all the toxic smoke we swallowed. But here we are, still alive. 

I turned to look at sleeping form of Lupin. Even without Pomfrey or Dumbledore explaining it, I knew it was Lupin who had shattered all the windows. The silver aura around him explained it all, as my mind cleared. 

Every person has an aura to them, doesn't matter if you are a muggle or a wizard, but you see, the only strongest wizards and witches have physical aura that others can see. Look at the powerful wizards like Merlin, Jesus or Buddha, they have them. Even muggles noticed them and drew countless pictures of them with white rings around their bodies. 

I knew Lupin was underestimated wizard, everyone thinks Lupin's weak and sickly, which they assumed meant he was not much of a wizard, but I knew underneath all that, there laid a strong wizard, even stronger than anyone I knew, I just didn't know how strong he truly was. I bet he didn't even know his own potential. I supposed that hidden quality was what drew me to him in the first place. 

Lupin had the power, and something had awakened it just for a moment. He would need someone to help him unleash his potential. I was more certain that someone would be me. 

As Christmas approached, two other boys left as soon as their injuries were healed by Pomfrey. I was not allowed to go back to my dorm, since it was so closed off for the restoration of Hogwarts. Which meant, I was to stay in the hospital wing. All of my stuffs were magically brought down, and I didn't feel I needed anything else. 

For first few days, Lupin slept most of the day. When he was awake, all he did was stare at the ceiling, as if he was counting all the patterns. But I knew he wasn't really seeing them. Pomfrey told me he had lost someone, and only learned of the news. It was shame really. So many people were dying, and it was all for nothing. 

I was soon bored of Lupin's supine state, and I began to venture out, exploring the aftermath. It was very unnerving to walk around the ruined Hogwarts. There was practically no one here. Most of professors were busy restoring and protecting the school, that they didn't care whether I was there or not. Every evening, I would come back to Infirmary to have a quiet dinner, most of the time alone. Pomfrey was mostly helping the rest of the staff in casting spells and enchantments around the school, making sure it was strong enough to protect the students, if there should be another attack. 

It was Christmas Eve, when finally Lupin remerged from wherever he was since that morning. 

He said so quietly, he had to repeat it in order for me to hear him right, "Thank you, Severus." 

"For what?" I asked curiously. 

"For hauling me here," he paused, then that mischievous look I knew so well from loads of pranks cheeped back into his eyes for a moment, "I was yelling right next to your ear, but you ran like you were high from chocolate frogs." 

I crinkled my nose, trying to remember, "Was that why my ears hurt so much, when I woke?" I said. 

Suddenly, the light in his eyes disappeared. He looked away from me. Maybe I sounded harsher than I intended to be. I had a habit of scaring others without meaning to do so. Suddenly embarrassed that I had hurt him, I quickly said, "I'm sorry." 

"For what? You didn't do anything," he said softly. 

He was right of course, I quickly added, "I am sorry about your loss," I stared at his eyes, that pretty golden eyes, "I heard. And I am sorry." 

"Yeah," he said finally, "I am sorry too." We were silent; the candle lights dancing against unknown breeze up above us, making our shadows dance as well. I stared at the shadowy figures. My thoughts went back to the Yule Ball, when I was dancing so close to him. My heart was racing so hard I thought it would burst out. I was even telling him about how ridiculous this whole thing was, and he laughed. I made him laugh that night. Then my eyes had met Black. He was giving me his death stares. Little Possessive? Jealous? My mind laughed satisfyingly at him. 

"He was very old," Remus suddenly spoke, breaking our trance. "But he was never a cranky old man as most people thought he was." 

"Who was he? Your grandfather?" I asked timidly. I didn't know anything about Lupin's family. 

He shook his head lightly then smiled sadly, "He was my guardian. Stafford was his name. But, I guess, in some sense, he was my grandfather." 

"Why is he-" 

"My parents," he intercepted, "they are busy with their works far from here, and Mr. Stafford was…an old relative, and his place is a lot closer to Hogwarts." 

I snorted bitterly, "My parents are busy too," I glanced at Lupin's for his reaction, and his interested eyes encouraged me to open up. "They are always away. Last summer, I hardly saw any of them. Not that I missed them or anything. This time it's Russia. As you can guess, that's why I am still here." I smiled, "No, Lupin. I am not here to study ahead of DADA. Your lead is safe, for now." 

I was rewarded with his tiny smile, "Really? I thought I was seeing things, when I saw you without books." 

"Hey, don't believe everything I say," with that I whipped out a book from my trunk and showed him the title, _DADA: What You Need to Know to Succeed_. "You are too gullible, Lupin. I might be toying with you to slack off, while I study ahead in secret." 

He laughed, not a shy and guarded laugh, but carefree laugh of a teenager, a friendly laugh. "I guess I better watch out." 

That night, we talked of our family to house elves, from favorite food to our least favorites, from potions to Quidditch, from our plans for the future to the war with you-know-who. We were open, not hiding anything about our true feelings on each subject. We felt normal. 

When I woke on Christmas morning, I found Lupin curled up in feral position on the floor. His face had a trace of tears, and my heart wrenched at the sight. He was holding something against his chest, and I had to pry it out of him before he broke it. It was a crumpled package. I called out his name, shaking him slightly, fully knowing he won't hear me. He was in exhausted sleep, mumbling incoherently. I sighed and picked up the package. It was just regular gift, but upon my closer inspection I found the name "Stafford". When I gently pried it open, it revealed an old wand. Nothing special looking, mind you. Just a worn down wand that might been used long time ago.

I slid my arms around the boy, and lifted him up to his bed. The morning floor can be quite cold. As soon as I put him in bed, he curled toward my body, seeking heat. I stood over him, frozen. I looked around in habit, and I got into bed next to him, holding him warm, wiping away his tears. His skin was so pale, yet I never touched anything so delicate and smooth, it was like touching the finest Chinese silk. I caressed his golden brown hair, then trailed his eye brows, then his fine nose. His lips. Those lips were so full and so pink. It was the only feature of Lupin that I wanted to have. His lips. I wanted to kiss them for so long. 

Lupin had changed, for the better. He had grown up to be beautiful young man. His muscles had nice tones to them, and his face became more boyish from girlish features. He had lost his baby fat around his cheek, and they were more defined. His eyes were complimented by his strong golden eyebrows and long lashes. He had lost his uncontrollable red blushes, which was a shame, because it made him looked very endearing. 

I wasn't the only one who noticed the handsome face. Although Lupin tried to be inconspicuous, that made him stand out more. Beside he was one of the Golden Gryffindors. Potter and Black were the envies of many, due to their Quidditch skills and foolish and daring pranks. Many even envied Pettigrew, whom younger years found cute blonde. Many thought I hated Potter, but I don't hate him nearly as I hate Black. 

If Potter was god in Quidditch, then Black was the god among people. He was Apollo with his mighty strength and irresistible smile. People ached to hold his attention, they wanted to receive his flash of light, the flash of warmth. He could have anyone he wanted with his charm. With the rate girls fell in and out of him, it was rumored that he was quite a lover. 

And now, he wanted Lupin. He could have anyone, but he wanted what I wanted. It was always a competition. Whenever I was tutoring Lupin in the library, I felt his eyes on me. Spying me, warning me, challenging me. It was a game, you see. Who will win Lupin. And when he suddenly felt I was stepping over the line, he would rush in and collect Lupin with silly excuses, like he needed Lupin to find his homework. Then he would flash his triumphant smiles at me and walked away, possessive hand over Lupin's shoulder. 

I made a promise to myself, that I would never let Black ruin this pure innocence. That I would never let Black taint him with his filthy paws. I wouldn't go without a fight. I stared at Lupin's lips. His soft lips, and I leaned in. I captured his honey sweet lips and kissed him. 

I could feel myself getting hard.

**Lily Evans:**

It was not very surprising to find many 6th and 7th years had left to join the aurors, to fight the death eaters, after the holiday break was over. And some of younger students never returned here, which made Hogwarts seemed empty for the returning students. The school looked remarkably the same, before the attack. Everything was restored back to its original form, and I couldn't tell if we had only dreamed of that horrible night. 

I've received a letter from Remus after Christmas, and that's how I learned of Mr. Stafford's death. When I came back, all of us gave him long and hard hugs, trying to tell him that he wasn't alone, that we were there for him. 

Then Remus told us, Dumbledore became his guardian, and that he would be staying here during summer, helping out. We wondered what he had been doing over the break, but he never offered, and we didn't ask. He was quiet. I mean all of us were quiet and depressed, but I think Remus was more so. His last two transformations were horrible, he had came back exhausted and didn't go to class for three days. 

I was worried, Remus was never the strongest of us, and I worried that the lost of Mr. Stafford could easily kill him in spirit. Sirius stayed with him as if he was Remus's shadow. He even skipped his Quidditch practices. James didn't object, of course. None of them really wanted to play the game during the time of darkness. It was only a game after all. So many of us were dying and killing. It seemed our happy days were out numbered by the dark ones. 

One should never give up hope if one wants to win. But it was hard to keep on hopes when we knew full well that we could die any time. Only thing that drove us to go on every day was hope, and our hopes were shaking thin in front of us. How could we go on with hope? I asked desperately, after I received news that Sirius's parents were killed from the recent attack. 

Then the answer came one night, when I saw Sirius gently putting his hand on the leaner boy, and Remus smiled up at him. And they shared a kiss. And I knew it then, that we could win this thing. The answer was love. The hate can never win over love. It would be our love that will help us survive anything and everything.

tbc...


	9. THE BLOODY GAME

Chapter 9: The Bloody Game 

**Year 1976**

**Sirius Black:**

Snape was staring at us again. No, correction, he was staring at Remus. Again. He wasn't looking at him in a sick way like he used to, but in some kind of trance. Like, as if he was studying his subject, as if Remus was his subject to be studied. My Remus. He was mine, not yours, Snape. 

Of course, I talked to Remus about it. But Remus, like how he always does, shook it off as me being paranoid. "Stop making Severus as if he's crazy lunatic, Sirius," he told me, "he's not like that." He sighed, "Come on, let's go see Hagrid. He told me he found something interesting." 

"It better not be some vicious Capri. I hate those things," I grumbled and left the subject at that, but I knew it then. Remus never called Snape by his name since the second grade. I knew something was up. Something secret. It hurted and angered me that Remus would hide things from me. I hate secrets. He wouldn't tell me what had happened to him and Snape. Of course, I never asked him directly, but he never offered, either. Besides whenever I was alone with him, we ended up snogging each other, and I simply forgot to ask him. 

But Snape wouldn't let me forget it. His smirk and knowing eyes followed me, taunting me to find out. And one evening, I had cornered Snape, who eyed me with contempt. 

"What do you want, Black?" he said, his face half hidden from shadows of the dungeon. 

"I want to know what happened-" I stepped closer to him, meeting eye to eye. I was tall, but Snape had grown too, he was as tall as me now, "that night. Tell me." I demanded. 

Snape emerged from the shadow, his ugly face mocking me, "Why, you don't know. How interesting. Your boyfriend didn't tell you, did he?" 

I grab his collar with my hands, pushing him against the stone wall, "Don't toy with me, Snape." 

He didn't look a bit alarmed, "You want to know? Fine. I will tell you what happened," he shook me off in a fluid movement, stepping around me. 

"Did you see me with him, Black? That night. You were running away like the rest of them. You left your boyfriend behind, didn't you? Too afraid, too selfish to think about your precious boy then. You were only thinking about saving your own ass." 

I gripped my fists. He went on, "He did smelled so good in my arm. Yes, I carried him, you see. He was so light in my arms, he didn't feel like anything. I carried him to a remote place. He didn't object. In fact, he was eager in my arms." 

"Liar!" 

"Oh, but he did. He told me he wanted to kiss me, and I touched his lips, and I had tasted him in my mouth. He was with me, Black, that night. And we fucked like rabbits." 

"Shut your filthy mouth!" 

"Oh, his skin was so hot against my own. He trembled before me, begging me to do him. Did you two, oh wait, maybe it's too rude to ask." His dark eyes glinted, "But I will ask anyway. Have you two done it yet?" 

My fist went flying. Snape staggered away with a hand on his nose. I saw blood on my hand. Snape didn't tried to hit back, but he smirked triumphantly. 

"Oh my, I have touched a sensitive subject, haven't I?" He laughed with his bloodied nose. "You see, Black. Lupin loves me. He would never love you. I bet he shies away from your advances. He would never let you go further than kissing. He would push your dirty paws away from even touching his-" 

"Shut up! You cow dung!" I was on top of him, "You are a liar. You tell lies, so you can fantasize that they were true in your sick little mind. You wish you can have what I have, Snape." 

"And what exactly do _you_ have, Black?" he punched me, and I was on the ground. "You don't have him. You haven't done it yet. Soon, Lupin will realize what a disappointment you really are, and he will come back to me. I don't have to do a thing, because you will be doing all the work." He stared down at my face. "Remember, Black, he doesn't love you." 

"You think I am lying about shagging, Black? Lupin has a mark on his back. Left to be precise. I found it while I was inside him. If you want to know the shape, you would have to see it for yourself," He said, walking away. 

I lied there with my bloodied lips. Listening to my racing heartbeats, and thinning sound of Snape's footsteps. 

Snape was a liar. And I was going to prove him. I knew Remus had no mark on his back, because I saw him change in the room many times before. Remus would never love that slime ball. Would he? I went straight to the library, where I knew Remus was studying his Astrology charts with Peter.

**Peter Pettigrew:**

Remus looked up, staring at the door, and I too looked up from our charts, wondering what he had heard. Soon, we saw Sirius coming toward with bloodied lips. 

"What happened?" I said in alarm. But Sirius ignored the question and grab Remus's arm. "What on earth," Remus took his arm away playfully, thinking it was one of his prank. But Sirius grab it again, and not too gently, because Remus winced and pulled his arm away again. 

It had left angry red prints. 

"That hurt!" He protested, but Sirius now grab him by his waist, hauling him over his shoulder easily as carrying a bag. "Peter, excuse us." All the while, Remus protesting, "Sirius, put me down." 

"Sirius, what are you doing?" I ran after them, out of the library. "Hold on, Sirius!" 

Sirius slowly turned to face me, and his look chilled me to my bone. "This is between Remus and me." 

Normally, I would have scurried away, and leave them be, but somehow I said, "No, Sirius. I think not. Remus was helping me, and he doesn't want to go with you." 

It was deathly quiet, and I knew I stepped over the bound. I knew instantly I should have left. I closed my eyes, when Sirius came at me. 

But nothing happened. When I opened my eyes, Sirius was crouching over Remus. I saw his trembling legs, and I was there in an instant. 

Another attack. 

Sirius was shaking him, trying to wake him. Fool, I thought, how many times did I have to remind Sirius that shaking Remus would not wake him. It might hurt him. 

"Stop it, Sirius! You might hurt him!" I slapped away Sirius's burly hands, and I said, "just hold his head, so he wouldn't choke." 

With Sirius holding the head, I grab Remus's legs until they went steady and calm. It was always the beginning of narcoleptic attack you have to watch out for. Mostly, it was calm, dead drop, but the other times, it was as if he was having epilepsy. 

Slowly the trembling went away and Remus lied still. Sirius was cradling Remus head on his lap, smoothening away his sweaty hair. 

"I am sorry, Peter." He said, not looking up. I said nothing. I watched him carry Remus to our room, and I followed shortly, after gathering our stuffs from the library. I past by Lily and James in the corridor, and I waved in acknowledgment, but didn't tell them what had happened. I knew both of them would have Sirius's head later. He deserved it too, but I didn't want that happening tonight. 

I climbed the stairs and opened the door to our room. 

"God, Sirius. What the hell!" I dropped my bags. Sirius was on the floor, next to Remus's bed, holding his robe. "I thought he was lying." 

"Who? What are you talking about?" I said, looking at near naked Remus on the bed, and back to Sirius. "What the hell's gotten into you?" 

**Sirius Black:**

I watched meekly as Peter covered Remus and tucked him in. 

I didn't want to believe it. But there it was, just like Snape had said. A mark, a red mark. It looked as if it was a birthmark as if it was there since the beginning. I couldn't make out the shape. 

Suddenly, I grew angry. How did I not see that? Extremely angry. I knew I was being stupid, but I didn't care. How on earth did Snape see the mark? I've seen Remus change his cloths many many times, and I have never seen such a mark.

Then something clicked inside. 

_I don't have to do a thing, because you will be doing all the work._

"Bastard!" I yelled. How could I have been so stupid! He had played with my mind. I had hurt Remus. I had caused him to have an episode. Me. I did it.

And from that moment on, I wanted to kill Severus Snape.

**Peter Pettigrew:**

"Bastard!" I tried to hold back James, and he launched himself onto Sirius. James was yelling and punching and kicking his best friend as if they were mortal enemies. 

Sirius didn't fight back, he took the punches, but it made James angrier. 

"How could you? How could you do this?" James yelled at the wall that was Sirius Black. "Answer me, you-you traitor!" 

I shrank down to the floor, sniffling away my shock. We were near the hospital wing, waiting for Remus to wake up. Lily was beside me, holding me, letting them fight it out. She didn't flinch, when James made a bloody mess out of Sirius. We all knew, Sirius deserve worst than that. And we all knew we will forgive Sirius for his stupidity, but we will never forget how he had send a Slytherin to be murdered in hands of his lover, our friend, the werewolf. 

We were angry and terrified. Sirius, James and Snape were all with Dumbledore for long, long time. And one by one, they came out. First, it was Snape, who looked white as a sheet, and he passed by Lily and I without a glance. Then Sirius came out, he looked defeated, small. He walked toward us as if he wanted to apologize, but Lily turned her head away, and I just stared at him. He went away in silence. 

Then James came out. He looked he was in shock, he didn't talk either, but let Lily hold his hand. Three of us walked to the hospital wing, and the waiting game began. The sun came up awfully slow, filling the hallway orange. Then we saw Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore coming toward us with a stretcher. They went inside so quickly and quietly, it was as nothing had changed. But we saw the bloodied sheet that covered Remus from our view. We saw his light hair matted with blood peeking out. 

Lily sniffled softly into her hands, and that's when Sirius decided to show up. 

It took a few moments for Madam Pomfrey to come out and put a stop to their loud fighting. She took both of them into the room to treat them, but cast the silencing charm on both of them. Lily and I caught a glimpse of Dumbledore's shadow on the white curtain that hide the Remus's bed. We wanted to go in, but we knew it wasn't allowed. 

We waited. 

Sirius came out and disappeared. James came out and shared, what he saw, in his silence. 

It was all a game. We thought we were invincible. Always playing games. Always mocking danger to get us, when we roamed around the ground, around the Hogsmead, deep inside the forbidden forest with a deathly werewolf. 

Waiting was a game. Pranks were games. 

This time Sirius went too far. 

We all lost. And it was Remus, who paid the price. 

**Remus Lupin:**

_There was a sound._

I heard it. 

_Who was it? What happened?_

I don't know. 

_Well, you better find out._

I saw something. 

_What?_

I saw a lady. 

_Forget about her, tell me about the sound_. 

She was beautiful. She called for Jeremiah. 

_Tell me about the sound._

She said he needed to come to her. 

_Shut up about her. Tell me about the sound._

What sound? 

_That sound._

The wolf whirled around, and directly faced the trembling form. A human! The wolf growled and jump out of the warmth of his make shift lair. 

I want him. 

But there was pain. The wolf yelped, and suddenly as it came, the door closed. The wolf licked the wound on his belly. But tasting the blood made him angry. And he began to bite and tear his own body. 

_Stop that._

Who are you? 

The wolf howled. And he waited, and there was a distinct howl back. 

_I am who I am._

The wolf cocked his head sideway, pondering. 

What does that mean? 

_Come with me, I will show you._

The wolf, that was Remus, howled back. 

All right, but I can't get out. I don't know how. With that the wolf that was Remus began to pace around the room, his blood dripping from the wound. 

How can I get out? I want to be free.

_Wait, and I will show you._

What will you show me then? 

_I will show you what you are._

I opened my eyes slowly, and blinked, wondering where I was. Something happened last night, and I wasn't sure exactly what. 

"Shit," I moaned, when the pain hit me in a wave, slamming me again and again. "Shit, shit, shit." 

I gritted my teeth, and raised my head to see what kind of damage I had done to myself. Last night, the Marauding was cancled due to detentions and projects. I was alone, the wolf was alone too. 

But no, he wasn't. 

I tasted blood in my mouth, and I spitted it out, staining the white sheet that covered me. Then suddenly, I tore my body from the bed, ripping the curtains in the process, startling Madame Pomfrey. 

"Remus!" 

I looked around me wildly, for any other patient. There was no one there. 

"Remus, you mustn't-" 

"Madame!" I panted from the pain in my heart, "Stay away." I put my hand in front of me, blocking Madame Pomfrey from coming toward me any further. I spitted out another round of blood. It was so dark red, it looked almost black.

_I will show you what you are._

My legs wouldn't support me any more, and I collapsed. "Don't," I almost growled at Madame Pomfrey, my voice trembled with abnormal bass resonance. She stopped her advance. She looked scared, and she should be. I was scared myself. 

I heaved my body away from her. My black blood smearing the floor, making patterns that might have been something. I clutched the torn curtain like a baby in my arm. Watching my blood stains running down, seeping into my hands. There was blood on my hands. They looked so pretty, pretty in red. 

"My god," I said, looking up from my hands to frozen form of Madame Pomfrey, "What have I done?" She didn't answer me, and I yelled at her, "WHAT HAVE I DONE!" 

A bottle next to me shattered, startling Pomfrey and I. I looked away from the mess I just made. 

"Remus," she said, "don't move. I will get help." She left. 

I held the soiled curtain tightly in my arms, trying to stop me from trembling. 

"What have I done?" I asked softly to no one. But there was no reply this time, only another round of blood seeping from my mouth. They dripped and stained me. And I didn't move.

tbc


	10. THE PROMISES BROKEN AND MADE

**Chapter 10: The Promises Broken and Made**

**Year 1976**

**James Potter:**

I was nodding my head in light slumber, when the hospital door flew open, and a white blur past by, quickly disappearing through the only fireplace next to the corridor. I looked at my left to see Peter's confused face. I turned to look at Lily on my right, but she was already at the door, turning the handle. 

"Lily, don't-" I said to stop her from going in, but one look on her determine face shut me up, and I, too, got up from the chair and went after her, followed closely by Peter. 

I heard the gasp from Lily, before Peter and I crashed into her steep back, almost stumbling to the ground. I looked over her head to see what she was seeing, and I heard Peter's legs giving out on him beside me. I stood there transfixed as Lily ran toward the corner, where the blood trails lead. 

There, Remus sat perfectly still, his back supported by the wall, his head little bent, his legs sprawled out in uncomfortable position, clutching a dark sheet around his chest. His white hospital pajama was soaked in what appeared to be his blood. There was a trail of tiny dark blood seeping from his bloodied lips, which dripped endlessly in perfect rhythm on to his stilled chest. 

I heard Peter moaning behind me, and I heard Lily's frantic footsteps in that split of a second, but all I could say was nothing. 

I was frozen. 

"Don't-" His plead made Lily stop for a moment, but she advanced one more step. 

"Don't come near me," Remus slid farther away despite the pain, his bloody sheet trailing. 

Lily looked as if she was about to cry, but she didn't move. I watched her trembling back, then my eyes found Remus's. He watched me, his golden eyes penetrating my own. "What have I done?" The accusation in that soft question from Remus went through my heart. 

How could I tell him? How could I tell him and make him believe none of it was his fault. 

My mouth opened and shut. Unable to form a word. The right word. Truth will hurt him more than lies. But how could I tell him lies? 

"I-I-I Remus, I-" I gasped for the right words to say. I was already choking in grief of what Remus would feel when he learns of the truth. 

"Last night, something happened." It was Peter, who seemed the bravest of us all. He calmly sat on the floor where he had fallen, and talked slowly to Remus as if he was discussing a new star he had found. "Someone went inside the Shrieking Shack. He learned how to freeze the willow and where the tunnel led. He wanted to find where you were going. He saw you go with Pomfrey, and… But James pulled him out before anything happened. You _didn't_ bite anyone." 

Remus's eyes found my bandaged hand quickly and then back to my face. I tried to smile, but failed miserably as my eyes started to sting with unshed tears. I watched his blood drip, too horrified to move, too scared to help, too transfixed to look away. 

Peter continued calmly, "It wasn't your fault, Remus. You didn't do anything to hurt him. You didn't bite him." He reminded Remus again, trying to make him understand. 

More blood dripped from his mouth as he asked softly, "Where's Sirius?" He winced slight, showing his blood stained front teeth. 

My stomach tightened, as the silence lingered. Our eyes shifting, unable to look at his penetrating, accusing, fragile and truthful eyes. 

A silence could speak so much louder than the word. 

He asked, his voice trembling slightly, ever so slightly, the one last question, "Who was _he_?" His voice almost lost in our tension. 

After what seemed like an eternity, "Snape." Peter said almost painfully, turning his face away to look out through the window. 

And it seemed that was all Remus needed to confirm what he had feared the most. One of us had betrayed him. One of his friends. One of the family, the pack. The one that had mattered to him more so than rest of us combined. 

It seemed as if the time stopped when that name left Peter's tongue, and everything was still, fixed, in branded. 

I didn't realize we were being ushered out by Madam Pomfrey, my eyes were too transfixed on Remus…and his blood. We stood there in front of the entrance as Pomfrey closed the door hastily behind her, locking it firmly. And for the third time I saw Dumbledore's strained face. 

**Remus Lupin:**

_Come to me, love._

I can't. 

_You can do it._

It's too hard. 

_Come on, love. Give me your hand._

I tried, and tried. I can't do it any more. 

_Open your eyes._

My eyes _are_ open. 

_No, I mean, open your eyes. _

I don't understand. 

_Don't let your eyes fool you._

What do you mean- 

_Don't believe their lies. They lie…_

Who? What lies? What do you- 

_Truth will set you free. Then you will come to me._

Why? 

_Because I know you will find me._

When? 

_Soon._

I slowly blinked up at the blurred figures in front of me, wondering if I had a dream or it was my wolf memory from last night. Their colors started to merge together and slowly formed a figure of Professor Dumbledore. The blinding white blur was the reflection of sun from his moon shaped spectacles. As the blur faded away, I stared at his kind blue eyes. They seemed hooded, worried, pained and terribly sad. I suddenly felt embarrassed, I had let him down, I had done something horribly wrong. I could feel my cheek burning up. 

_I will show you what you are._

Professor Dumbledore was saying something. But I couldn't hear him. I saw his eyes, and I tried to tell him I was sorry. 

I tried to move my hand toward him, trying to comfort him, that I understand, that I was all right, that he didn't need to worry about me being a problem, that I will pack my bags, and leave Hogwarts forever. 

But my hand refused to move. My bloodied hand. 

**Albus Dumbledore:**

Poor boy's face was burning up with fever. In his feverish face, I saw my nightly nightmare. In his blind, searching eyes, I saw her eyes. In Remus's blood, I saw _her_ hands instead, reaching out to me. 

It was uncanny, how he looked so much like her physically. Even the way his hands are shaped, long and lean. Her mother used to tell me she had the hands of pianist, once a upon a time ago… 

This was how she must have looked. She was reaching out for my hand, and I couldn't reach out to her in time. 

I firmly gripped Remus's cold hand, not caring if his caked blood was rubbing into my hands. I just wanted to keep him safe and sound. I wished I could turn back the time and change everything. 

It will be too much for him to handle. Wait a year, then I will tell him. 

***He might never understand*** The nasty little fear whispered. 

He will. I know it. I told the fear. Taming it to silence. 

He's too young, and it's too soon. When he's ready, I shall tell him. 

***He will hate you forever for it*** The fear whispered. 

He has to understand. He just has to.

**Remus Lupin:**

Professor Dumbledore's face started to blur once again. And when they became clear, I saw Mr. Stafford's sad, old face. He didn't say anything, but his face was. I tried to reach out to him, trying to tell him, trying desperately to make him understand that I was sorry. And when he turned his back on me, and started to fade away, I tried to call after him, but my mouth failed to form any word. I stared at his hunched shoulder, and I felt my hot tears against my cheeks. 

"Do not show them your weakness," he had told me, when he found me crying after my first outing to Diagon Alley had turned nasty, the grown men had frown upon me and the children threw sticks, and it was only the first month I came under his care. After that, I didn't go out much. And Mr. Stafford and I were content to live apart from the other wizards. 

He had also told me no more tears. On King's Cross, I gave him my word. 

I had given him my word. And I couldn't even keep one damn promise. 

"Man's word is like his life, Remus. You must never break your word, unless you are prepare to give your life," Mr. Stafford had said. 

"But what if I didn't have a choice?" I had asked. 

"Everyone has a choice." 

"But what if I can't keep my word?" My young voice echoing in my head. 

"Then you will never be a man." His gentle yet harsh word of wisdom was profound on my young mind then, but now I know better. 

Didn't he know that I was never a man and never will be? 

**James Potter:**

I look back now and I realized it was the end of the Marauders, the end of our last bit of carefree childhood that we had cherished against the raging horror of outside world, the real world. All of us, including Snape, had lost a part of our innocence that day, and we would never, ever get that back. 

It is funny to think that Snape was more loyal to his promise than Sirius. For he never uttered another word about that night. He stayed back, in the shadow of his fellow Slytherin, hidden from the view. Sometimes I felt his eyes staring at us, and I lowered my eyes in respect, hoping he would forgive us and never betray our secret, hoping everything that had happened was not in vain, not just a cruel game that a lady of fate had played on us. 

Sirius never went close to the infirmary, although I had seen him wondering around. He was in his own hell, and I supposed that made me hard to hate him or be angry at him, for seeing him so utterly destroyed, so lost, he was being punished enough. He stopped coming to the Quidditch practice, and eventually, we had to replace him with a third year. He walked around aimlessly alone in his misery, his eyes unseeing what is in front of him, and not even caring about it. I had heard his cries in the dead of the night. I had heard his pleads in his sleep. I had been there for him, and he for me for all my years I had known him. 

I forgave him. I had to. Peter followed. Then Lily. 

**Remus Lupin:**

It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. 

I nodded, of course. Yes, sir, I understand. No, sir, I won't need anything. Yes, sir, it's not my fault. Yes. No. Yes. No. 

I wiped my eyes for the last time, and looked up at the man I had disappointed. His worried eyes looking at me for any sign of breaking. No, Professor Dumbledore, I won't break, I promise. I was already broken, how can I break even more? 

I looked back at him with brave face I had perfected as my years as a werewolf, and said, "Professor, I understand." 

His blue eyes still searching, still trying to find out what I was thinking, "Do come for me, if you-" 

"Yes, of course." I cut him off. I didn't want his suffocating concern. I didn't want him to worry about me, feel burdened by me. I opened the door, and looked back at him. 

"I-I," I searched for words to say, to finish this, "Thank you, sir." His eyes softened and he nodded. 

"Hello, Fawke," I greeted the beautiful Pheonix, as he eyed me in silence, obviously too wary of me. I had greeted the Phoenix many times through the years, but he had never uttered a sound. Just his eyes looking at me, readying to flee if I were to attack him. 

"Good bye, then." Feeling more miserable, I climbed out of the portrait hole, and padded slowly down the dark corridor. It was dark out, no sunlight coming through the windows. I briefly wondered why, but the distant growling of thunders hinted me in. 

It was raining. 

The grounds looked gray and colorless against the dark sky. I watched the rain for a minute and remembered I should probably get going. 

"_Lumos_." A shiny blue ball appeared in my open hands and I held it gently to show me the way. It was only handful of magic I could do without my wand, and I was relieved to receive a comfort from the color that glowed in front of me. 

_Do you know, Moony, what my favorite colour is? _

_No, Padfoot. What is it? _

_Blue. The colour of my eyes. _

_Okay. _

_Aren't you going to tell me? _

_Tell you what? _

_How much you like, no, love my eyes. _

_You are such a narcissist. _

_Oh, yeah? Well, you are a bloody werewolf!_

"You are a bloody werewolf." A shadow said, breaking my memory. 

"Severus." My breath was caught in my throat. I dropped my hands, the blue ball disappearing into thin air. The darkness surrounded us. I closed my eyes, afraid that he might see my eyes glowing in the dark, afraid I might scare him even more. 

Then I remembered, the dark clouds. There was no moonlight to light up my eyes this time. I slowly opened my eyes, and noticed Snape's dark face staring down at me. I stared at his dark eyes staring at me staring at him staring at me staring at him. Staring at me, staring at myself, staring at my beast. 

"Snap out of it, Lupin." I blinked, noticing I was on the floor, looking up at him on top of me. My face felt the sting of fresh slap. I didn't dare touch my face. I felt his heavy weight on my stomach, and his legs pressing down on my hands. 

"Don't feel so alarmed," he moved closer to my ear, his eyes staring at my own, "that I am still talking to you. Don't be so disappointed…" His breath was heavy and warm, "that I didn't seem to be afraid of you." His warm tongue flicked out and licked my earlobe. 

"You didn't honestly think I was _that_ stupid, do you?" His surprisingly warm right hand pushed my left face, bringing my ear closer to his mouth. "I knew about your little secret, long ago, Lupin. I just didn't know how to see you. That treacherous little tree almost knocked me out the first time I tried. But how fortunate that your little boyfriend came along and told me the easy way to get in." 

I cringed under his touch, under his heavy breath. 

"Don't you dare think I was out numbered by Black and your little secret. Don't you dare think you could have killed me. I already knew you were a werewolf, and I already knew how to protect myself. If it hasn't for that Potter, that could have been out little secret." 

"Severus, I am-" 

"Shut up! Don't you dare say you are sorry. I am not done talking! Remember this, Lupin, if you ever decide to fool me again, I will kill you. If you ever fuck with me again, I will make sure you wished you never lived at all. If you ever share this with anyone, I will fuck you up so bad, no one will be able to tell it's you at all." 

He raised himself up and looked down at me with angry eyes and hardened mouth. I thought he was leaving, but sudden swift of an air and a hard clasped on my mouth proved me wrong. 

He pushed his tongue inside roughly and desperately. He kissed my mouth as if he didn't have a choice. I felt the hardening poking at my stomach and I realized the reason why. The reason why he wanted to see me, when he clearly knew I was a werewolf. He was mad. Mad at himself, for falling under the spell of a werewolf, and at me, for making him but never acknowledging him. And he was mad at how he was straddling me and kissing me against the cold cobble stoned floor like some kind of a gutter snake. He was a proud one, and how could he be reduced to such low being, controlled by a dark beast, who never knew he existed except in the potions class. 

"Remember this, Lupin, and stay away from me. If you ever tell of any of this, remember that I will, too." With that his warm body was gone, and I was left cold and alone. 

_I will show you what you are._

I am a monster. I am a beast. I am not a man.

From the distant, deep inside the dark forest, I heard the howls of werewolves, calling me home.

tbc


	11. THE PROMISES KEPT AND MADE

**Chapter 11: The Promises Kept and Made**

**Year 1976**

**Madame Pomfrey:**

I had heard of a distant rumor. One might consider it a fairy tale or a silly legend from the Lost Ages, long before even Merlin was born, but some things had turned out to be the truth or the prophecy many times before. Some things that turned our world inside out. 

The Lost Ages were mostly believed as another world all together. Some say that the magical creatures ruled the world, and even the non-magical animals had the intelligence to talk or communicate with the humans. The other say even all humans were magical, but something happened that separated few to be muggles, then they multiplied and the wizards diminished… 

The coming of Jesus Christ was prophesized from the Lost Ages. The coming of Black Death, even Hitler too. And even some wizards argued that the coming of Lord Voldemort was already written long before. We just didn't look at the words hard enough to prevent it… 

Then there's the rumor, one that prophesized the coming of the young warrior, who will save us all from the Dark wizard, but in doing so, his parents would ultimately pay the price. 

How terrible for a young one, to save us all, but to lose his parents… it's a crummy deal, if there was ever one.

**Lord Voldemort:**

"You have failed me for the last time, Kurtz." 

"My lord, please. Give me another chance. I promise I will-" My stupid servant babbled on, trying to bid his worthless time. He had failed me yet again, and now tried to flee from me. 

"You give your promises easily as you fuck your boy toys. Didn't you know that a man who can't keep a promise is not worth anything?" My patient had finally run out. 

I turned to face my other servants, eager to take over Kurtz's position. "Kill him," I said slowly, almost bored by his terrified feature. 

"Please, sir," Kurtz pleaded as he was led away. "You have to listen to-" 

"And shut his filthy mouth from making any more squeaks," I added. "Remember to give him a long slow death, Malfoy."

I had trusted the stupid minion far too long to do a simple job. Make it quick and silent, I had told him and the others. But what did these minions do!? They almost burned down the whole fucking school and the students with it. And now Dumbledore has put on stronger protection, making my job harder than before. Only one job they managed to do properly was leaving behind the body of Edgar DuMaurie for Dumbledore to find and their calling card, the death mark. So now, the old fool knows who I am. He had stood in my way in the past and now he has gotten what I want the most. He will have a day with me, and I will spit in his noble façade of lies, and laugh at his fallen demise. I shall turn the only tie he has to his greatest failure and lies into the greatest heartache and sorrow of all. And when that day comes, everyone will see whom Dumbledore really is. A fraud. A murderer. A heartless killer. 

And they will hail me as the savior, the hero, the leader of them all.

**Severus Snape:**

I banged my fist against the wall in frustration and in anger. I had lost my control in mere sight of him, in mere close distance. I should hate the beast, the monster, but my body had another idea. I was so fucking hard, I couldn't even walk without thinking about him. 

Remus J. Lupin was a werewolf, who almost killed me. He was nothing but a dark creature. Nothing but an…irresistible being. I banged my fist again, and even kicked my foot against the thin air. 

Oh Merlin, I hate him for making me feel this way. I wanted to rip out his heart and stump on it for a good measure. Then he would know the fraction of how I had felt. I touched my lips, remembering his soft mouth felt against my wondering tongue and what it felt like lying so close on top of his trembling form. 

Damn that wolf! He made me want him. He must have used a dark magic to make me this way. I cursed his name, his friends, and even his parents. 

I went inside the empty Prefects' bathroom, and relieved myself of my robe, which stink of his smell. I turned on the cold water, attempting to cool my hot body. It was almost summer, and I will leave Hogwarts soon, away from him, which was a relief. 

I closed my eyes and saw his handsome, innocent face and I relieved my aching member slowly again and again. 

**Remus Lupin:**

Walking back to my dorm was harder than I had anticipated. Severus had left me at least half an hour ago. My body was cold, so cold, still recovering from the terrible nightmare I had inflicted upon myself. I sighed, resting my head against the wall, trying desperately not to think of…anything. Nothing at all. 

I heard the gentle sound of rainfalls through the closed windows. Windows. They reminded me of the night Severus had run with me. Funny, I can't really remember much about the Ball. I had been so nervous, so afraid, yet happy. Professor Dumbledore was handing out red and green punch in cups. And I had danced with… 

Sirius. 

I shook my head to present, near June, summer night. I will not think of him, I had told myself forcefully… 

Sirius had cried himself to sleep in my bed, after he learned of his parent's death. I had no words to calm him but only of my mere presence. He had hugged me as if I was his childhood stuffed toy, and slept. He slept for days. Then one day, he was all better. He had that determined look on his eyes, a look that told me he was no longer a boy, but a man. A look that scared me a little, because I knew that look well. 

I had seen that look in my own eyes, few minutes after I transformed back. I had the look of the beast. It was the look of revenge. For the things I don't really fathom ever since I could remember, but the beast wanted revenge. If he didn't get it, he took it out on me, my human side. 

And perhaps, Sirius took it out on me…my wolf side, the dark side… 

I opened my eyes to stare at the dark sky, where the rain came from. I wasn't even aware that I had come outside into the open down pour of cold water. The summer rain shouldn't be so cold. 

Does it rain where they live? 

A question roused deep inside my brain suddenly. Then another thought quickly displaced the question. 

Don't you dare hope, Lupin. Don't you dare dwell on the past and what ifs. 

I felt the heat on my face, and I tried to cool it down with my cold hands. "The fever," Madame Pomfrey told me, "the fever might return, love, and when they do, you must come to me immediately." 

_Come to me, love._

My breath was caught in my throat as the howl resonated through out the forest. I looked around and found myself at the edge of the dark forest. I had walk without knowing, as if I was being pulled. 

_Come with me._

Another howl. Closer this time. 

I shivered, not of fear, but of cold, as the icy water seeped through my thin robe and ravaged me of any heat I had. 

_Come with me, now._

"Who are you?" I whispered hoarsely. I watched my breath leaving through the cold air. And I waited…for a reply. 

**Sirius Black:**

I was pacing to and fro in front of Fat Lady to the hallway leading to the Library. I found out from Peter that Remus might come back today, and I've been waiting for him for hours. I paced faster, trying to calm my nerve, going over what I will do, what I will say, when I see him. 

"Damn it!" I cursed under my breath, wiping away my perspirations for what seemed like a thousandth time. The air was scorching with late spring and early summer heat, and I was sweating like a dog. Only thing was I didn't have a tongue to cool myself down against the humid weather. 

"Shit!" I cursed again as the loud thunder cracked near the open window in the hallway, scaring me a little, and making me feel stupid for getting scared of a little thunderstorm. My palms were all wet and I wiped them against back of my robe. Huffing, I walked further and further away from my dorm. Still pacing to and fro a little. 

Last few weeks had been a hell for me. If I could take back what I did, I would. I, so, would give anything to take back what I had done to Remus. Even that bastard, Snape. But I would never regret getting rid of Snape from Remus. Now that he knows what Remus is, he showed his true color and stayed away from my love. That, I would never regret. Remus is safer now. 

I started to pace again, in agitated nervous sort of the way. It was getting late, and I wondered how long I had to pace, how long I had to wait until…I would see him. 

I saw him. It was unmistakable. Out there, in the open rain, a thin hunched figure was blindly running toward… 

Oh SHIT! 

…to the dark forest. In the split of a second, I froze, and the millions of thoughts ran through me like a runaway train. 

Where is he going? 

Then I heard the distinct howl that twisted my heart. Wolves. The forest isn't safe. Remus might be a werewolf, but he won't be a match to the pack of wolves in the forest.

I started to run, but keeping close to the window. I saw him stop near the edge of the forest, his back toward my view. He looked uncertain, and I ran faster. Going down the stairs, I prayed to Merlin, I would catch up to him. 

I collided with someone as I ran, but I didn't stop to see who it was, and I didn't even care anything but getting to Remus. I didn't know why I had felt so desperate, but it must have been a feeling of dread of something terrible that was about to happen. It was a fear that I would lose him forever somehow. 

I ran outside, against the warm, wet summer air, and ran toward where I had last seen Remus.

**Efrem Kurtz:**

"You don't understand! You must kill him!" I yelped as I was pushed down against the wet dirt, hands tied behind my back. 

"My Lord, please, you must listen to me!" I pleaded with the diminishing form of Lord Voldemort. "You must kill him before he ruins you! The prophesy-" There was a red spark, and I lost my voice. The death eaters surrounded me, hovering over my trembling form. 

The Prophesy! My mind yelled. The Prophesy was never wrong. Never once wrong! Ultimately he will fail and fail again. 

Unless he kills the young one before-

**Remus Lupin:**

My mouth fell open slightly as I clutched my robe tighter, at the sight of a silver wolf in front of me. It was a she wolf. But she wasn't any normal wolf, for she was bigger, a lot bigger. Even when she lied down on all four, the height of her head was taller than my own. 

I approached her further into the forest. It didn't feel strange that I wasn't afraid of her, for she was studying my form through her penetrating golden eyes that showed wisdom and intelligence beyond ages. 

I breathed out in gasps, feeling my head getting lighter. It was no doubt in my mind that she was a lunar lupine. 

A lunar lupine in the forbidden forest? I thought they were extinct long ago. Many believed they were just a legend, made up story. Who would have thought? 

My kneed buckled finally from my trembling state. I looked at her eyes, suddenly feeling emotional and choked up for unknown reason. I didn't know I was sobbing, until she gently licked my tears away. I buried my face in her soft silver furred belly, clutching the warmth and the comfort I had missed all my life. 

"It was you. You came for me," I told her, hugging her warm body. 

_I promised you I would._

"How did you know, I-" lifting my head to look at her turned face. 

_You are one of us, pup. We can always sense the one of our own..._

I watched her jaw muscle contracting. 

_…even if you are a human child. We do make an exception now and then._

She lied down once more on the ground, her silver hairs not tainted by wet mud. 

_Come on, love, we don't have much time._

I climbed onto her back and grab onto her neck. 

"Where are we going?" I asked near her right ear, suddenly afraid yet excited. 

_Home._

She looked back at me as she stood. 

_You are going home. With me, San._

**Sirius Black:**

"Shit!" I gasped out as I wiped the rain away from my eyes. It was pouring and I couldn't see a damn thing. My shoes were muddy and heavy, my robe soaking wet, dragging down. 

"Remus!" I yelled his name, but there was no answer. I doubt he could hear me with all the rain. I looked around to see if anyone was around, and I transformed into Paddy the Black Dog. I ran faster and with more accuracy now that I could sense Remus. 

He was deep inside the forest. I sniffed as I ran, and learned that he wasn't alone. I growled in determination. 

I am coming, Remus, wait for me. 

I barked, calling him. 

Remus! Where are you? Come back! 

I caught a scent of his smell, and I took off. Barking madly. Calling him back, toward me, toward safety. 

The forest was darker and colder as I ran farther and farther away from Hogwarts, but I didn't care. Only thing on Paddy's simple mind was Remus. He was going further away, every step I hesitated. 

**Remus Lupin:**

I let San's words sink in. And I buried my face on her back, letting her carry me off to her home, our home, my home. My heart never felt so lighter, and my heavy body never felt so warm and content since Mr. Stafford, it was as if I was meant to be with her since I was born. 

I closed my eyes, I didn't want to see the darkness of the forest. I was tired. As if I had come to the end of the long journey. I listened to her steady heartbeats under my body and her paws hitting the ground in uniform intervals. 

Then I heard something that made me open my eyes, breaking my blissful warmth into the chilly air. 

"San," I tugged her hair. "I heard something." 

_Don't worry about it. I will loose him soon enough._

"Him?" 

Then I heard his bark distinctly. Padfoot. He was calling me back. 

"San! I know him. San, he's coming for me," I told her looking backward, where Padfoot was, where Sirius was. 

_I know. I heard him running since we entered the forest of Esa._

The barking was fainter, but still there, drawing me back. The memory of his laughing face and gentle kisses came back. But the reminder of what he had done was evident in front my eyes, where my bandaged arms were clutching San's beautiful hair. 

I heard his howl, long one, calling me. 

"It's not safe for him alone, San." She didn't reply. 

"San, we have to go-" 

_Back?_

She halted abruptly. 

_Remus, you have a choice._

I straighten my back as I met her wise eyes. 

_You know what they are._

I nodded as the calls from Sirius came closer. 

I had a choice, just like Mr. Stafford told me long ago. I had a choice between San vs. Sirius; between families vs. friends; between acceptances vs. rejections; between easy vs. hard. 

I squeezed my eyes, about to tell her to go, but the howl of the dog made me open my eyes. 

Between promises made vs. broken. 

San was looking at me, waiting for my decision. 

Between promises made vs. kept. 

I had made a promise to Sirius, that restless night as he cried himself to sleep after his parent's death. I had made a promise to never to leave him. I promised him. 

I sighed, letting the air escape, feeling sadder. San blinked her eyes, understanding my decision. She lowered her legs, letting me down gently from her back. 

"I have a promise to keep, San. I am sorry-" 

_No_, she shook her head gently. _I knew this was to happen. She told me so, but I thought I could at least try…_

"What? Who do you mean, San?" I looked at her in question, but she smiled mysteriously and shook her head once again. 

_We will meet again, Remus._

She licked my hand gently and looked pass my head. 

_You won't see me for a long time… _

I let my hand drop in sadness. 

_…but you WILL see me again, Remus. I promise you that._

She sniffed her nose, looking passed me once more. 

_Be well, pup. Until we meet again…_

"Good bye…" I waved as I watched her silvery form disappear through the darkness. For a moment, I was completely alone and in the dark. I felt lost once again. I started to walk back to Hogwarts. 

I heard the paws coming closer and closer, until I saw the sweat or rain glistened black dog charging toward me. When he saw me, the dog stopped short, his dirty paws digging into muddy soils. 

Huffling his air, he transformed into Sirius Black. It had been more a month, since I saw him, and he looked the same, yet different, but still the same old Sirius. His impeccable appearance, nowhere to be found. 

"Sirius," my voice suddenly full of emotion. 

"Remus," he gasped, his eyes full of tears, "Remus." He trembled, yet keeping his eyes on my own. 

We stood there, staring into each other, under the falling rain, unable to form any words. We just breathed. We breathed the other, we breathed in the other's presence as if we were each other's air, water, and soul. No word was needed. 

When he kissed my lips, I felt truly at home at last.

As we were walking back so close together, after the rain had finally stopped, I heard San's howl from far away. 

_I never break my promise._

I smiled to myself, feeling Sirius's warm arms around my legs and back, as he carried me back. I laid my head on to his chest, feeling drained. Closing my eyes in exhaustion and in relief, I agreed with her. 

Neither did I, San. Neither do I.

**Sirius Black:**

My lung strained to drink in air as my eyes drank in his fair form. 

There he was. 

My eyes did not see how thin he looked, how his fair skin was so pallid, how his cracked lips looked so cold against the wet weather, how his golden hair lost its brilliance, how he was hunched over clutching his heart. My eyes passed over all his frailties, but saw his irresistible laughter in the wind, his Mona Lisa smile on his red, red, kiss swollen lips, and his hopeless believes of fairytale like valor and honor, and most importantly, his ideal of everlasting true love. 

Love. Yes. I love him. I love Remus J. Lupin. 

"Sirius," he spoke so softly to me, and I could feel my tears falling and falling. 

I love you, Remus. 

"Remus," I gasped out his name. His so beautiful name that rolled out of my tongue easily as one would breathe in its air. 

His golden eyes shining like the two warm lanterns, guiding my heart to my very soul mate. 

I don't think either of us knew how long we stood apart. But one thing I would remember for the rest of my life was how it felt to hold him so close to my heart again. 

There, under the shroud of raindrops, I kissed him. Softly at first, a little hesitant, but fierce longing and desire shook us both, as the rain fell relentlessly, we gave and received forgiveness. He cried out against my firmly clamped lips as he lost himself to me, loving me enough to let himself go. Letting his body to heat up with passion, he had never known he possessed. He was lost in the brief ecstasy that I was able to bring him with buckling of my hips and heated kisses on his skin. 

He gave himself to me, the traitor of his trust. 

Why? 

Because he loved me. 

And I cried as I lost myself in ecstasy with him, because I knew I did not deserve it. And I made another promise to myself that I would never hurt him again. A countless Black promises that would break Remus in the future. 

The rain had passed, when we woke from our lingering love ecstasy. As we walked, I felt his weak legs giving out before he, Remus even knew. And I, after brief protests from Remus, carried his rapidly cooling body closer to my heart, headed for Hogwarts. 

It must have been the dim lights, or my foolish overjoyed heart that overlooked it, for I had failed to see any change in Remus in the forest. My mind didn't question what had happened to him, or what it was that took him, because I was too dimwitted to think of anything dark or intelligent. My steps were springy and too happy to have him back in my heart, I overlooked his shivering breath and burning cheeks, not from passion or desire, but from the raging fever. 

But Madame Pomfrey was no fool. She had gasped, breaking her lantern to pieces under our feet, when she saw him in his state. I didn't hear Pomfrey's livid questions nor did I notice the passage of time. 

I had a strange dream that night. One with a woman floating, no spinning, on the air gently. She looked at me suddenly, as if I wasn't supposed to be there, watching her, and called out, "Jeremiah!" in such urgency; I woke up with a startle. 

Shaking my head, I looked around to find, Remus sleeping, tucked in firmly under the thick comforter, his hair peeking out. His hair. I looked again. I was so foolishly happy I didn't even notice the basic change. Just above his right ear, his golden brown hair was streaked with silver. 

I had a long talk with Pomfrey while he slept, and we both decided it would be best not to tell anyone about this. Not even, Remus, himself. No point in worrying him over a little patch of gray hair. 

His hair should have rang an alarm bell inside my ears about who he was with that night, but I simply chose to ignore anything abnormal believing it was the wolf in him that had caused this. I forgot about it as quickly as I could, for the sake of normalcy I wanted us to have. 

With a twist of a wand, his hair was as good as new. 

Just like our broken hearts. We were inseparable during the last days before the summer was upon us. He was back in his classes, making up missed work, and taking O.W.L. like the rest of 5th years. I had to think of his loving eyes to suppress my fists, as I watched Snape working so closely by Remus. My heart thump against my chest in fear and in anger, whenever Snape glinted his angry eyes on Remus, but for the most part, he stayed far from us as he could manage. 

Then the dreaded summer came. 

We had to be apart for two whole months, before we could love each other physically again. 

**Severus Snape:**

When the dark lord came during that hot summer, I eagerly accepted his hand and kissed it to seal my fate, for he had promised me the unimaginable power of dark arts, the world of change and most importantly, the downfall for the one who had betrayed my trust and favored a murderer and a beast over me, Dumbledore. 

It was far better when I did not know what Lupin truly was. I could have believed that I merely had a boyhood crush on him. But now that I know, my body knows the truth too. 

Every time, the beast was close to me, I had to suppress my body's desire to take him. It was almost like an obsession, madness for wanting the dark creature, wanting to control the dark power, wanting to own Lupin. I had to dig my nails into my palms painfully, to suppress my weak body from ever giving in to that mad temptation. 

Our 7th year rolled around, and as I watched Black's dirty hand slipping under the table in the Great Hall, no doubt giving a torturous jerk off again to Lupin for his sick twisted mind (which I had learned quite by an accident), I realized something I had missed before. Something I didn't know I had. The knowledge of his secret was not a burden, but an opportunity. I had possessed the power over Lupin and his gang of Gryffindors. 

One slip of a mouth, I could cast Lupin away forever, they knew it, especially Lupin knew that, but I did not……until now. 

Now, that's an interesting development in my favor.

tbc


	12. BLOOD FOR BLOOD

**Chapter 12: Blood for Blood**

**Year 1977**

**Remus Lupin:**

I burrowed further into fleeting warmth of my bed. My body was shaking with cold, yet my face was burning up. My cold, long fingers flinched away at the contact of the hot flesh of my face. 

Reason? I supposed the lack of blood would be it. 

"What is it?" Sirius murmured sleepily with his hand hung loose next to his bed, his dark haired tussled over his handsome face, hiding his eyes. 

"Nothing," I whispered shakily, "Nothing at all. Go back to sleep." 

Sirius mumbled unintelligibly then soon he fell silent. My heart was pounding in my ears. Racing against time. I took a deep breath, as I fell back to my sweat soaked pillow. 

Nightmares. They haunted me always, the fleeting moments in my dreams. Sometimes I had them when I was awake. Flashes here and there. It was especially strong when I was confined in a small space, such as my dorm room. And I always had this urge to run out…into the open. And that was how, Severus found out I was narcoleptic werewolf during our 7th year (Check out my companion piece Truth: Dreamer of Dreams). 

Sirius had been furious with me for doing something so stupid as getting rescued by Snape. But how can he understand my urges to run out in the open? How can he understand my dark dreams? And now my dark obsession to bleed and I had acquired a taste for the blood? My blood. 

Tonight, I woke up with my thumb in my mouth. Something I hadn't done in ages. And that wasn't all, I had bitten the skin, puncturing its skin, and I had sucked on my blood during the night. The moments like that made me wished San were with me. Maybe I could burrow into her fur and forget this craziness. 

**Severus Snape:**

The dark mark itched painfully whenever I was near the wolf. And I found myself scratching at it obsessively. And it was that same hand movement that attracted the dark lord's attention at last. 

"Severus, the son of Luther Snape, come before me," his dark voice commanded me. 

"My lord," I bowed before him, a bit fearful of what he would want with a 17 year old, barely a proper wizard, and not even an accomplished death eater. 

"I've heard of your uncanny ability to concoct the most complicated potions. Is it true?" 

I felt a pride rising in me, and I considered my answer carefully, for it was known that the Dark Lord was brilliant in the potions. "I do what I can, my lord." My eyes slowly rose to meet his intense eyes. 

His voice slithered with great heaviness, "Then I have a job for you, Snape." 

So I had listened to every word he said with great interest, for I was only a mere boy compare to his other death eaters. He, out of all the others, wanted me to create wolfsbane potion for his future servants. He told me in a great length of care how they could be vital to his aid. 

I nodded and left with a spring in my steps. 

Wolfsbane potion. It was something never achieved before. Many potion masters had tried, but failed. But I had an advantage over them, for I had a fervent mind and uncanny sense of smell, and also most importantly, I had a live werewolf in the Hogwarts. 

Finally, someone important and powerful had acknowledge my existence and my ability, and I believe that little werewolf needs to pay up the debt past due. 

**Remus Lupin:**

I was wondering aimlessly, wide-awake from my latest nightmare. I thought about History of Magic, Astrology, and even Potions, although I tried hard not to think about the subject. It always had a touch to come back into my mind. When I think of Potions, I thought of Snape. And the thought of Snape made my heart beat so hard, it hurt. I was forever in debt of Severus Snape, for everything. 

It was then, I collided into Severus Snape, right at that moment in the dead of the night. His great black eyes glinted dangerously like the predator on his hunt as he pushed his bony white fingers into my collarbone, as if he wanted to choke me to my death if not for his self control. 

"Pardon m-" 

I winced as he pushed me against the wall. "My, my, Lupin." His voice was low and strong. "What a pleasant surprise? What are you doing in the dead of the night?" He looked around and added, "without anyone?" 

I mentally cursed my stupidity, for my carelessness. 

But it was only Snape, what could he possibly do to me? He's only a boy, like me. 

He could kill you in a heartbeat, a nasty little wolf yelped, fueling my racing heart. It began to hurt my chest. 

Regaining my boldness, I tried to push his hands off, "What are you doing out here," Snape's hands remained strong and tight against me, "Snape," I hissed, looking directly into his eyes, unflinching at his stare. 

Snape seemed amused and he stepped back, releasing his hold on me. "Actually I was hoping to run into you," he smiled and I swallow nervously. "I think it's time you pay me what you owe…" he leaned in, his face only fraction of inch from my face. My breath stopped. 

He wouldn't….

His hands plunged into my hair, holding my head in place, as he planted a kiss on my lips. His warm tongue dancing inside my mouth. I felt light headed and could feel my knees giving out in shock, but Snape held me in place. His eyes were closed, but my eyes were wide open. I didn't see Snape, but something beyond him, us, the moment. 

I saw a pure white snow covered roof, where the warm smoke appeared serenely, almost unreal, too perfect. I saw the shadows of a woman and a man against the window curtain, and I heard laughter, pleasant and happy laughter. The familiar yet forever forgotten sound of my past. 

It was that sound I heard last, when I felt Severus Snape's tongue in my mouth, exploring hands stroking my hair. And I felt nothing. 

I didn't feel Snape's first strike at all. I must have looked dazed, sort of out even after that, because Snape's hand was about to strike my face for the second time, when I put my hand up to stop it. 

"Good. I thought you had one of _them_." He smirked and licked his lips tauntingly, reminding me how weak I was, physically and mentally. 

"I would appreciate it, if you won't slap me in the future," my voice wavering, betraying my fear. 

"I will appreciate it, if you won't kill me in the future," he taunted with a smirk that dared me to prove him wrong. "And I will do what I want with you." 

"You wish," I pushed past him, trying to walk faster, away from him. Regretting my previous thought that I was grateful to Snape for more than one occasion. Snape was a mystery. He could be so surprisingly good to me at a time, but his ever changing mood scared me a little. I heard him right behind me. I chastised myself for putting me into a situation like this again. 

"And you will do exactly what I want," His steady steps to my stumbling steps. I didn't slow, ignoring him. 

"When I want it." 

I didn't look back, although I sensed him right behind me. 

"And you will obey me, Lupin." 

"I am not your slave, Snape," I muttered, best to my judgment. I heard Snape's controlled laughter. 

"I never said you were." 

"Then why would I-" I stopped and turned to face him, feeling his powerful eyes. 

"You will help me, Lupin," He ran his finger against my cheek, touching it lightly. "For my silence." 

Oh Merlin. 

I squeezed my voice out. "What about you wanting me far from you as possible-" 

"That was during the day, Lupin." He smiled as I shuttered against his touch, but didn't move. "I can see that you understand me perfectly." 

He leaned in again, and this time, I closed my eyes, feeling my tears falling down silently. 

**Severus Snape:**

Even in his cold, frozen skin, he looked beautiful. So fair a sight, I never wanted anything in my life as bad as I wanted him right then. And I could have taken him. My body was twitching for the released. 

But my mark started to itch, reminding me of my important task to the Dark Lord. And I must obey. 

My lips lingered on him regretfully as I took his arm, pulling him toward the dungeon. He stiffened, but followed me in silence. I knew what he thought that was going to happen, but I didn't tell him of my plan. Why spoil his anxiety by telling him that I was simply going to collect a potion ingredient from him. 

He looked stunned, when I told him, what I was about to do to. 

"Wolfsbane Potion?" 

"Yes, yes, now _don't_ move." I positioned the needle carefully. 

"But, Severus," I stiffened when he uttered my name. He hasn't called me by my name since…but he didn't seemed to notice as he went on, staring into somewhere. "Wolfsbane potion is a myth. It's never been achieved before." 

I pushed in the needle, careful to not drop a single blood. His arm was pitiful. It was so thin and pale, I could see all the blue veins under his skin as if he was translucent, and worst, I could see all of his bruises. New and old alike they were the ugly damage to other wise perfect feature. 

The blood was not coming out as well as I had hoped. 

"I like the challenge, now hold still," I touched his cold skin and began to milk his arm of his blood. Slowly moving up and down his arm, matching the blood pumping into the small pouch. It was hypnotic. Touching him like that. Draining his life force. 

Up and down. Up and down. I could feel my body twitching again with excitement. 

"But, Severus," he said my name again, "How can I help you?" He seemed to be in a trance, I guessed, in shock from my intention. "I am terrible in potions." 

I willed my erection to go down as I reminded myself to be focused. "Not brewing potions, you git. Pay attention," I crouched down to his eye level, next to the table he was laying on with his arm extended down for the blood flow. "You will provide me the ingredients I need." His eyes flicked toward me, "Well I can't very well go to the market and demand to have werewolf blood, can I?" 

"Right," he said weakly as his eyes glazing over. 

Shit, I cursed mentally, as I stopped milking his arm. The pouch was full with his blood. Too much! I drew too much in my excitement. 

I quickly pull out the needle, and murmured a healing spell I knew, sealing the wound. I put his arm back to his side, and found Remus breathing shallow. 

"Lupin," I shook his leg, "Lupin, wake up. Wake up." 

Desperate, I leaned in and captured his lips, trying to aid him to breathe in my attempt at CPR. 

His eyes flew open, blazing yellow orbs shining up, looking at me. He bit my lips, and I gasped, involuntarily moved back, causing my lips to bleed. He blinked a couple of times, and to my amazement, his yellow eyes turned back to his usual golden eyes. 

"San?" he asked in his confusion. 

"No, it's-" I stopped when I realized his eyes were closed again. "Bloody hell, Lupin. Wake up!" I slapped his face red until his hand came up and captured my hand. His grip is surprisingly strong. 

"I told you to stop slapping me, Snape." He slowly opened his eyes to see me, his lips smiling a little, "You are bleeding." I was so relieved I laughed out loud at his remark. It felt like we were back in our first year, making jokes and enjoying each other's company, when everything was so much simple. Just two lonely boys finding a friend in each other… 

"You stupid wolf, you should have warned me you were going to bite me." 

"And you were supposed to warn me you were going to take my blood." 

Fine, wolf, you win. This time. My blood for yours. 

I grumbled loudly. "What did you think I was going to do?" I asked smugly, licking away my blood on my lips. He shook his head and attempted to sit up. 

"Never mind." He said as he gave up trying to raise himself up and lay down with a shiver. 

"No, I want to know." I pressed him, looking at his face for any sign of blushing. He groaned and held his head on his hands, massaging his aching head. 

So it went on. Whenever I needed his 'help', I would hand him a little silver coin under the potion table. My way of telling him I needed him that night. He, in turn, gripped my hand a bit tighter as our hands touched under the table, acknowledging my demand. 

Dark Lord summoned me regularly to hear about the progress. And each time, I would tell him about my new discoveries. Of course, I would never tell him of Lupin. I had sworn never to tell on him, and I am man of my words. 

Besides, what good would it do to either of us to tell the who-he-must-not-be-named about it? 

Now looking back, my young self must have realized how important he was… 

The other thing I kept to myself was what I had been doing with Lupin's blood. Yes, I used them for potion testing, but I was also using them for a side research. I remember everything that I had witnessed on the morning of the attack. I remember his silver glow and the shattering of the glasses. The answer lies in his blood, although I am not sure what the question was.

**San:**

I howled against the full moon, our source of power, our Goddess. My lonely howl joined by fifty of our kinds into the night. Fifty of us were all that was left of the proud clan of Lunari Dar, the wolves of the Moon. We've been hiding from the men's eyes for the five Ages. Now, only our clan remains that of the magic wolves. 

We cried for our brothers and sisters, who were lost to us forever. We cried for those who were still lost, and searching for our guidance. I cried for our ancestors who had fallen. I cried for my pup, who was lost forever into the dark. I cried out for vengeance for his death, for his killer's blood. And lastly I cried for my dear human pup, who was alone and had a hole in him that would never close. 

"Remus! Remus!" I called out his name, hoping to hear him once more, but I knew it wouldn't be until years have passed. For my mother had foreseen the future. For immortals like us, the time is all we have left. And I am patient she wolf, just like our mother. 

Mool lamented his sorrows not far from me, crying like the rest of them, running free amongst them. I know I should join them in the run, but tonight, I will remain alone with my memory. 

**Remus Lupin:**

Snape pushed a little silver coin into my hand, under our desk, out of everyone's eyes. "Tonight," he talked with his shiny coin, and then he would let go. I supposed he believed the little silver would cause me pain, but he was wrong. It was only a myth that silver would burn my skin on contact. 

All it would do was drain me of energy, in the worst situation, it would make me light headed. But yes, I supposed I could die upon a long exposure to a silver object. I supposed the silver bullet could easily kill me as a real bullet could, but only faster. 

Anyway, I collected all the little silver coins Snape gave me, and I stored them in a jar. Someday, I would return them to him, I promised myself. Maybe I will buy him a present for the graduation. 

I break out into a hollow laughter at the thought, and quickly suppressed it, when I realized it rang out against the walls and bounced back. I looked around to find myself standing alone in the darkened room I had been many times. 

"You are late," Snape's accusing voice rang out into my ears. Our years in Hogwarts were almost over, and he still hasn't told me anything of the wolfsbane potion. Not that I had hoped for anything. I couldn't dare to hope for more than I deserved. 

And I was truly a lost cause. 

**Albus Dumbledore:**

I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it to him. I tried writing letters, but I ripped them all. I tried talking to him, but my mouth just won't form a word, and in the end, I sent him away with pat on the back as if he was still a child. 

I knew who Lord Voldemort was, and what he wanted, what I wanted over all. I wanted to turn back the time if I had the power, and prevent everything that had happened to us. 

"Oh, I am so sorry." 

But I know that my word would be never enough, unless he tasted my blood, unless he destroyed everything. For the revenge will never satisfy its revenger. Blood for blood, I suppose. 

When I stare into her eyes, when I dared to look upon her smiling eyes, young, still loving and trusting toward me, all I see is the haze of her blood on my hands. Ishmael's blood on my hand. Thomas's blood on my hand. And I see all their bloods dripping silently yet louder than anything in my head. 

So I had to put her away from the view. I couldn't face her black and white smiling eyes staring back at me. I put her back into my drawer, and sealed her away. 

It was all my fault. 

Forgive me dear Merlin for I have sinned.

tbc


	13. THE STAND

**Chapter 13: The Stand**

**Year 1979 **

**Lily Evans: **

Petunia was utterly impossible. I know for a fact that she was not allergic to owls or any other feathery creatures, but she claimed she would die of heart failure if any of the wedding owls came near her. So I had to scratch out the showering of white roses from the flying owls above the guests' heads, as James and I were to walk down the narrow path as man and wife. 

Father was crying like a girl, when he handed over me to James, he was crying so dramatically that I felt a bit of laughter rising out of my belly, stopping my own tears in the process. I bet that was exactly what father was going for, because I saw Sirius wink at father's direction as I stood facing James. 

James, oh Merlin, my dear James. He was just so handsome, although his messy hair refused to lie low even for the pictures. He clasped my hand as we faced the crowd as Potters. When I saw Professor Dumbledore's pointy hat sneaking off in the back, I squeezed James's hand, "He was here," I whispered. 

"I know," James replied as we walked down slowly. 

Everyone except for the muggles from my side knew of the war and he-who-must-not-be-named. Professor Dumbledore the major force behind recent wins against the death eaters, and James and I knew how busy he was of everything, and did not expect him to be there. 

Our wedding was modest, for it was the time of dark war. Many of our friends did not make it our wedding; many were fighting in the front line or sadly had been killed or went missing. 

I smiled at Peter, who had a broken arm, after the bombing of the section 13 of the Ministry of Magic. Next to him stood gallant Jo, who threw bunches of tickling charm at us. Next to her stood bashful Ashley, whose golden curls never lost their beauty despite the ration of the war. My eyes searched for Meg despite knowing the news of her brave death only few months ago. After the thought of Meg, my eyes searched for the familiar smile of sweet Remus. 

After our graduation, Remus and Sirius moved in together to a small flat, in London. James, Peter and Sirius were going to be aurors under the trainings of Mad Eye Moody, despite his outstanding grades in DADA, Remus was denied to even apply for the aurorship. For he, was considered dark and dangerous by the people he wanted to serve and protect. 

Dumbledore wanted Remus for a secret force I am not supposed to describe even before the graduation, but Remus was unsure, hesitant to take a job from Dumbledore. I supposed, he felt he owed Dumbledore too much to accept another favor from him. 

Hoewever, after the months of unemployment, he finally consented. He's been working on something for a quite a long while, unable to meet us frequently. I had to be content with Sirius's descriptive words to James. Of course, most of his stories were corrupted by Sirius's disgustingly outrageous description of their hot dates one night after the other. Honestly, I began to be jealous of their amazing stamina. James did warned me, we would put them to shame on our wedding night… 

I had not seen Remus since the wild night of bachelorette's party, where he had been the victim of the girls' make over. The boy should have been faster at his getaway to the wild night of bachelor's party after our rehearsal dinner last night. 

It was his fault for being so bloody nice. 

Honestly, he was better looking guy by the end of the night. I didn't understand why Sirius called me earlier today to complain, completely waking the nervous bride on her wedding day, when Sirius should have been shagging the brains out of Remus. 

Oops, bad mental picture! That's not how a bride should think on her wedding day! 

I must have had a dirty smirk on my face, because "Bride is having dirty thoughts!" was shouted out loud as I was temporarily blinded by a **Poof** of a visocamera, capturing my unguarded moment. 

"SIRIUS!" 

That sod! 

"That was for Remus!" The idiot in the name of Sirius Black said as he tugged at the pretty girl next to him. I was going to give him a piece of my mind, when I suddenly realized the pretty witch in a blue jean and a punk rock t-shirt(who tried very hard to look muggle. Clearly nobody explained to her how to wear muggle cloths for a wedding…not just her either, half of the attendees were wearing mixed and oddly matched muggle clothes) was looking very familiar. Very, very familiar in fact. 

"Oh my god. I didn't know it was this bad," James muttered next to me, stiffening his rising laugh. 

It was then I realized why I didn't see Remus the handsome boy at the wedding. It was because he was the pretty looking witch next to Sirius. It should have been funny, if not for the scowl on Sirius's face. 

"Lily! Turn him back!" 

"How? I don't know what we did!" I cried as I hugged and comforted uneasy Remus. 

"What you did…" said Remus in hushed voice, looking utterly miserable. 

"What **I** did…?" Apparently, all the girls had too much drinks, and played around with the make up for far too long. We must have charmed the make up to stay put on Remus's face! 

"I am so sorry, Moony!" I pulled out my wand discreetly, and muttered counter charm unmasking him. 

"Good thing you were so good at Charms, Lily," Sirius said as he came closer, "And now about the picture…" 

So I ended up having to charm my impossible sister to look as if she had a big…fat…mole on her face, in order to win back the picture of myself smirking dirty-mind-ly back at me, while poor James in the background was trying desperately to get my attention to no avail. 

It was worth Petunia's screams… 

I would never stand this down. 

**James Potter:**

As I had promised Lily, our wedding night put Sirius and Remus to shame, even the great Casanova would not hold a candle to our beautiful night. 

But our happy honeymoon had to end so suddenly, when all the aurors were called back to the front to depend the Ireland from the sudden attacks. It would take another week for me to go back to my wife, and another three weeks for the things to settle down. 

During that time, I've slept, ate and spend all of my time with Sirius and Peter, it felt like we were back in Hogwarts, scheming another attack at the Slytherins, but this time more was at stake. We were depending our country instead of our house cup. 

It was only of late, I began to hear some complains from Sirius that Remus was coming home later and was too exhausted to make love to him. I had to roll my eyes at him for that remark, but I too began to worry for Moony. 

A whispering wind began to circulate that Voldemort was beginning to recruit dark creatures like Vampires, Ghouls, and Werewolves to stand beside the Dark Power. 

**Remus Lupin:**

My job with Dumbledore was mundane yet important. It's important enough to be secret, even from my friends. I am not allowed to speak of it. I have spent endless hours researching for Dumbledore, endless hours of reading books and writing down what I have found at the London Library. I guess being an avid reader as a child had paid off in the end. 

Compare to my relatively boring life, James, Sirius and Peter are having the most of their air kicked out of them. They have passed the auror tests, and in matter of hours, they became aurors. There was no ceremony during the time of war, but if it had been a peaceful time, there would have been much to celebrate their achievements. 

I don't wish to myself that I could have been an auror like them if only I had not been bitten. I don't hope for those millions of what ifs… It would drive me crazy to dwell on the past and the facts of the present. 

Besides, I tell myself, one good thing about being a researcher under Dumbledore was I had an unlimited amount of resources available to me. The Ministry's secret files and dark data were at my fingertips that I had never dreamed of reading. 

It was one of those sleepless nights, I stumbled upon another TOP SECRET file. I was searching for the origin of the curse of Kazakum, which could aid the aurors to stop the deadly curses from the death eaters just a second before they were to received them. It would have been amazing find, but sadly, the secret of Kazakum was lost centuries after the Dark Age. 

I was reaching for the top box that contain some reference I was looking for, when I clumsily knocked off the box next to it, spilling its contents to the ground. But it wasn't just any ordinary TOP SECRET file. 

It had my name on the top. Next to it was the word that defined who I was to the others. 

Name: Remus J. Lupin/Werewolf 

The rest of the information stated my physical health and mental health. They even had tested my IQ somehow, and stated next to the score that 'The subject shows intelligence beyond his years, despite difficulties after his trauma of the attack and the separation from his human parents.' Then after long sentences, the file ends with 'Strange, the boy seems to understand far more than his average peers, yet is unable to speak. Only his eyes tell his real soul behind his silent wall. This one is recommended to be watched.' 

I rested my head against the boxes of files and closed my eyes, trying to remember my young self. I could almost see a scared young boy amongst the vast of faceless figures of adults. But the image was gone before I could remember, and left me feeling lost as ever. I was only four. I was only four. I was only four. 

That night, I came home even later than usual. I hardly noticed Sirius next to me, until he put his arms around me sleepily, drawing my cold body to his warm one. But that night, I could not fall asleep, and for the first time, I wished vainly for my narcolepsy to take me. Again, hoping for the peace that would not come willingly. My uneasy past stood out far more visibly than ever in my life, haunting me with its song of yesterday. 

After that night, my obsession with my past began to swallow me. It was then, when the truth started to reveal itself, everything began to fall apart. 

**Peter Pettigrew:**

He had captured me at last! Ever since my training with Moody had began, I had feared for this day, and my apprehension had painfully came true. 

My small Pettigrew legs had failed to keep me safe any more, but you-know-who offered me power instead of death. He had killed off all the captured aurors but me, the small, insignificant Peter. Who would have thought anyone so powerful could possibly want me? Lord Voldemort offered me a choice, death or join. And with the trembling hand, I accepted his death mark on my arm. 

My faith was sealed, my choice was made. 

Nothing can undo what I had done. I had made my stands against my friends. 

**Sirius Black:**

For weeks, I had been worry about Moony. He has been acting a bit off. Well, offer than his usual, I mean. Moony was always been little bit weird compare to rest of us, but he has been really not himself. 

I had taken myself out of the mission to be home more with him, in attempt to figure out what was bothering him so. Only Peter went with the mission, after James pulled out on a last minute to attend his mother's sudden death. I wasn't thinking of the mission or Pete, until I suddenly heard the news from my old pal from Hogwarts, Daniel Jones. He had been taken from the school to the secret location, during our Hogwarts stay, and apparently he had been working for Dumbledore the whole time he and I had been out of the touch. 

I had been sick with worries for Peter's life, when James and I heard of the utter failure of the plan to capture the death eaters at the Forrest of Esa. We hopped on to be the rescue team, but nobody really expected anything but to retrieve their bodies. 

It was so gruesome sight that I had nearly retched. In my mind, I was afraid I would find Peter's torn body, but hoping to find an answer to his where about. 

"Padfoot, you okay?" 

It was concerned James, who should have been back home with Lily, grieving for his own lost. 

"Y-yes." I had nodded numbly, clutching the nearby tree to steady myself. I nearly fell down, when my hands slipped against the tree trunk. Upon my closer examination, the tree was covered with slick blood. 

"James, do you think this war would ever end?" I had asked my best friend with such hopelessness, he stopped his track and faced me. "I mean, all these," I moved my bloodied hands around the silent forest. "What is this for? I mean, why are we doing this? Why are we killing each other?" 

I didn't even know I had given up on Peter, until James quietly came closer, holding me up. He tipped my face to face him in the eye. "Sirius Black, we are doing this, because we have to. We are doing this for all the people Voldemort-" 

I had flinched visibly at the name, but James went on steadily, "had killed in his greed for power. We are doing what we are doing, because if we don't, we are as good as giving up the world. We might as well just throw ourselves in the fire, and give up on Peter." 

I looked at him through tears in my eyes. "On your parents. On my mother. On everyone. This war, my friend, will end one way or the other, and I am not giving up until Voldemort is brought down." 

It was James, who had clapped my shoulder and pulled me up from the brink of despair. It was James who found Peter's still form under the file of dead bodies, still breathing, still alive. We had cried with joy as he moved his chest to take in air. Peter was, the only one found, to be alive, they told us later. 

Lily had once told me what seemed like ages ago that Peter was the strongest among all of us. I did not take her seriously then, but I sure was glad our little Peter was breathing, here alive. I think before then, my pompous arse of a head had never consciously accepted him as our equal partner in crime, but after that night, he was the hero in my eyes. And James was the believer, because of people like them, we were going to win this war. I was sure of it. 

James taught me what we stood for, and I would make sure with my life that it would stand for millenniums to come. 

**Severus Snape:**

I watched in horror behind my mask as my fellow death eaters began to brutally kill all the cows. They were laughing as they killed the defenseless animals. Avory was snickering as he and Bale were trying to outdo each other by casting the most gruesome spells on the creatures. As their wretched cries of pain echoed through the cold winter night, the owners of the animals were already silent in their death. 

Only their little boy was crying against the hands of his parents' killer. 

I watched mutely in my place safe in my shadow, unable to turn away, as a hand brutally covered his small mouth, and the owner of that hand appallingly violated the little boy. I turned from the sight, as the raper suffocated the boy in his attempt to bring it up. As the little body fell still, the raper smiled and pulled back his cock from the limp little mouth. Malfoy stood up, looked back at me with the superior glint in his eyes that chilled me to core. It was as if I was looking back at myself. It was as if he and I were the same. 

Suddenly the room seemed to spin, and spin, and spin. When I got my footings in place, I realized I was alone. I no longer heard the screams of the creatures nor the laughters of death eaters. I found my eyes lingering on the boy's face, and suddenly everything began to make absolutely no sense at all. It was my face, it was my young body lying there, dead. It was me that died there. And beside me was my dead mother. Her face contorted in silent scream, as she had died in the hands of my father so long ago. Strangled to death. She hadn't the time to even scream. 

I closed my eyes in my memory, and tried to block it out of my mind. For so long in my life, I made myself to believe my father had merely left my muggle mother. But deep inside, I knew, I knew the truth. I so wanted to believe her to be the less deserving, so common and unfit to be my mother, but deep inside I knew her laughter and her warmth. I knew her love for her little boy. And deep inside I knew I had loved her once upon a time as well. Where had that little boy gone, mother? Where had all my innocence go? 

When I opened my eyes again, in front of me, stood Hogwarts, in all her glory under the pale sunrise.

**Albus Dumbledore:**

I want to tell you a story, a very sad story that yet has a happy or sad ending. 

Long, long time ago, there was a man, a very happy man, who adored and loved the little girl, and in return she loved him as well. Her mother was a fair and beautiful woman but had a very bad weak heart, and sadly she had to go away, leaving very, very sad man and very, very sad little girl behind. 

The man decided, then, that he would never make his little girl sad ever again, and he succeeded…almost. They were very happy and very close to each other for a long time. However, the man did not see how the little girl had changed. Not in a bad way, but different. The little girl was no long a child, but a grown woman. She fell in love with a handsome young man, in secret to her father. 

When the man found out about the affair, he was devastated. He did not understand. He had grown too fond of the routine. He was afraid. He did not want to be alone. He did not want to let her go. He did not like the young man she had fell in love. They fought, terribly. 

In the end, the little girl whom he loved and who had loved him back was gone from his life forever. 

And the man was left alone in anger and in sadness. 

Years passed, and one day, a letter arrived from the little girl. Inside was a picture of a little boy, a handsome little boy. The little girl was a mama now. But the man did not forgive her for leaving him, and he never answered the letter. 

Few more years passed, the man became a father to many, many little boys and girls. He was happier, but a desperate letter from the little girl arrived. She wanted the man's help to save her little boy, her precious little son. The man tried, but failed. He could not save the little boy. The little boy was lost to them forever. The man knew he had failed his little girl, and the little girl's heart also failed and was gone forever. And the man was truly left alone in his guilt and despair. 

But one day, a hope came. The man had a chance to redeem himself. He had found the lost little boy. But the man was afraid, and left the little boy in the dark. Then the dark time came. The man was needed by the others, and he again failed his own. The man never told the little boy the truth. The truth was lost. The lost little boy had a hole in him that would never close. 

The story yet has the ending, but the man hopes, in the end, the boy would stand by him when he learns the whole truth, nothing but the truth. 

Whenever that might be. 

**Lord Voldemort:**

It is curious thing to learn how you have treated your only heir, but that's nothing new, compare to how you have treated so many others under your care, is it not? 

The story is simple, Dumbledore. You are a sad excuse of a man. People called you and still call you, a hero. Hahahaha. You know, how funny all this thing is? I am trying to bring down the millenniums of corruptions, and yet, I am considered to be a villain. And you are their savior, who has utterly no conscious at all. 

Do you know why I have so many followers? Hmmm? 

The power hungry imbeciles are just a few, only a mere fraction of the masses. They are only there to carry out the less pleasant business of turning the tide. The real secret of my power lies with the less unfortunates. 

The dark creatures, you people labeled them. You with the powers have treated them as they were animals, no, a less than that. You have shunned the unfortunates and killed so many mores under the names of rightesouness. Who gave you the power to judge upon them? Who gave you the ultimate choice to destroy their lives? Did you feel better, when you make them beg for their lives? Did that make you feel bigger? 

Again, the story is simple. You failed. 

But that's nothing new, is it? You had failed your wife, your precious only daughter, even your best friends died knowing how you failed them. And now you will fail everyone once again. You have let him down. But this time everyone will suffer as I have suffered in my lonely hellish of a life. This time I will take back what is rightfully mine. The vengeance is what I seek, and it alone will satisfy my incessant hunger, for the justice and for your blood. Who will stand beside you, after the truth is out? Who will stand beside you when all is said and done? Who will stand beside you now? 

I am coming for him.

tbc


	14. REVEALING SECRETS

**Chapter 14: Revealing Secrets**

**Year 1979-1980**

**Severus Snape: **

I cried on Dumbledore's shoulder, and I had told him everything that I knew, and in the end, I was a wreck, shuddering against his comforting embrace, confessing my sins. 

"Severus," he gently said, "why are you here?" 

I looked up and met his eyes in surprise, and I thought for a long time, pondering the simple question. "I don't know, sir," I told him quietly. I look left at his pet phoenix, Fawkes, who was sleeping with his head tucked into his wing. 

"I don't know." 

Dumbledore followed my gaze to Fawkes, and he looked back at me, his wheels already turning and turning. When I finally met his piercing blue gaze, he steadily spoke, "Severus, do you wish to be reborn?" 

"Yes." And from that moment on, a son of Luther Snape was gone, but a son of Marianne Snape was reborn. 

I became a spy.

**Remus Lupin:**

Have you ever heard of the narcoleptic man unable to fall asleep? Well I have, and that bloody man was me. I couldn't sleep. No matter how my exhausted body demanded its rest, my head refused to. It was going around and around in circle, trying to figure out a riddle without an answer. I couldn't eat. My once ravishing appetite has all been disappeared. I found myself playing with my food, making little letters unknowingly to the annoyance of Sirius. "Stop playing with the food, if you are not going to eat it, then save it. You know the ration is getting tighter?" And I couldn't perform. "God, you could at least try to be interested!" Sirius complained on top of me as he was trying to get me excited. But I couldn't pretend, or lie. I was good at hiding my troubles, but this time, I was too distracted to focus, make Sirius happy or do anything but stare at a spot in front of me, thinking about one thing, no obsessing about one thing, my past. 

In my search, I have found more documents, files and most importantly, names. Not just any names, the names of top officials at the Ministry of Magic, and one particular name on the top of the list was Efrem Kurtz, the most famously known officer turned death eater. 

I remembered the event that led to my findings. It had been almost surreal experience. Four days after my first discovery in the small file storage room in London Library, I found the address of Vincent Lupin, who had been my foster caretaker before Mr. Stafford. I had forgotten about him, almost entirely. Next day, I had gone away to find him, while Sirius had left for a short mission to Ireland's coast. I dare not tell him for a fear that he would stop me from doing so. He like everyone else thought that I would break down in exhaustion or get killed by the wondering death eater, if I were to wonder out of their sights. One thing they did not know was the will of a werewolf. When I set my mind on one thing, I will see it done. 

I gasped slightly as the world around me slowly made sense once again. The voice was so familiar, yet so far away. It was first time in a long years, I had heard this sound, a sound of someone. Someone so familiar. 

"Ah, young Lupin, you finally decided to join the world of living." A warm hand tapped my cheek gently. Still little disoriented from unexpected sleep, I blinked to clear my hazy eyes. I could hardly see who was in front of me. 

"Here. This will help you, young Lupin." 

"Thank you," I mumbled in gratitude as I took a cold pack offered to me by the unknown lady, and I put the pack on my forehead. 

"Now young man, you gave me such a start with fainting business just as I opened the door. I am guessing you are the Remus Lupin, who has been sending all those owls to my door, eh?" 

"Yes, yes. Mrs. Lupin?" I asked uncertainly as my eyes began to clear. 

"Yes, and just Anna will do." Anna set down on a chair next to a bed where I currently found myself trying to sit up. 

"Anna, I am sorry about this. I have a rare condition called…" 

"I know you are a werewolf, young Lupin." Anna intercepted. 

"Narcolep…sy…" I stopped, "How did you…unless you…" 

"Narcolepsy, eh? I thought you were too frightened to see little ole' me, and fainted." Anna gave a heartfelt laugh. 

"I am sure you have a lot of questions, but let me make you a cup of tea. No, stay there." With that Anna disappeared toward her kitchen. "There you are. It's strawberry. Smells nice, isn't it?" Anna handed me the steaming cup of tea. 

"Thank you." I drank a bit, and then paused, remembering something. "Did you make this all the time?" I sniffed the pleasant aroma again, trying to recollect. 

"Yes. It used to be Vincent's favorite." Her tone made it clear that Vincent was long gone. "He was my son, Vincent. He was the one who brought you here. He was the one you seek, is it not?" 

I nodded. 

"Do you remember anything of him, young Lupin?" 

"No…wait, maybe the smells." I said as I shook my head lightly. 

"Yes, I heard that wolves remember aromas very well. Well, I guess…I should explain to you from the beginning." They both heard the growl of rainstorm outside. "I think it is good thing that we are both in here, and not out there. You are welcome to stay here as long as you need to." 

"I won't want to intrude more on your…" 

"Nonsense, you won't remember but I do. You used to get so scared of the thunders and lightening." She smiled faintly in memory. "But I am going ahead of myself again. Well, first I did not want to reply back to you, because…well…I was not sure the sender was really you. About oh… ten years ago, I received letters from someone looking for information about your past. His name was Kurtz." 

"Kurtz…" I remembered that name from somewhere, then it hit me. "Efrem Kurtz?" 

"Yes, that one. He claimed that he needed all the information regarding you for the official records for the Ministry. And I wrote him back with details, in hopes that I would be able to help. But of course, he turned out to be a death eater for you-know-who shortly after that." 

"Yes, yes." I was suddenly breathless. They knew Kurtz was one of the most avid supporters of Voldemort and one who single-handily helped Voldemort bring down latest defense against him only a year ago. Anna continued, "Ever since then, I am cautious about who I speak to and what I do. I knew that if you wanted to know, you would come and find me. More tea?" And so we talked in Anna's country house day and night without knowing the passage of time. 

"You were barely five years old, when Vincent, a dedicated social agent for the Ministry of Magical Creatures was given an opportunity to take care of badly treated young werewolf. I was shocked, simply shaken, when they bought you in. You were barely alive. They didn't tell me where you had been before, but you were through hell, maybe even worse." She looked over and saw not the grown man that I was, but a scared young boy. "You didn't speak until months later. I remember the day like it was yesterday. You were staring out the window, and suddenly you said, 'It's snowing.' Vincent and I looked out, and sure enough, it was snowing." She sighed and continued on. With help of Anna, they had taken care of me, until Vincent was killed by a horrible accident involving Cresian Dragons. The Ministry had taken me from grieving Anna, and after that Anna did not know what had happened to me. When I told her about Mr. Stafford, she looked relieved, and she smiled fully for the first time. 

Anna had saved all the documents and papers that Vincent had left here. For two days, they searched through the papers together, searching for anything that Anna did not remember. 

"Remus, look at this." Anna handed an old letter. 

_**….Vincent Benjamin Lupin is granted a guardianship of Remus Jeremiah from this day forward…. **_

"Jeremiah." 

_"Jeremiah~" She sing sang. "Jeremiah~ haha ha. Jeremiah, hold out your hand for me, love."_

That was me! He was me! How could I ever forget her voice. 

"Look at the signature on the bottom, Remus." Anna gasped with surprise and almost fearfully pointed it out. 

**_Efrem Kurtz_**

"Kurtz?" 

Anna stared back at me with uneasy eyes. 

Veils upon veils. They were all shrouding me from something. Something I needed to know… 

**Sirius Black:**

James told me the greatest news ever. Lily and James will have a baby together! That sod! Trying to be so smirk about it. He said it was still a secret, because Lily hasn't told any of her friends or family yet. So I was to keep my bloody Black mouth shut until further notice. As if I would tell on him! God, he still doesn't trust me after all this time together! 

I came home early to tell Moony the news of course, but he wasn't there. So I called the Library, and he never came to work today. I began to think maybe I should call someone to send out a search for him, but I decided against it. He was a grown man after all. He can do whatever he wants. 

So I sat down, and waited, and waited. 

Hours later, I must have fallen asleep, and during the night, he had came home, with the distinct taste of strawberry on his lips. Funny, where would he have gotten strawberries during this time of year? Even during the war with rations and everything?

**Remus Lupin:**

I never told Sirius where I had been, and he never asked me. He was busy with his job after all, tracking down death eaters and defending his country, he didn't need the extra burden to worry about me. And I would tell him everything if he asks me to. 

Few days after I came home, Sirius made this strange noise as he banged the door to our bedroom shut, the sound rang through the house, waking me up from my thought in front of the dying fire where I had sat since the dinner, thinking about all the information I had gathered. Sirius might have been trying to get my attention, but I did not know. Things were not going very well, at home with Sirius, or at work alone. I was already behind my research for Dumbledore. 

My lastest transformation had been difficult one, even with James and Peter with us; the wolf had been unusually stubborn and vicious, almost breaking off from them in the run. The morning after had been awkward among four friends, that in itself has been unusual, because we had never felt anything like that since our first year together. But I couldn't do anything to ease the odd tension. Even with Lily's full belly, she came every morning after the transformation with the chicken soup in her hand. 

"You look like you are starving, Remus," she said as she poured the soup into a tupperwear. 

Every day was another day to find another clue; every night was extra time to spend on my quest. And it was one of those many sleepless nights, alone at the London Library; I was visited by a person who held all the keys to my past. I came face to face with the most feared wizard in the universe. 

**Tiny Tee:**

I watched him under the protection of the darken room, silently watching his pale face, and learning visually that he was all grown up as he was supposed to be in his age. Strong and powerful, I could sense his magic in him, just like Beatrice, my bee. 

I flinched at my own thought. I haven't thought of her nickname for years, but watching his face brought it all back. He had his mother's face, his soft lines and slim figure. Yet, I sensed, his power was much subdued, locked in him. My face turned dark as I thought the reason why. It was all Dumbledore's fault. He had kept him away from me, away from his true potential. I had not done everything to see his potential to go to waste. I had done everything for him. 

"Hello," I whispered, suddenly afraid that I might startle him. Me, afraid? I should have laughed at my weak self, a part I thought I had affectively left behind. 

"Hello," he said as he pointed his wand at my heart, his guarded face looking up from his papers. I felt proud at his reaction; he knew I was there even before I spoke. "Drop your wand, or you die," he said, and I believed his deadly words. 

"Drop your wand, sir," he said again, as neither of us made a move. 

"How do you know I am your enemy?" I spoke unflinchingly; after all I was the Lord Voldemort, I do not fear anything or anyone. 

"Only an enemy would hide behind the darkness, sir. If you truly are my friend, you wouldn't have, sir." 

"But would an enemy give away one's position so easily, as I have done, with a greeting nonetheless?" and with a pause, I added, "Sir?" 

"One should never be too careful, and you still haven't given me your reasons or your name for that matter, for me to believe you are, indeed, a friend…sir?" 

I couldn't deny that he had been trained well, even under that man, he had managed to make me proud of how he had grown up. 

"Drop your wand, sir. Or I should be sorry to use my wand on you." He said it again, as he raised his wand a bit to prove his point. 

And I did something I had never done before. I dropped my wand. It made a chunk sound as it hit the ground and rolled out toward him into the light. I watched as he stepped on my wand in time to stop it. He then looked back at me, and lowered his wand slowly. Still mistrusting and guarded, and I sensed something else. Something else was on his mind. 

I matched his piercing eyes, as I stepped out into the light, revealing my face fully. 

I caught my wand back to my hand, as he swayed, still trying to fight the cursed symptom with all his will and trying to stun me at the same time. I stunned him quite fast, and he never had a chance to fight back. Just like everything that had happened to him and to me. He dropped his wand, which I pocketed with care. 

I held him for the first time in sixteen years, but that fact had not registered fully to me while I was apparating with him to one of safe houses. It was only after I had laid him down and took a look at him so close, did I realized how much I had missed through the years. 

**Third Person Point of View:**

When Remus woke up from his spell, he found himself unharmed, and cleaned. His expected bloody wounds were nowhere to be found, and even a day old scars from the transformation had healed and disappeared. He felt strangely relaxed and soothed, which unnerved him to no end. He looked around his surroundings and found it was a library, a small personal library with full of leather-bounded books. He had been lying against soft sofa next to a dim light. He slid his hands and felt the smoothness of the leather of the sofa. It was indeed the best leather he had ever felt. 

"A fellow appreciator of the finest leather." Remus stopped and looked directly where the sound came from. The place was too dark for him to see properly, but he could make out a figure of man sitting before a desk. 

"I didn't think anybody was…who are you?" 

The man didn't answer, which unnerved Remus again. 

"Who are you?" He asked again. Then thought for a moment and added, "I am Remus Lupin, if you didn't know." 

A soft chuckle escaped from the man. 

"You are so much like your mother. Always polite in the worst of situations." 

"My mother?" Remus made an attempt to get up from the sofa, but he was interrupted. 

"Sit!" A loud commend, followed by softer and gentler request, "Please, sit." 

Remus complied with reluctance. 

"Who are you, sir? For you seemed to know me." Remus stared at the dark figure with intensity. "And-and how did you know my mother?" 

Suddenly there was a clicking sound, and the light was turned on to revealed Voldemort. 

A gasped escaped from Remus. "You!" he cried and instinctively reached for his wand, which no longer was there. 

"I guess I should be pleased that you recognize me, Mr. Lupin. After all, most wizards would in your situation. To answer your question, I am Lord Voldemort, but I guess you knew that already." He looked at Remus with an intensity of burning fire. "To answer your other question, I am afraid, I knew her personally and…" he trailed as he glanced down at his left hand and then, back to Remus again to see if Remus was watching him. "Intimately." He finished. 

There was deadly silence that spoke louder than any sound. Remus looked slightly pained. After a long while, he spoke, "Don't mock me sir, for I don't believe you." Remus spat out the last word hatefully. 

A chuckle escaped from Voldemort as if he was pleased Remus was challenging him. "You have grown up to be the man I hoped you would be someday. I have to say I am very pleased with you, Jeremiah. Or should I call you Remus now. Your father had named you Remus after all, it was your mother who called you by Jeremiah." 

Remus felt chilled by his words. How did Voldemore knew of his middle name that he, himself did not find out until few days ago? 

"I see that I've got your full attention now." He sounded pleased. "Jeremiah was a name that held a lot of meaning for your mother. Her only child was to have the name that had been passed down from generations after generations to the male heirs in her family. She was also an only child and she was determined to pass down her family name to you, even though her family wasn't exactly approving…. Your father did not object, of course, for he loved her very much. I can't say he loved her family……but he loved her." 

Remus watched Voldemort carefully, and strangely he almost felt that Voldemort was a man he could had known as a friend if the circumstances were different. 

"What was-" 

"Her name?" Voldemort interrupted and continued, "Beatrice. She was sometime called Bumblebee." A smile escaped from Voldemort's hard mouth but disappeared before Remus could recognize for sure. "That was her _family_ nickname for her. But it sadden her greatly to think about her family, especially her father, who didn't approve of her marriage." 

Voldemort looked down at his hand again. "Should I continue," with a pause, "Sir?" 

Remus stayed silent, his eyes watching, learning, yet suspicious. 

"Your mother called your father, Tiny Tee. Not because he was small or short, but she thought since her nickname was a small bee, he should be tiny enough for her to match." Voldemort smiled faintly, but his face became dark once again. "Your father was nothing. Well, nothing…in the eyes of _her_ father. Not suitable enough for his precious daughter. Next thing I am going to tell you will sound quiet romantic to little girls and young men……like you. Beatrice ran away with your father and married him." There was a definite smile on Voldemort's face. He didn't look so inhuman, in front of Remus, didn't look so evil or dark. 

_Watch yourself, Remus, he may be playing with your mind._

"They had lived in a secluded area, away from wizarding world as matter of fact. They should have known that it had charming advantage such as not be bothered by anyone, but also deadly risk. 

"You see, Remus, they didn't want to be found by anyone, but that also meant they wouldn't be able to reach others as quick as you wanted to in certain devastating situation." His face was dark again, the mask of evil (or was it anger?) returning to his face. 

"You were barely four." Voldemort's usual face was back in control now. "Barely old enough to be called a child. Do you remember the night?" 

Remus reached for his memory that was not there. "No, but I have a feeling you will tell me." He said evenly, interested, yet distrustful. 

With a bitter laugh, Voldemort met Remus' eyes. "Ten points to Gryffindors. I think I rather tell you that story another time. Don't you wonder _why_ I wanted you here?" 

"A thought crossed my mind once or twice, yes." 

Voldemort leaned against his chair, waiting... 

"Why?" Remus asked calmly, "How did you know my parents?" His face paled suddenly when a thought came to him. "Did-did you killed them?" 

Voldemort only smiled faintly at him. 

"Did you?!" Remus asked again, louder this time. "I swear to Merlin, I will-" 

"Kill me? You are brave one, sir," he leaned back in his chair, "Tell me, sir, what do you think about the Ministry of Magic? Or M&M as I called them." 

Remus felt his face flushed with reds, angered by his question answered by another question. _Word games_. Determined not to be over powered by the dark wizard, he answered the challenge. 

"I think they are doing a great job so far. Only thing I have to say that is lacking is a need of more aurors to track the death eaters down." 

Contrary to what Remus had always thought Lord Voldemort's laughter would sound like, something evil and dark, he heard something that reminded him of someone familiar and comforting, someone like Mr. Stafford for strange reason. 

"You have your father's trait, too. I can see it clearly in your eyes." 

Remus silently brooded over his remark, how dare he talk about his father as if he was his father's friend? 

"They are the one who took you away from your parents, they are the one who would shun you for being a werewolf and won't even hire you as an auror, even though you exceed their requirements far more. Now tell me, do you really believe the Ministry of Magic is oh so great?" 

"The Ministry of Magic has its flaws. Not every systems are perfect-" 

"Still defending old fools and bamboozles. You have a flaw of hint of your grandfather's blood running inside of you." 

"If you brought me here to hire me as one of your death eaters, then you can just sod off. You can kill me, if you so desire, but I will never serve you!" Remus said through his clenched teeth. 

"The heart of true devotee to the Ministry, aren't you, sir?" Voldemort scoffed. "I could have killed you whenever I desire, you should never forget that! Never underestimate your enemy, sir. 

"The reason, you were alone at the dead of the night in the library, was to look for answers to your past. Would you be here, if the Ministry offer the information openly to you? Going through the Secret Files unknown to your employer? My, my, what would they say if they knew a werewolf was breaking the law…they would have thrown you into Azkaban quicker than you could have breathe. First, they took you away from your family, from your loving mother, then they move you to the-the-" 

Voldemort took a deep breath, "They killed your mother. They killed her." 

He snapped his finger. Letting the harsh and short sound ring out the room. 

"Your father…….also…… died at the moment……. she died." Voldemort said slow and deliberately, as if he wanted to see what his words would do to Remus. 

"They took you away……. and killed your family…...

"Didn't you ever wonder why your parents never came for you? Why the Ministry would never reveal your past?" 

Countless nights and dreams… 

"The guilty ones need to cover up their tracks, don't they? 

"Now, can you look me in the eye and tell me you will die for the Ministry? They are your true dark wizards, sir. Who are you fighting for? For your ENEMIES? THE MURDERERS!?" 

"NO, YOU ARE THE-" 

"I AM OPENING YOUR EYES, SIR!!!" His fist hit his desk with such a force that Remus felt the tremor under him. Voldemort rose from his seat slowly, displaying his powerful presence once again. The silence spoke louder than anything in that room. Two men stared at each other, weighing other's power. 

Remus whispered his words, calming himself, removing himself from the erotic and seductive power of hate that tried to escape from the core of his soul. _Never give in to him. _"You have to stop-" 

"Open your eyes! See the true killers, see the true parasites that suck the marrows of everyone's misery and grow more powerful each time, each one they kill and destroy. Open your eyes, SIR! For god's sake! Remember!

"You don't have to believe my word, but I know you know the truth in your heart, Remus Jeremiah Riddle!" 

Voldemort halted in surprise as his word left his mouth, but not as surprise as Remus. When the name hit him, it hit him face on. They stood and stared each other in utter silence, until Remus realized the truth of it all. He wanted to deny his words, his lies, but somehow he began to believe him until he felt the familiar effect of the over bearable veiling of his consciousness. He heard Voldemort's cry, "Breathe!" the last before he gave in to the familiar darkness that was somehow felt more comforting than before. 

**Remus Lupin:**

Riddle. Riddle. Riddle. How could I be a Riddle? Yet, I knew my last name had been changed under Anna's care. How could I believe him? He was Voldemort! He lies! He lies! He lies! 

"You lie, I don't believe you. I don't believe you. Why are you doing this? If you think I will join you, you must think me mad!" 

I heard his sighs, "You still do not listen to your own heart, Jere-…Remus. Listen to what they are telling you. For a heart would never lie to you, unlike one's head. You have been cast a memory charm, so strong, even I wouldn't be able to lift that cloud off your head. Don't you see? Your condition is a way to block you from the truth." 

I stayed in curled up position without moving, not even changing my breathing patterns. Without even looking up, "Why didn't you come for me before? Why did you…why now?" I whispered to my supposed………….father. 

"I did. I tried many times. I wanted to. I wanted revenge, I wanted to revenge your mother's killers first. I wanted those bloody wreckers to pay what had been overdue for a long time. Especially your grandfather, the man who truly killed your mother." 

I closed my eyes, feeling overwhelmed. I told myself, I still can't trust him. 

"It wasn't until my power was strong enough to bring in followers, I learned of your whereabouts, but by then, it was too late. You were already in Hogwarts…" He paused, then continued, "Do you remember your second year? The incident with a Zwarthoed?" 

"A Zwarthoed?" 

"Yes, if only Zed had succeed in bring you to me that night-" 

I turned around quickly to face him, "The kitchen! The beast with the wings…it was _yours_?" 

How could I forget? I had almost knocked unconscious by the Willow as I had ran blindly for the cover. And it was also the night; I became one of the packs with the Gryffindors, with Peter, James and Sirius. How could I forget? An attack from the unknown…Voldemort went on, "If only I had done the job myself back then…I was fool to believe Kurtz for so long. And I am sure you do remember the night of the Yule Ball?" 

My god….the attack…it had been done all for me… I had begun to remember bits and pieces of that night, and only a year ago I had remembered the death eaters chasing Snape and I through the burning hall. They were chasing us, no me. They were there to get me. 

"Foolish! Foolish sods!" Voldemort began to pace, "I had told them to be discreet, and after they had taken you safely, I commend them to leave the body of DuMaurie. They failed me of course, thanks to Mr. Snape's resilient running I hear.

"I finally went to Hogwarts myself. Just once…to see you...then to bring you home with me, it was your 7th year. (Note: check out Turth: Dreamer of Dreams) That's when I learned of your narcolepsy. You were walking back to your dorm with your friend, and I heard you." He sighed again. "I was going to take you away then, but…I knew you needed your friends more...and I couldn't stay long." 

"Because of Headmaster." I said. 

"Yes." He answered coldly. 

"Efrem Kurtz..." I whispered the name that was signed in the letter to Vincent Benjamin Lupin, Voldemort's right hand man. "He was your spy…. for me?" 

"Kurtz," Voldemort repeated the name, "that worm." He grumbled, "He was the one of them, who took you away from your mother. Later, he became one of my servants, of course, he didn't realize who I had been. He had dealt with too many parents of werewolves to really remember one of many. But when he came to me, I remembered him at once. How could I forget his swaggering walks as he took you from us. 

"He knew you were my weakness. He knew you were precious to me. After years of climbing the ranks among the death eaters, and after years of failing to deliver you to me, I had had enough." 

"_You_ killed him…"

"He wanted _you_ dead by the end. He was paranoid that he would lose his power, and he came up with an absurd idea that you were the demise of me. He claimed the Dark Ages prophesized it. I would have laughed at his lies, if the situation has been any lighter. But he didn't know that I was your father. The same blood runs through me as it does yours." 

I slowly set up from the position, and looked back at the figure of a man I had feared for a decade and also longed to find for so long. I remembered my father's smell when I was young. Looking at the man who became you-know-who, I felt mixture of emotions toward him. 

"You killed your own father." My voice didn't accuse Voldemort, it was simply stated, as a fact. 

"He deserved what he got." 

"You killed all those people, innocent people." I stated again, as if it was just scores of a Quidditch team. "Did you deny killing Mr. Stafford?" My breathing getting heaviler. 

"No." 

"Some must be sacrificed in order to achieve greater good." 

"And what is that?" I blinked away my tears, "He did nothing but showed me kindness! Why did you have to kill him! Why!" 

"There are things you don't understand. In time you will." 

"Don't you think you have avenge her death long enough?" 

"As long as the Ministry of Magic subsists, as long as your other grandfather lives, as long as my enemies persevere, I would never stop th-" 

"I had my doubts and loyalties to the Ministry many, many times. But I would never take another life in order to avenge what had happen to me or to my family. I have already forgiven them, why can't you?" 

"You do not know what had been done! Those blue blooded self-righteous hoodwinks! What rights do they have to tear one's family? What right do they have against other creatures? I will bring them down." Voldemort stated icily. 

"The hate will drive you crazy. There is nothing powerful enough to satisfy hate, even if you kill everyone, avenge your hate and change the world, you will never be satisfied. You will kill everyone including yourself in the end." I said with the desperation, I wanted to save him, save him from his own doom. 

"Under my rule, the werewolves would be treated respectfully and equally, you would be treated as you are deserved to be treated. Nobody will lose their family because they became a dark creature. No one has the right to tear the family apart! If dark arts are only way to change the world, then so be it." 

"Your death eaters are doing the exact same things, worse things to people than what the Ministry had done to anyone. You said you want to change the system, but you are terrifying the people. The dark arts will consume you. Their powers are not only used by you, but they will also use you in the process." 

"They bring you powers, Remus. They could bring you the world, bring you pleasures, eternity, your deepest desires; they could even bring back the deads….if you are strong enough.

"They could even cure you, Remus. There has to be a way around lycanthropy, and my followers are working on it as we speak. Don't you ever want to look at the face of Full Moon, and walk under the its powerful light as you used to, when you were little? Join me, I could make it all happen. It is the dark art that made your narcolepsy disappear. Can't you feel it, Remus? You are no longer narcoleptic. With a spell, your condition is simply gone, disappeared as if it had never been. You would never have to be taken advantage of or fear of what's to come. Join me.

"Join your father." 

I sighed and closed my eyes, when I opened them again, Voldemort sat in front with a hand stretch toward me. 

"I..." I whispered as I looked back at Voldemort. "I don't believe you, sir." 

"What?" Voldemort lowered his hand slightly.

"I don't believe you." I said slowly yet surely this time. "If you could bring back the deads, you would have brought my mother as soon as you could. But you did not. Why? You choose to kill, their bloods are on your hand, even her blood. Do you think she wants you to do this? No.

"No. I don't want join you. Never. You were my father when you were Thomas Riddle, when you were her Tiny Tee, but my father died when you became Voldemort. Do you understand me? My father's gone." 

"NO! I won't have you deny me!" he took me by shoulder, his grips were painfully strong, "I am your father…I have done everything I did for you. FOR YOU. Everything I had done was for the love of you. It was all for love."

tbc


	15. DROWNING SECRETS

I am back! I was busy with my finals and graduation and what not. Now it's officially summer break!

Jaderising

Summary: Baby, slap, nose bleed, time, Peter, Blood, laugh, Voldemort, and ooooh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Chapter 15: Drowning Secrets**

Year 1980 Sirius Black: 

"Where were you?" I asked him as he came home.  He looked terrible, but I reminded myself that I was angry, angry at him especially. And drunk. Very drunk, indeed. I had been celebrating with James and Peter. "Where were you?" I asked again. He stared at me as if I had asked the oddest thing. That made me angry. Well, angrier. 

_Where did you go again?_ I asked him silently._ Where did you without telling me again? What is going on? What the hell is going on with you?_

"Work, sorry Sirius, I didn't call." He mumbled his lies. He wasn't in the library, when I had apparated to fetch him nine, no ten hours ago. 

"Did you know that you are the most irresponsible man I have ever known!  You've just become an uncle to little Harry!  You've missed everything!  Lily was furious! James was furious! And I was...Merlin...I... And-and you were not there!" 

He was staring at me without a response. As if I wasn't really there at all He was ignoring me again. I remembered how he used to not see me when we were in our first year. He had ignored me completely back then. I had never been ignored, and he ignored me. And he was doing it again. That made me really really pissed off. Drunk and pissed off, never good. 

"What the hell is wrong with you!" I shouted at him, and he didn't even flinch at the sound. He was just not there. 

I raised my hand without thinking. 

Remus Lupin: 

My head snapped back, and I fell slumped, stunned.  That was the first time Sirius had slapped me. He had never raised his hand against me, even in our first year in Hogwarts. I remembered his cold shoulders and taunting very well, but he had never…ever… Of course, he was capable of many things, such as almost making the killer of me, but… 

I had been very tired. Frankly, I had felt as if I were nearly dead. 

It had been only a moment ago, I had left the library.  After transported back from the safe house of you-know… I didn't know what I was feeling, really. I think I was in shock. Yes, in shock, and it was Sirius who had literally slapped me back to the reality. 

I could feel my eyes tearing up, not from the slap, but from the devastating truth of it all. I was fighting to accept it, while I was there with…him.  I had truly did not believe in my heart, but after I had left him, it was sinking in. Rapidly. And it was dragging me down. Drowning… And it shattered my existence. 

I was the son of Voldemort. I was the son of the most feared killer. I was the son of the killer of all those families. And oh Merlin, James and Sirius's family…and it was Sirius, who stood before me, with those accusing blue eyes. As if he already knew I was the guilty one. I was guilty of all those crimes.  It had all begun because of my carelessness. If only, I had not been wondering that night! 

I struggled to breath…drowning…falling… It was different than my narcoleptic attacks, which I would never have again. This felt more desperate, confusing, urgent. I couldn't see. It was a blur. 

"Oh Merlin, Remus."  That was all Sirius said (and it was all it took to bring me back), when he saw that I was crying. He was sorry of course. He must have thought that I was crying because he had slapped me, but I wasn't.  I didn't even feel his slap compare to what I had already been feeling. 

I let Sirius clean me up. It was least I could do.  He was feel guilty and it made him feel better that he was in charge of patching things up with me. I didn't even notice the blood that had trickled down from my nose, until Sirius was wiping it clean with a handkerchief. I was so tired. My body felt not like my own. As if I was out of my body, can't feel my own bloody body, yet trapped inside it. I don't know if I could explain it very well. 

I just stared at him, working so attentively with guilty face. I didn't feel any resentment toward him. If he had only known, he would have killed me. Of course, I wouldn't feel any resentment toward him for slapping me. I knew I deserved much worst. Much much worst. 

Finally, Sirius felt satisfied with fixing my nose bleed, and he said, "What I did was wrong, Remus. I-I was just…I wasn't thinking. I am so stressed lately. I can't think straight. The Ireland was brutal. And I had to come back early, when James owled me about…Lily and the labor. And you weren't here, and I called the library, and you weren't there either. I guess I was just scared. I love you. You know that. You know that, Remus." He was looking at me. I could feel his eyes begging to be acknowledged. And of course, I knew he loved me. I nodded, "Yes." 

Satisfied with the answer he went on, "I thought maybe something had happened to you. I thought I don't know what I was thinking. But I do know this, Remus. I do everything because I love you. And that's the honest to Merlin truth." 

Sirius was rambling on again, but I didn't really hear him after that. I felt sick. Physically sick to my stomach. His voice and words somehow became Voldemort's voice and words. And didn't matter how much I tried to shake out of the trance. 

Voldemort was trembling around me, his arms were tightening as if he never wanted to let go of me. And I did believe his reason. How could I hate him now. How could I call him a monster and the evil wizard, when all he did was for me. 

But join him? 

How could I do that to myself, Mr. Stafford, Professor Dumbledore, my friends… How could I? 

He understood my turmoil as only a father could. He stared back at me with those strong eyes and gave me time, the time I wished was never given to me. 

"You are my heir; my blood; you are my son, and nothing you can do will change that. Nothing anyone can do. You have endured prejudices and persecutions because of who you are and what you are from the very people, who you wanted to protect with your very own life.

I was an orphan, Remus, and I know the life of loneliness and being an outsider just like you.  My father was a bastard and the scum of all. He had abandoned my mother and me to the wolves. The wizardling world is never too kind to an unmarried witch. She was shunned from her family and she was shunned from the others.  She died shortly after I was born. It was in my seventh year when I found out the reason why.

"She had died from the lack of proper nutrition. She had been starving to death for six months of her life." 

Voldemort took in a deep breath, calming himself. "Nobody had a thought to give basic food to my mother. I never got to know her, because nobody cared for her. Nobody.

I've told myself, my own son would never go through what I have been through. But the fate has been too cruel to me.

Ministry has dark history, Remus, you must know. You are no longer a child, you must have realized the unpleasant reality of real world. Ministry is a failure. It couldn't even help a hungry witch. Ministry should have helped her, cared for someone like her, a helpless one. She was a pure blooded. She was the heir of Slytherin. She should have lived. But Ministry could care less.

What I have done was wrong in the eyes of the Ministry, but how dare they judge what I have done. They have killed so many others by other means.  They have tore many families apart in the name of good and justice. Everything I have done was needed and will be justified in due time, Remus, I promise you that. In order to change the system has to be the first to go.

The history was written by the conquerors. You can't judge what I have done. It's nothing different from Alexander the Great or Zingiskhan. People hail them now as the greatest warriors. What do you think they have done that was so great? They were the killers of massive people and enslaved thousands. But they are known as the warriors.

You, my son, have to know the truth of it all. You have to realize nothing in this world is what is seems. You are the epitome of that."

"You won't betray me, that I know in my heart. You are confused. You have been living in that system for so long, you don't really see the truth of injustice by Ministry. Thirty days, Remus. You will hear from me again.

"If I was wrong and you would stand against me…I would not hesitate…to kill. This is not about you or me anymore. This has become bigger than my revenge. It has left my control and has spread. There are many of those who support the idea, and it will build. You can count on that, it will spread and the system will fall. And nobody will stand in that way. Not even you." 

Voldemort was right on one thing for sure, I didn't betray him. I didn't tell anyone of our meeting. Nor did I revealed my past, Efrem Kurtz, and Anna Lupin.  Not to Dumbledore, James, Peter. 

Not even Sirius knew. I could have told him on the night of Harry's birthday, but…nothing was said. Sirius and I went back to bed and he fell asleep in my arms. 

And not to Lily. I just couldn't.  She just had a baby. Oh sweet baby Harry. I've got to meet him the next day. I had never held a baby before. And he didn't shy away from my touch. He had smiled. For me. And everyone had went ga-ga over his smile. It was very happy day. Harry would be the closest thing I would have as a son, and I felt the pain of giving Harry back to James. I wanted to hold him longer, even I knew that was just silly hormone talking. And I knew that was only a fraction of what my parents had felt about me. 

I knew the right thing to do was reveal the location and time of our next meeting. Then Voldemort would have been caught and the nightmare would have been over. But a doubt had planted a seed in me. He was right about Ministry not being perfect, as I have said. Ministry had faults, many of them. What if…what if he was right about the new system, and all the supporters, like…werewolves. 

Peter Pettigrew: 

My lord summoned me. I had been dreading his question for weeks. Ever since I became a death eater, I climbed the rank fast. I had been a spy, spying on the aurors and revealing their defense and locations. Nobody would suspect me. 

I mean who would ever believe that the little Petesy could be so deadly? 

Nobody cared about the little guys like me. The ministry could care less whether I was dead or not. They just needed the body to make up the losses. If it hadn't been for James, I probably been stuck in the dead end filing job at the Ministry.  Lord Voldemort was different. He knew my abilities and he valued them. 

Lord Voldemort had been increasingly agitated, and under his mood, he wanted to hear about my best friends while he rested. I've never endangered my friends, James and Sirius, if I could, but there had been some close calls. I had been able to shield them as best as I could in the past. I knew of his crusade for the werewolves, for many of underground spies and supporters were. I felt safe enough to tell him of Remus.  Of course, I never really went into details. Of our adventures or anything like that had happened in Hogwarts, but of how Dumbledore had hired a werewolf as his aid, which I allured that Dumbledore might be trying to gain werewolves supporters. 

This made my statue among the death eaters very high indeed. He had asked me to many private meetings to ask me things, which was considered the privileges in the ranks of death eaters. Not even Malfoy had that many private meetings. And now this time, I knew what he wanted to know, for he had command me the list of names last time we had met. 

"Wormtail," Lord Voldemort said, "Who are the Order of Phoenix?" 

Severus Snape: 

Voldemort never forgot about our little project he had bestowed upon me years ago.  He always inquired upon the process, and I always gave him a shake and regretful gaze. The wolfsbane potion was proving to be difficult.  Even with all the resources available to me by Voldemort, it was a mixture of complex equation and balance and all the other theories meshed into one. 

Of course, after the graduation, my contact with Lupin had all but ceased, until now. Through Dumbledore, I've learned of all the member of Order of Pheonix, and one name in particular was very easy to track down. I needed to see him. And when I did find the spare time, I did. 

I watched his usual slumped form, studying over piles of papers in front of him, and it reminded me of our first year in Hogwarts.  The memory was bitter sweet, and I grimly stepped out in front of him. 

I watched as his pretty eyes widened in my sudden appearance.  Before any word could be uttered I brought a silver coin from my pocket and held it out in front of his tired face.  His eyes studied my hand that held the coin, and he wordlessly took it into his hand.  His golden eyes unquestioning my motive, so trusting yet something was different.  Maybe it was the light of the dark room, or maybe it was because we all had changed somehow.   I didn't know. 

Our cold hands touched briefly, maybe a fraction of a second, but that was enough to send the electricity through my cold body, warming it thoroughly. So it was like we had never left Hogwarts, really.  Remus cleared the long table, and he got up.  He lifted his sleeve up to reveal his pale arm, and I stuck a needle into his vain.  We both knew the routine so well, that no word was needed. 

It was only until his weak shake on my arm, I realized that I had been lost in my memory.  His bewitching eyes were watching me, but they didn't focus on my own eyes, but rather on my wrist. The mark.  He stared at my mark.  I quickly let my sleeve fall to cover it. 

"Snape…" He said softly without fear, without disgust, as if he understood the reason why I was a death eater. 

 "Forget you saw that, Lupin."  I said harshly, feeling a bit exposed and another odd feeling, shame, regret.  I had never felt regret before.  I was of Proud Snapes. Luther Snape was my father and his blood ran in my vain just as Marianne Snape's blood.  As much as I detested his legacy, I was after all, his son, who inherited his gift in potions. 

Then why do I feel such a thing? 

Shame, yes, but never a regret. Did my mother felt regret at all? For marrying my father? When he stood before her, in her final days? Did she regret even meeting my father? Giving birth to his heir? 

"Why?"  he asked tentatively, breaking my train of thoughts. 

"WHY?" I bellowed at him, feeling suddenly angry. I stood tall in front of him, letting my shadow cover his lying form. And I simply lost it. I let my hand fly. 

I didn't know the answers.  I simple didn't know why I felt guilty, I didn't know why I joined to be one of them, I didn't know why I liked Remus Bloody Lupin.  I simply didn't have all the answers. I didn't know why killed so many innocent people.  I didn't know why I let my father kill my mother.  I simply didn't know, period. 

Finally, I fell on top of his heaving chest, crying. 

"I don't know," I said at last, my head close to his thumping heart.  I stiffened when I felt his hand on my head. 

"I guess I asked the wrong question," he said laughing a bit, wiping his blood from his lips with his dark robe sleeve. 

And I laughed and laughed with him.  He was comforting me, his abuser, his beater.  When finally my laughter ceased, I realized what it had meant.  "I guess you now know my secret, Lupin," my body still on top of his.  "What are you going to do?"  I felt his hand patting my back, and I looked up.  His eyes were closed.  "Lupin?" 

"Your secret," he said.  "I won't tell anyone, I swear it, Snape." His voice was grave yet determined. 

"Do you swear on your grave?" I asked childishly. 

"I swear on Mr. Stafford's," he said as his eyes meeting mine, and I knew he would keep his promise. 

"I won't tell anyone about your secret either, Lupin. And I swear on my mother's." I stood shakily, and as almost an after thought I added, "I won't come to see you again, you don't need to worry about me coming after you."  After pulling him up to a sitting position, I came to realize how thin he truly was. As if he had starved for many months. I took his left hand with my right hand, as I sat down next to him on the table. 

"How do we come to this?" I asked softly. I watched the neat stock of papers and files on the floor, which he had been working undoubtly for Dumbledore and Order of Phoenix.  We were enemies, for he didn't know I was a spy. Yet he was willing to let me go. Let me go back to Voldemort, and did not stop me. 

He said nothing to my question. I didn't expect him to answer. I could sense his unrest. Actually, I felt as if I could see his unrest. As if I could see his inner aura, just as I had the morning after the attack. Maybe it was time for me to go. 

"There is a spy among you."  I didn't look to my right, for I knew he was starring back at me.  "Someone close. I am afraid you-know-who wants the Order of Phoenix." I could feel his tension.  I could see his…pain.  Too many innocence had died. Too many children. How many more would it be enough?  The Order was the only secret force that had effectively disabled many of Death Eaters attacks for last few months, and the words had it, Voldemort had taken a keen interest in their members. 

"That's all I know for sure." I concluded truthfully. "Take care, Lupin," with that I disapparated. 

Remus never asked why I came to him, but he and I both knew I did not come for drawing his blood.  In a weird Snape way, I supposed, I was there to undo what I had done in the past, and let him know that I no longer held him hostage of his secret.

Lord Voldemort: 

Wormtail gave me all the names of course, and I knew who to go after next.

I remember Harold Potter. The name I will never forget. I remember everything. I remembered his swaggering steps, superior mannerisms and how he had declared my son a "beast" and "dark creature", and worst of all, how he had tore my son away from his pleading mother. He was one of four Ministry officers that came into my home sixteen years ago. My son had been only a baby. Barely four years old. He was so young. And they had snatched him from me. They had killed my love. They had killed me as well. Out of all of them, only one had died of natural cause. Their death will not be the end of their punishments. Their wives, children and their children. They will all suffer as I have suffered for the sins of their fathers. 

Jeremy Longbottom. His son in the mental wing with his wife, and his grandson nearly brain damaged. 

Frank Lupin. His only son, Vincent, killed as well. Burned alive. Very fitting way to go for the son of the killer. Too bad Frank was already dead when that was ordered. Letting his wife live in long lasting pain was only fair.

Efrem Kurtz. The worm, who didn't have any family, was affectively disembodied slowly. With his heart still beating when torn from its body. I hoped he lived long enough to feel how the body felt without his heart.

And lastly but not the least, Harold Potter. The head of Dark Creature Control Department (DCCD). The person who had been in everyway responsible for the experiment on my son and the death of my wife.  His son, James Harold Potter, who has a young son of his own.  I have delayed on Potters long enough for the sake of Remus. I should have killed his son in that 7th year, while he was still alive.

tbc

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Whoa, okay, that's my take on why Voldemort wanted to kill Harry Potter. And why Dumbledore didn't tell Harry about it in the end of the Book 1. I am hoping to read all about the real version in Book 5! Just waiting for the day to come.

eccentric mind: Less confusing now?

Eggo: Glad to have you back! I will try to update it ASAP 

Ananya: Glad to have you as a reader. And finally gave me a comment, eh? Hope you will be my reader for the future.

Mandy: welcome! new reader right? There was 15 chapters because the first chapter was the prologue, and later I meshed the prologue with the chapter 1 to fit the chapters appropriately.

remember to leave me something. Anything! even if it were to say "oooo".


	16. IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER

Enjoy everyone! This chapter, we see more back history. Yes, it's a history lesson time!

Don't confuse Dark Ages with Lost Ages. Lost Ages are the unknown time before the recorded wizardling time. So it's like way back in the BC era. It's the era where animals and gods ruled the world. Kind of fantasy really.

Dark Age will be explained in this chapter, but they are like the mild stone for bad events in wizardling history.

I dedicate this chapter to the reviewers. Also I am working on my own web site, so stay tune for that.

Jaderising

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Chapter 16: In the Name of the Father

**Year 1980-1981**

Remus Lupin:

I saw him again, exactly thirty days later. It was August 31st 1980.

I felt his presence before he even breathed in the same air. His face was as I've remembered, his strong eyes and firm lips, straight nose and dark hair. His hair was dark, not a single gray hair. He looked remarkably fit for his age. He had the presence of a general, the general who commanded one's respect and authority. It was not the face of mad power hungry man the Daily Prophet had portrayed him to be. He looked regal. He looked brave.

Even the air shifted, when he was present. That how I knew he was there. I could feel the power resonating from him. I dropped the paper I was working on to the table, and stood shakily, facing him. My left hand shook slightly, my wand hand. 

I wasn't afraid of him. 

I was afraid of myself. Of what I might do. Of my answer.

"Tell me your answer," he didn't make small talk or nice greeting. He cut into the business at hand. His eyes focused on me. His wand neatly tucked into his strap. I wasn't afraid of him, for I wasn't afraid of facing death. Remember, I had already face death and had survived. I had known the worst of pains since I was young, and I wasn't concern about the pain of death.

"Will you join your father?" he asked evenly, "Will you help me rebuild the paradise?"

Paradise. It was an ironic word choice for his regime of terror and death. 

Yet…

The prosecution against so called dark beasts in history was terrible, horrible and deathly. So many innocent people, dubbed the lost children of New Dark Age, were killed and imprisoned under the Ministry Rules. Most muggles remember WWII with the horror of Holocaust. Most wizards remember our last wizardling war called New Dark Age with the horror of Lost Children. The terms, Dark Ages were marked to represent the period of wizardling wars or events that were not the best of our history. Many historians have argued over the recent years that the Lost Ages should be marked with their own events of Dark Ages. For example, the persecution of Green Goblin by the coming of age Wizards, or the so called the _year de horribles_, when the term _werewolf_ was created. But that's the on going debate for the scholars.

Our last war, not counting the present one against the Death Eaters, was called the New Dark Age, which was in late 18th century. For many years, centuries in fact, the dark beasts were controlled strictly. However, the New Dark Age occurred, when the group of vampires were captured and burned to death by the local wizards in Transylvania, whom believed the death of their cows to be the fault of the vampires. In fact, it was proven much later that it was the fault of a plague that makes the victim look as if he was drained of blood. After their death, the other vampires killings increased almost four hundred times all over the world. The Ministry had feared that they were much more organized and deathly than they had previously thought.

The things escalated when a lone Giant in Spain was stoned to death in the charge that the she had killed their local man. The call for giant control was in rage, and it had alienated many giants who had feared for their lives. Only few days after the vampire incident, the giants struck and decimated a small village.

The fear called for violence, and the violence called for war. Many of innocent people died. 

Many wizards called for the effective control over all the dark beasts, and they were all captured and brought to a make shift prison camp. Goblins, giants, vampires, werewolves, ghouls, you name it, they were there. Even the Fairies were accused of kidnapping children during the night, and they were not even considered dark beast before. The prisoners were called the Lost Children, because most of the them were children and young adults. They were turned in by their parents, families, friends, etc.

The New Dark Age ended with the victory for the Ministry after eleven years. Giants were all but disappeared into the deep mountains, and the vampires were all but gone. One historian argued that the modern vampires were created by a lone survivor, Marius, from that era. But that's again for the scholars to prove. Werewolves survived through hiding and running. The others, same story. And Fairies became a myth to tell children. Remember Tooth Fairies? Nobody has seen them in centuries. Now the parents are the one who takes the tooth away and leave the gold coin.

The prisoners?

All the prisoners were killed, or controlled as one textbook stated. They were called the Lost Children, because no prisoners lived. Their stories were hidden until this century. Unlike muggles, the wizards live long, hence the horrible events were in the dark for so long as well. After the death of Minister of History, the hidden documents were revealed. Their names, ages and species. And their dates of death.

It was a big scandal to horrors of many.

Of course, the Ministry has changed their policies over time since then, but did they really? There is no vampire relief organization to provide blood daily for the vampires. Nothing for the giant either. There is no dark beast work organization. 

Of course there is a law that states the discriminating against anyone because of his/her affliction is morally and ethically banned. But no one takes the law seriously. It's hard to prove one's case against the court for the dark beast discrimination, when the person wants to keep his/her affliction quiet and in secret.

Will I join the one who will bring the system down? Will I join my kind?

It was no secret that many werewolves were joining the underground resistance against the Ministry. They believed in the new world, the paradise, where they no long had to hide in fear.

Yet…

What of muggles? What of half breeds? Wouldn't the new world be same, cruel and unjust as this one is to our kind?

It was a cycle. Going around and around. Hate calling for hate. Violence answered by violence. Revenge upon revenge.

"The answer," I told him, "The answer is…" I was losing my conviction. My voice trembled as my hands began to shake again. It was a hard decision. I wanted to believe what I was doing was right. What I had stood for was right, but there was truth to what Voldemort said about the Ministry of Magic. It was not as perfect as I said it was. 

It never was. 

But Mr. Stafford told me long ago that a man has to keep his promise to be a man. It is his choice to make or break. I had made my choice what seems like a life time ago, when I returned to Hogwarts, to Sirius from San. 

My beautiful San, my kind. I had made my choice to be a man. I was not a beast. I am a man. And I need to help the others see that, without violence, without blood shed. My friends did. They saw me as a man. And I believe the others could too, if they had only know more. The ignorance and fear drives the hate. If the others can only see that we do not mean harm, that we are not a dark beast… I had made my promise to the Ministry: To protect and serve until my dying day. 

And I will.

"The answer is no." He visually flinched at my word. "The Ministry will change. The people will change. I-I cannot join you, for you also stand for what was wrong with the current system." I took a deep breath. "You will persecute so many other helpless creatures in the names of reform and revenge. What of muggles? What would you do to them? Don't you see? It will be an endless unrest and war-" 

"But when the system is over thrown, there won't be any unrest or the war."

"Because you would have eliminated the problems? No muggles, no Ministry, no more revenge? You won't be satisfied. Your thirst for revenge won't be either. You won't bring her back. The revenge won't bring all those years back. She's gone. Don't you see?"

I knew that he didn't. But I had to try to convince him. 

"Hate will never win, father."

**Lord Voldemort:**

My heart constricted at his word. My anger and frustration melted away for a second. He had called me father. I had waited sixteen years to hear him say that to me again. 

His young voice used to ask me, "Father, father. Did you really talk to a snake?" His eyes eager and his little mouth open with glee. And usually, his mother would say, "Don't scare him with tall tales. He might even try to find a snake on his own. Don't give him ideas, Tom. I mean it. You know he loves animals." And I would usually wink and with hushed voice told him anyway. And Beatrice was right. He did love animals. He told me he had a friend on the moon. A bunny rabbit, he said. And it was on the bunny night that a beast bit my son.

Remus Jeremiah Riddle. 

My son. He had gone out, alone. Soviet Union was a cold country. Colder than when it was called Russia and now back again. His mother and I knew he was smart the moment he was born. The old midwife had cried in Russian with glee when she held my son. "Look," she said, "Look at your son."

"Why? Is something wrong with him?" I had asked anxiously, not really listening, but frantically checking his fingers and toes. "What's wrong with him, woman?"

"No, no." She cried and muttered, "Stupid English man. Does every man go stupid, when woman gives birth? Look at his eyes. They are open."

And so he had. A new born baby and he was already taking in his surroundings and studying them. "He has your eyes, Thomas," Beatrice said faintly, exhausted smile on her face. "Isn't he beautiful?"

Yes, he was. He was beautiful like his mother. His bone was delicately lined, his hair was baby blonde, which I was sure would darken with age. However when I met his eyes, they were my eyes, they were my mother's eyes. "Hello," I whispered, giving my finger for him to hold on to. "Hello, Remus. I am your father." He had acknowledged me, because he started to cry. Again after another frantic scolding from the midwife, I was able to calm down enough to see it was natural. 

Remus was smart. His magic, strong. He could make things, sounds, when he was still a baby. And when he was four years old, he was smart enough to dress warm before going outside in the freezing temperature of the full moon night. His layers of clothes had been the only thing that had saved him from death. 

That and his scream.

The ghost of his scream could still be heard in my mind. That and his mother's dying wish. 

I knew I should have gotten him out of that school when I had the chance, and now he is far too brainwashed with the system and people. I hoped to he would see the light of my effort. I had gotten him to acknowledge his identity. I know that I was getting to his layered resistance, build up by his years living with the enemies. All I needed was a little more time, and he would understand, he will know and he will support my new world. 

All he needed was a little push.

I said, "_Imperio_."

Lily Evans:

One by one, the member of the Order of Phoenix fell. Their bodies mangled without recognition, drowned with their bodies burnt, survived without their minds. It was terrible. The joy of Harry's birth lasted only a week. The month of August was the most horrible of all the months we had suffered.

My own father passed away with sudden heart failure, followed closely by my sweet mother, who never woke up from the shock. Yes, the month of August was dark. I hated the sun, for how strong it shown brightly, when the life was so dark and utterly hopeless. I didn't notice any changes in Remus, for I was preoccupied by the new addition to our small family. 

The year 1981 came by so quickly. The world that we had grown up was falling apart. James was always away, as did Sirius and Peter. I wished I could say I saw Remus, but he was gone too. When I did see him, he seemed troubled. If I had the mind to think properly, I would have known instantly that something was wrong. Very, very wrong. 

Peter Pettigrew:

The rumor had it, the dark lord had a werewolf for a spy in England. I am not sure if it was a made up propaganda for the other werewolves to feel important or was true. Dark lord had many safe houses around the world and many more spies, which means not even a top ranking death eater like me would know the truth from the rumor.

As an auror, I was assigned with Daniel Jones in Ireland. Close to James and Sirius, but not too close. We would see each other time to time at the local pub like we used to, and drink butter beers to remember the better days. Only missing member of the marauders was Remus the Red face Lupin, but Daniel Jones was there, and that was that.

Beside, Sirius was not too keen on talking about Remus, judged by his mood whenever his name was mentioned. I do believe Sirius is thinking of spies. He told me so himself one night after drinking too much. Who would have thought, he of all people would think Remus was a spy? 

Remus, the honest to Merlin, Lupin? A spy? It's laughable. Remus would rather die than hurt any of us, that I know, for I have spied on Remus many times. If Dark Lord was interested in our dear werewolf friend, I would have known it first.

Sirius Black:

"Will you stop pacing? You are making me dizzy trying to see you properly." James grumbled, yet had a time to make funny faces toward his baby son, Harry.

"I can't help it. He should have been back by yesterday for sure. He promised me to be back to transform here by full moon. Where could he be? Russia? Switzerland? America? I don't even fucking know where he is!"

I kept on pacing to and fro in front of James. "What if he had never came home to transform for all these months? I had not had a chance to check on him since he decided to continue his obsession! He's looking for people, who might, I have to say _might _know about his past and _might_ know about his parents. It's waste of time, James. It's only going to make him suffer more. Why can't he accept his life as it is now? What good would it do to find his parents, when they had obviously had given up on him themselves? Why does he have to do this now? He could wait until things get better, and then I could come with him."

"Now, are you listening to yourself? You can't be with his side whenever he goes out. He knows how to take care of himself, you know? Besides you have said you were fine with it. It's been what? Four months?"

I kept on pacing the room as if I did not hear his remark.

"He has every right to search for his past, Padfoot. He was taken away from them for bitten by a werewolf. His parents did not give up on him, the Ministry took him away from loving family. I don't know what I would do if Harry was ever taken away from Lily and I." James bounced Harry to air, making Harry to laugh out in delight. "And besides, you are too bloody busy to be with him now let alone do anything else."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I stopped pacing and stood still. After Harry was borned, I was always there for Remus, it was him, who never seemed to be there. Last year, I had been assigned to Ireland for extensive period of time. I was gone until the year had passed, and Remus decided to begin his dangerous search.

"You know exactly what I mean." James stared right back at me.

Frustrated, I took Harry from James, and started to make faces at him. "I don't know what's going on with Remus anymore, James." I paused as I looked back at, "He used to send me owls every week, but now I hardly get to see him, let alone hear from him."

"But you are the one who's too busy to go visit him for past months, whenever he is home. Be reasonable, Sirius."

I sighed heavily, "It's not like I wanted to stay away from him. You know how important my…"

"Yes, yes, your work. I know all about your work. It's mine too, but I find the time to stay with Lily and Harry, don't I? Did Remus say anything about it? Wait, forget it."

I suddenly stopped the pacing, and sat down next to them. My voice suddenly urgent and dark. "Yesterday I found something…something regarding Remus." My voice got James's attention.

"What is it?"

"There _is_ a spy among us as Dumbledore said. Somebody close. Too bloody close in fact. And I can't help feeling that it could be someone we all love and trust."

Neither of us said anything. There were only sounds of Harry's baby coos. I slowly faced James to see his reaction. 

"You can't mean…y-y-you aren't serious about…" When James started to stutter, it meant he was angry. But I was brooding; my face was hooded in dark. "I found letters, documents, and all the things I don't really understand, because they are in some foreign language. But I can read names, James. The names. They were hidden under Moony's old school trunk." 

James stared at me with no emotion showing in his face. "I don't know if he really is going to places he really says he is going to. And you do know the risk he is taking. Everywhere he goes alone, he increases his chance for his encounters with death eaters. I know Moony. When he focuses on something, he doesn't see the negative effects. How can you be sure that he is not one of them? Imperius curse doesn't discriminate. Willingly or not, if he is…you…you can't risk that."

"I can't believe what you are saying about Remus. He's your…"

"I know what he is to me, but I am not so sure what I am to him. Or what you are to him. Or Lily, or Harry."

James took Harry back to his arms, cradling him gently. "I think you are paranoid and stressed out. I suggest you get some sleep. Other wise you will start accusing Peter of being one of them." James put Harry to his cradle, his voice disgusted. Caressing his son's messy hair, he said softly, "I know Remus. He would never, ever do anything to hurt anyone. You should know that, Sirius." James smiled bitterly, "If I fail to trust my best friends, then I should be as good as dead anyway." 

He turned around to see me with my coat, readied to leave. "Get some rest, Padfoot. It's nearly Halloween; we should enjoy some autumn weather with clear minds. And don't you dare tell this to Lily. She would have your head for ever thinking that. Oh, and don't try to come trick or treating at my house. I know you wouldn't be able to find it. If the charm works and all."

"It will work. And Prongs," I said as I opened the door, "You give bad candies. Have you heard of name brand?" With that I left the house.

"Only to you." James muttered with a grin.

**Remus Lupin:**

I feel strange. But I don't know why.

I feel content to just sit here, but I don't see why.

It feels like a dream, but it's not.

I need to wake up.

I don't know where I am, but I am not missing. 

No one's looking for me.

But someone's watching. 

My father.

I need to wake up.

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tbc....

review! review! review!

Rena: I like the idea that Voldie is Remy's dear old dad too. I hope Voldie is more likeable after this chapter. 

sugahcat: Really? everyone's in character? I am glad you think so! Too bad no Dumbledore or Snape's view on this chapter. I shall bring them back for next chapter.


	17. THINGS FALL APART

Note: Most of the chapter was written before reading The Order of Phoenix, and the turn of the things from the 5th book would not affect the story I don't think. Not that I didn't sob at the outcome of the 5th book. This fic has been AU, so nothing will really effect this story.  


Warning: Language and violence, etc. Don't flame me for Sirius's action, it had to happen in my fic for the plot. Also the Prophesy in this fic is from the Lost Ages, nothing to do with the 5th book plot.

  
  


Enjoy!  
  


  
  


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**Year 1981  
  
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**Chapter 17: Things Fall Apart  
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**Remus Lupin:  
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Under the Curse, I felt disconnected. I knew I was under the influence of Voldemort, but somehow I didn't know that either. It was like a dream in a sense. Sometime you knew you were dreaming, but other times you didn't know. I didn't know what I was doing. Everything seemed to be happening without my knowledge. My body wasn't under my control.   
  


  
  


I let a strange house elf change my clothes and feed me. I sit close by Voldemort as he talked. I wore the Death Eater's Mask in front of all the other Death Eaters. I was a puppet with Voldemort pulling all the right strings. Sometimes, I could fight it.   
  


  
  


I realized I was no longer in England. And my memory would tell me, how I bid farewells to my friends weeks ago. I even accompanied Voldemort to one of his raids on the government buildings. I even threw some curses inside the Department of Justice. I could not recall if any had been the unforgivable curses. Mostly, everything was a blur.  
  


  
  


And one day I escaped from Voldemort's compound. I had fought the curse and won. I had the control of my mind again. I had apparated into Sirius and my flat in London. Exhausted. I reached for the pot and I began to fill it with water. Abscend minded. I had to get the key to the Order of Phoenix I need it to contact everyone I had to warn them. My thoughts were jumbled and fast. I moved toward the fire place without turning off the water.   
  


  
  


And suddenly, I detected a movement from my right. I dropped the pot in surprise. The water spilled. "Where do you think you are going off to?" Sirius muttered with his wand in his right hand.  
  


  
  


"I have to go." I said just above whispering. I was already losing the control. Fight it, Remus. Fight it.  
  


  
  


"Why?" Sirius said with a hint of anger.  
  


  
  


Tell him. I have to tell him. Fight it, Remus. "I can't-" I choked on my words. I couldn't get my lips to form the words.  
  


  
  


"Tell me."  
  


  
  


I shook my head. I suddenly didn't know the answer to that. All I knew was I must.  
  


  
  


"Then tell me where you are going."  
  


  
  


I shook my head once again.  
  


  
  


"TELL ME, DAMN IT!" I flinched at his anger. I could feel it. I wanted to take his anger away. It wasn't good be angry. Why is he angry?  
  


  
  


Because of you.  
  


  
  


Who said that?  
  


  
  


You.  
  


  
  


Me.  
  


  
  


Then I realized I was not in control. I fought it. I have to tell Sirius. I have to tell him the truth.  
  


  
  


"USSR." I muttered out with all my strength. The curse was winning again. I can't control myself. I had to tell him everything. But as soon as I thought of it, I lost the grip I had on the reality.  
  


  
  


Sirius' eye darkened. "Why?"  
  


  
  


"Don't ask me that."  
  


  
  


"What's in Russia?" He advanced on me as I shrank away from his touch.  
  


  
  


"My past."  
  


  
  


"Bullshit, Remus. Now answer me, what's in Russia?"  
  


  
  


I didn't answer. I couldn't answer. I felt sick, yet I was standing there as if I wasn't. I couldn't…my body was not my own.  
  


  
  


"I think I can answer it for you then. Voldemort."  
  


  
  


I turned around in a surprise.   
  


  
  


Yes, Sirius. You got it. Now, you must help me. I screamed. Or at least I thought I did.   
  


  
  


But Sirius, oh Sirius didn't hear me. He was cold. He was angry. He was in rage. "I thought so," he said as he gripped his wand. He was raging.  
  


  
  


No, Sirius. No. You have to help me.  
  


  
  


"No, you don't understand. I-" I fought the control of the Imperius Curse. I fought it with all my strength. He had to know.  
  


  
  


"Oh, the nerve of you. You were the spy all along. How could you do this to me. To Lily and James? What kind of *beast* are you!" His remarks froze my struggle. I remained motionless, his harsh words echoing in my ears, tearing at my heart, fueling the anger in Sirius. I could no longer fight.  
  


  
  


"How could stand there and pretend like you are our friends? My lover? How could you!"  
  


  
  


"I am not a spy," my cursed mouth said so automatically, even I couldn't convince myself, "Padfoot."  
  


  
  


"Don't you dare use that name! You Death Eater!" Sirius flung me against the wall with his wand. "I should have known. I should have KNOWN! You can't HIDE your dark nature. DEATH EATER!"  
  


  
  


No! I cried, but my mind was going. I could no longer fight it. I felt his heat, his punches, and his angry words. He pushed me down to the bed roughly, and slapped me across the face with his maddening fury.   
  


  
  


The contact of his hand on my face temporarily snapped me back into the reality. I could feel my burning skin and tearing eyes. "Stop it! Sirius!" I shouted, pushing him away. But Sirius did not hear my cry. He continued to slap me, until his hand turned red. As I lay whimpering under him, he brutally ripped the clothes off, and discarded his own trouser.  
  


  
  


"Now, death eater, you should get exactly what you deserve."  
  


  
  


"Siri-"  
  


  
  


"Shut up!" Sirius punched him on his lean stomach. "Shut the hell up! SHUT UP."  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


**Severus Snape:  
**  


  
  


I heard of the English werewolf spy rumor from the others, and dismissed it as nonsense. Sure, Voldemort had many werewolf supporters, but none was trained as a wizard. And to be a spy, one had to fit in with already established circle of friends, workers, etc. Everyone was suspicious these days, and nobody trusted anyone, let alone a man or halfbreed. To gather any major information to be a use to Voldemort, one had to be in a high position. Working for the ministry or for the Order. And there was no werewolf working for them. Not that I know of.   
  


  
  


Of course, there was one werewolf that had the high position and connection.   
  


  
  


However, Lupin did not fit the profile. He didn't need anything from Voldemort, unless if you think he wants werewolf rights and all that Voldemort promised to the werewolves. But he would never pull off being a spy. He's too honest and a terrible liar in the aspects not concerning his werewolfism. His golden eyes were too honest to fool anyone, let alone Dumbledore.  
  


  
  


And most of all he loved his friends to the point he would die for them. When I heard of the Dark Lord's outing to London and the Ministry of Magic. I became uneasy. I've been unable to dig much into the Potter spy, and the rumor of werewolf made me think of Lupin.  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


**Sirius Black:  
**  


  
  


I pushed his trembling legs apart and held the slender hands above his head. Without a warning, I pushed my hardness inside roughly. Remus quivered under my firm grip, his bloody mouth trapped under my wanting mouth.  
  


  
  


I moved slowly above Remus, ignoring the agonizing whimpers and feeble fights from him. When Remus almost buckled me off, I punched him again to silence him. Almost covering the little frame of him, I pushed in and out forcefully. Only driving for my ecstasy, my reward, my vengeance.  
  


  
  


When the pressure around my cock wasn't enough, I grabbed Remus' legs and pulled it tightly behind my back. My cock was glistened by my sweat and the blood from Remus. I moved in and out quickly. I wasn't thinking. I wasn't human. I wasn't even a beast. I was a pure rage.   
  


  
  


The only sounds of the room were my heavy breathing, the sound of squeaking mattress spring, and the sound made by my rape.  
  


  
  


"Is this what you wanted?"  
  


  
  


Thrust.  
  


  
  


"Is that what Voldemort give you?"  
  


  
  


Harder.  
  


  
  


"You beast!"  
  


  
  


Deeper.  
  


  
  


"You fucking fuck."  
  


  
  


I wanted to hurt him, make him pay for the bad deeds. Making him pay for all the heartaches and jealousy. I wanted to hurt him for hurting me. Lying to me. Going behind my back.  
  


  
  


"Is that why you were never interested in me? Huh?"  
  


  
  


Thrust.  
  


  
  


"Did you enjoy being Voldemort's FUCK TOY?" With that word, I came. I gripped at his hair, pulling it tightly. I wanted to hurt him. No, I wanted to kill him. I should have killed the death eater.  
  


  
  


But I couldn't.  
  


  
  


I pushed off his broken body with this warning, "Go back to your master, but I will kill you if you ever come before my path again." I spat at him, "If I see you again, if you hurt any of my friends…"   
  


  
  


I left, unable to finish the sentence.  
  


  
  


I was weak. I should have killed the death eater as I was trained to do, as an auror. But in the back of my rage I still saw him as my friend, my partner, my love. I knew he was the spy. He was the one. I composed myself inside the muggle restroom in the near by pub. I looked like shit. My hands were still bloody, and my eyes looked blood shot. I looked mad, not in a rage mad, but crazy mad.  
  


  
  


I splashed the cold water against my face. I was going to check up on Peter, then to Dumbledore. It would kill Lily to learn that Remus was the one, but what has to be done had to be done. I could hear the Halloween music in the air as I slipped out of the pub, unnoticed.  
  


  
  


  
  


**Severus Snape:  
**  


  
  


You could say I was shocked, no totally got my gut kicked out, when I saw Lupin's bruised face and his battered body. At first I thought he must have been tortured for information. But I didn't see any death mark and he wasn't dead. Neither the marks of curse or defense. Also his wand lay inside his belt pocket, untouched.  
  


  
  


Maybe he had taken it unrepentantly, but that wasn't likely. Werewolves have uncanny sense of smell and hearing before and after the full moon. Unless of course, Lupin had his narcoleptic attack. But I didn't see any sign of that either as I was checking over his body. Then I peered open his eyes. Dead gold stared back at me. They were dilated.   
  


  
  


Probably from the Imperius Curse.   
  


  
  


Shit.   
  


  
  


There was only one person who could have gotten Lupin without him being prepared. Lupin had to know the person. He had to trust the person enough to not have his wand near him. Ready to strike.  
  


  
  


Fuck.   
  


  
  


I should have seen it coming. I knew it was someone close. Someone so close, none of us would ever see it coming. I should have known years ago, what kind of fucker he really was.  
  


  
  


Sirius Bloody Black.  
  


  
  


I know I should have gone directly to Dumbledore, but I couldn't just leave Lupin like that. I didn't want others to see him like that either. He needed to be removed of the curse. I spelled him clean as best as I could under the circumstance.   
  


  
  


I checked his fire place, but it wasn't connected to floo network. Black must have cut it off, in case Lupin fights his way back to the reality. If I were Black, I would have killed Lupin. But he left the witness alive. That was sloppy. Probably because he thought he could get away with it. Have the power and the lover. Confident fool.  
  


  
  


I held the limp form of Lupin securely against my body. I couldn't apparate until I was out of the protective ward placed upon the flat. There were muggles near by, trying to look as muggle as possible. I hurriedly ran toward the dark alley, away from the prying eyes.  
  


  
  


I apparated to the Dark Forest, the safe spot, just outside of the protective charm. Under the darkness, I could see the pale walls of Hogwarts reflected from the moon. As I approached the castle, I could smell the Halloween feast inside.  
  


  
  


  
**  
**

**Peter Pettigrew:  
**  


  
  


I had the golden egg. I had the ultimate prize to secure my position as the top Death Eater. I shall mourn for my friends, I will even mourn for that little bastard Harry, who likes to poke my face and then laugh in my face. I was a kicking bag for even that little bastard.   
  


  
  


I won't be the 'lil Petesy to anyone, not anymore. I felt like howling against the moon. I felt like I won the Quidditch match, won the House Points to win the House Cup, got the girl of my dream. I felt as if I was on the top of the world. And no one would be wiser.  
  


  
  


  
  


**Lily Evans:  
**  


  
  


I should have known something was up with Remus. I should have. However, the month of October has been tensed. We knew Voldemort wanted us. We knew his death eaters were tracking us down. Professor Dumbledore had already advised us to take him as a Secret Keeper, but James decided against it. He said it would have been too much stress on the old man, and he couldn't possibly accept his mentor's offer.  
  


  
  


Of course, our natural choice had been Sirius and Remus. Sirius was James's best friend, and Remus was mine. We knew we could trust either one. However, Remus had been gone. He had gone to former Russia, and of course, because of the secret nature of the Order, we really did not know much of what the other members were doing. We did not know about Severus Snape either.  
  


  
  


When Sirius suggested Peter as a bluff, I did not know what to think. It seemed risky, yet it had made sense. No one would think of Peter as our secret keeper, which meant we would be safe.   
  


  
  


Or so we thought. I should have known better. I should have known why our Sneakoscope went off when Peter was in the house. We thought it was broken. I should have known why Remus never contacted me. It was so unlike him. I should have known something was up. I should have.  
  


  
  


But in the end, I did not.   
  


  
  


Only moments before my own death, I knew. They said that truth will be shown during the moment of passing, and in that moment of my death, I knew. I knew the past, the present and the future of everyone in that baby blue room. I saw mine, Voldemort's and my son's. In that order. In that exact order.   
  


  
  


I saw flashes of my own life. They were comprised of happy memories. My family trips, birthdays, first day of school, kissing James, graduation, marrying James, having Harry.   
  


  
  


I saw the flashes of images of Voldemort's past until the moment he was here in front of me. His life had been the flashes of pain. His life in the orphanage had been cruel. The taunting of the other kids, the beatings from the caretakers, the death of his pet snake, rejection from his adoptive families. On and on.   
  


  
  


Then a flash of happiness. The letter from Hogwarts. His new family and friends. Acceptance. A face of a young woman. Love. Joy. Happiness. The face of someone familiar. Professor Dumbledore. Then anger. The Chambers of Secret. The revenge.   
  


  
  


The secret marriage. A long journey to some place I never seen before. Little cottage with a snowed rooftop. Laughing face of the young woman. Peace. Anxious smoking outside. The cries of a baby. A new born baby son. The first step. The first magic. Joy. The bedtime stories. Golden hair of a boy.   
  


  
  


Full moon. Scream. Blood. So much blood everywhere. Bloody hands. Stained floors. Cries. Arrival of four uniformed men. One face stood out. Harold Potter. I knew that face in my son. But it wasn't the face I was used from the photographs. He wasn't smiling or looked kind. I saw the reason why he wanted to kill James and my son. Revenge. The four faces of men and the young dying boy. Sickness. Worries. Hopes. No answer. No answer.   
  


  
  


Lost hope. Death of his wife. Rage. Revenge. Dark arts. Revenge. Back to England. The search. Back to Hogwarts. The face of a golden brown haired boy. Relief. Younger Remus walking with younger James. Revenge. Dumbledore. Rage. Bombings. Deaths and smokes. Revenge. Present Remus. Studying. Rejection. Anger. The sound of Remus calling him, Father. Bittersweet joy. Imperio. Waiting. Watching. Directing. Guarding. The tombstone. Full moon. Anger. Peter. Revenge. James. Harry. Pain. Darkness. Alone. Waiting. Waiting. Young man. Hogwarts. Dark Forest. Unicorn blood. Younger James. No, grown Harry. Revenge. The stone. The pain. Dark Forest. Alone.   
  


  
  


Return of the rat. Return of the death mark on the sky. Bidding his time. The plan. The tombstone. The pain. Death Eaters. The resurrection. Peter without an arm. Older Harry. Revenge. Lost. Rage. The plan. Bombs. Curses. Older Severus Snape. Torture. Bait. The war. Older Sirius. Grown Harry. Revenge. Ultimate curse. Older Remus. Older Dumbledore. Wolves. Silver arm. Shock. Rage. Pain. Wolf. Remus. The light. The end.  
  


  
  


One thing was certain, my son would live and Voldemort would not.  
  


  
  


That made me let go, in peace.  
  


  
  


I saw James standing, waiting for me. I saw all the other faces, familiar faces. My father. My mother. And even Meg. James and I walked among the familiar faces toward the light.   
  


  
  


  
  


**Remus Lupin:  
  
**

  
  


When I jerked awoke, I was alone in the dark. I barely noticed my surroundings. I had to get out of there, wherever I was. I think I walked. I slowly gathered my broken body together. I got up. I took a step. I stumbled. I got up again. I heard the celebrations nearby. The dark air was happy and enthusiastic, although I didn't know why. I saw the owls fly by, and the showering of the shooting stars. I heard the whispers "Potters. Yes, Potters. Their son, Harry," "War is over. You-know-who is gone," "Yes, twelve muggles and a wizard," and "Black. Yes, Sirius Black from that family of Blacks." But I didn't care. Something was calling me and I had to hear it.  
  


  
  


My feet was bloodied and caked with muds by the time I reached the place I hasn't seen since I left my childhood behind. When I finally reached the Dafford Castle, I was sure my leg was broken in two places. I welcomed the pain when it hit me, for it was the sign that the Imperius Curse was fading if not gone.  
  


  
  


Dafford Castle stood darkly against the still air. The ground was familiar; I could have walked with my eyes closed. I didn't know why I was here. I let my feet carry me. Limping from the pain was my only reality.   
  


  
  


The familiar castle was closed and full of unattended weeds and fallen leaves on the ground. I had never come back, since the death of Mr. Stafford. My things were gathered and brought to Hogwarts by our house elf, Wardley, whom I never saw again. I didn't know what led me to come here. I know I should have gone to the hospital, the Ministry, or Dumbledore.  
  


  
  


The old rusted gate squeaked open, when I put my weight on it. The dried leaves crunched against my shoes. The house smelt of dead air and moth balls.  
  


  
  


"Wardley!" I called, "Wardley! I am home!" The raspy sound of my voice startled me, but I continued to call for my friend. "Where are you?"  
  


  
  


The house was deadly still. All the furniture were covered in white dust sheets left and right, eerily resembling ghosts. In front of me was the grand stair, dividing the castle in half. East and West wings. To the far inside the castle was the old kitchen, where the big fire place was. I strained my ears, trying to hear the ghost of my past.   
  


  
  


Then I heard it.   
  


  
  


I ran, limping and all, trailing my muddy feet and letting the bandage fall apart. My feet did not move toward the kitchen. My hands reached for the stair rail, and I drag my hurt leg as I ascend toward the West Wing, the Forbidden Wing.  
  


  
  


When I leaned all my weight on the door, it gave away, and I fell with the door. The white dust rose around me, temporarily blinding the place. When I look around to the source of the sound, I found myself staring back at me. Then I saw Wardley. And someone was behind him. I raised my eyes and saw who it was.  
  


  
  


Mr. Stafford. He was smiling back at me. And there was more behind him.  
  


  
  


It took a week for them to find me.   
  


  
  


  
  


**Madam Pomfrey:  
**  


  
  


The war was finally over.   
  


  
  


You-know-who was gone, destroyed by a little baby Harry Potter. The prophesy was true. His parents paid dearly for it. The wizard world began to pick up the remains of the war. Many death eaters were captured along with the underground supporters. More revealed more the victims found. Mostly dead or near dead.  
  


  
  


November had been a blur. Everything was still fresh, shocking. Sirius Black being the spy. He had been their best man at the wedding. Harry's godfather! How could he…. He had been their best friend. In cold blood, he killed Peter Pettigrew and the twelve others in a single deadly curse. The witness said, he didn't even blink. He laughed instead.   
  


  
  


Laughed! He was still laughing, when they took him away. They said he was already stalk mad before he set his foot on Azkaban. It chills me to the core to think of him as young and smart boy of eleven. Such a promising boy. What a lost…  
  


  
  


Remus. Oh sweet Remus. If it hasn't been for Severus, he would have been dead too. Maybe it was better he didn't have his mind to witness the trials and his laughters as they took Sirius away. Everything had been so confusing. It took three aurors to find Remus, and Dumbledore to bring him back. And they said he didn't come willingly. He nearly torn the room and the aurors apart, until Dumbledore hit him with the stunner.  
  


  
  


Even with the stunner, he had fought, hard, until his body failed him. His body had been starving for basic needs, food and water. For a week, he had been sitting in that dusty room alone, staring, crying, laughing, staring, muttering, going mad in front of that mirror.   
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


**Remus Lupin:  
**  


  
  


Tick.   
  


  
  


Tock.   
  


  
  


Tick tock.  
  


  
  


Tick tock, Lupin.   
  


  
  


When is it all going to end?  
  


  
  


That's always the main question, isn't it? When is this class going to end? When is Sirius going to end? When is it all going to end? When is my, so called, miserable life going to end? When is Sirius going to end you, again? When is it all going to end?  
  


  
  


Tick tock tick tock. Clock's ticking, Lupin. The time is running out.  
  


  
  


Actually, my time had already run out when that werewolf had bitten me. "Stupid boy. You are coming with me. We'll need to take your blood now. Still boy. Why doesn't he talk? Smart for his age. Something's going on. The time is running out."  
  


  
  


SHUT UP.  
  


  
  


Why? I think he can talk. The time is running out. Tick tock tick tock.  
  


  
  


"What's the matter with him?" I could hear Sirius's voice above me. Yesssss, what is the MATTER with me? This imperfect beast, this meek ghost of a boy I had once been? What is the matter with me indeed. You are asking the wrong question, my dear friend. The right question is what the hell is wrong with me?  
  


  
  


I say everything, dear Sirius. Everything. And there's nothing you can ever do about it. You can't fix me, oh no, not this one. You can't fix this one. Not you either, Mr. Stafford. You left me to the wolves, they took you from me. I killed. I killed. I don't know.  
  


  
  


"You murderer! I will curse you if I can remember any!" His voice shouted at me. I fought the voice. I fought the accusations. I felt that tiny pinch on my leg, and I fought against the tight holds that had my body. That helpless struggle. The struggle with obvious outcome. The struggle I could never win.  
  


  
  


Tick tock, I don't feel the pain anymore. Only the bitter longing for the things I should have felt.  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


**Albus Dumbledore:  
**  


  
  


"Does he always stare like this?"  
  


  
  


"Yes, mostly. He's in his own little world." The healer cleared his throat, "I think we should try something drastic. He needs to wake up from his state."  
  


  
  


I nodded gravely, unable to take my eyes off of his eyes starring at the void.  
  


  
  


"It would be five times a week, for ten weeks. We'll monitor his progress, or lack there of, and notify you by the hospital owls, of course."  
  


  
  


"Of course," I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. Hands strapped and legs bonded and his face...  
  


  
  


"We had to put a ball in his mouth, so he won't bite off his tongue, or anything else," I turned back at the healer, startled, "we had several incidents," finished the healer.  
  


  
  


"Is he…really that…" I was unable to finish the sentence.   
  


  
  


The healer nodded as if he understood me, "he's very sick, Albus. He doesn't know what's real and what's not. What was real and what was-"  
  


  
  


"Only in his mind."  
  


  
  


"Yes," the healer said, "He had been under the Imperius Curse for over a year. Then the mirror of Erised for the week. His mental defense has been turned in and out, and he now blocks everything present. He's stuck inside the maze of memories and distorted fakes. It's amazing he didn't totally lost his mind. He's battling the nightmare and the fantasy all at the same time. Some days he would be happy with the fantasy of his deepest desires, the others…he would be horrified of the reality of what he had gone through. He's in post-tramatic shock upon that the effect of the Imperius Curse and the Mirror.  
  


  
  


"How could he tell what's real from what's not? He has seen something traumatic, things that people had forgotten, the memories that had disappeared, or worst, the memories that had never even existed in the first place. That only he desired them to be real. The memories of things that had never even happened, the repressed memories of the horror or secret and so on.  
  


  
  


"Whatever the matter with him was only in his mind. If he realize this, then we are at the half way."  
  


  
  


"Half way?" I looked at old healer.  
  


  
  


He looked grimed. "Of recovery and insanity."   
  


  
  


"And if he doesn't?"  
  


  
  


He followed my gaze to Remus, "He will remain forever trap in his nightmares and dreams of memories."  
  


  
  


"Can I?" I grabbed the handle.  
  


  
  


"No, Professor Dumbledore. It's too risky. It's not safe for you."  
  


  
  


"I can take care of myself," I said stubbornly, but I did not turn the handle.   
  


  
  


The healer's hand lay firmly on my shoulder. "It's not safe for him either. He might take you for a threat. And we don't know what he might do…"  
  


  
  


"Can he fight this? I mean, he's smart, always had been," I've seen his abilities as student and as the member of the Order. "He was the smartest student I ever knew. He-he can find himself out of this-"  
  


  
  


"No-"  
  


  
  


"Why not? Why can't he? He can do it. I know he can." I was becoming desperate.  
  


  
  


"No. Because his mind is where the problem is in the first place, Professor," I let go of the handle, defeated. The healer gently squeezed my shoulder in comfort.  
  


  
  


"He's no longer a child, sir. You're not his guardian anymore. Let the lady of the fate decide."  
  


  
  


"Let the fate decide…" I mumbled as Remus began to wail against his binds, his golden eyes flaring with intense power, his whole frame lighting up with the white aura. I turned away from the small window of the silver door, "I need to believe something extraordinary is possible."  
  


  
  


"I know, sir. I know. We will find it if we can. You should go. Go back to Hogwarts. You can't stay here forever. Focus on the students at hand. I am sure they need you much more than… You know what I mean."  
  


  
  


"Yes…I know what you mean." I have duties as a headmaster of Hogwarts, just as the healer had his duties. The new Minister of Magic would need my help also, to rebuild the system and the world that has suffered so much under Tom's hand. "Good bye, John."  
  


  
  


"Good bye. I will take good care of him, Albus. He'll be fine under my care."  
  


  
  


And I left. I left the poor boy alone with the strangers once again. I let him down again. I let her down again, because I was too scared to take on the responsibility. I had failed them both again. And I failed Tom Riddle as well.   
  


  
  


I knew he was still alive, bidding his time. He will come back, to claim the one that's most important to both of us. Yes, he will come back. It could be tomorrow, in ten, twenty or fifty years. He will come back. I hope to Merlin I would be ready.  
  


  
  


  
  


**Severus Snape:  
**  


  
  


I cried. I never cry. I shouldn't cry. I wasn't little anymore. I was an adult with responsibility. I was a potion protégé, a death eater, a spy, and I am a Potions master. I couldn't look at him anymore. In that room with the ball in his mouth, his hands and legs bind securely, only with his savage and lost eyes free to stare into nothingness.  
  


  
  


Lupin had fought us all, when we tried to bring him safely back. He wouldn't let us take him away from that blasted mirror. It was only after Dumbledore had send it crashing away from his view, did Lupin let us take him. He too stunned and exhausted to fight back anymore. Too tired to laugh or cry anymore.  
  


  
  


I cried for Lupin. I cried for the little boy at the dairy farm. I cried for the Longbottoms. I cried for their little boy. I cried for their lost. Them with lost eyes, lost innocence…  
  


  
  


I cried for my mother. Then I cried for my father. I cried for his wife even. And when my tears stopped flowing, I stepped back from Lupin's window, composing myself. I shall never have to see Lupin again after this, and that was fine. I shall remember him as he was in Hogwarts, as he was at the London Library, working vigilantly, not as bloodied mess in the London flat, not as starved man in that dusty castle room, not this crazed shell of a man in the St. Mungo's.   
  


  
  


When I walked out of that floor, I was back in control. Severus Snape was back and I would never let that mask slip again. I would never shed my tears again.  
  


  
  


  
  


Tbc…..  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


  
  


Review please!   
  


  
  


And tell me what you think about the 5th book.   
  


  
  


I stood in line with other Potter nerds at Walmart to get the book on the midnight of the released day. Most of us were college students or adults. People were looking at us, wondering what we were doing, and whenever someone asked, the people would go "The Book" Not Harry Potter book. The Book. It was like waiting for the most important thing. I felt like we were in this huge club. I dragged my best friend with me, which she recently became the Potter fan after I practically thrust them in her hands to read.  
  


  
  


  
  


Samson: thanks! Your review made me post this chapter finally. I've been toying with it for a month, and yes I will write more about Severus, for he's my second favorite character.  
  


  



	18. PART 2: THE TIME LEAPS

This is more like Part 2 of the Truth. The lost years of Remus Lupin will be described as the story progresses. Such as where did he go after he was discharged from the St. Mungo's. For a hint, he went to Ghana, New York, Canada, etc….  
  


The story of San and her clan will be described further in the future too.  
  


Jaderising  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


**PART 2  
  
**

**Chapter 18: The Time Leaps  
**  


**Year 1981: the night of Halloween  
  
**

**Forest of Inu  
  
**

**San:  
**  


I stopped dead, my ears twitching, my nose sniffing the air. Mool halted beside me, he too sniffing the air. He too could feel it. His golden yellow eyes focused sharply on the moon above us. He was reading the signs.  
  


*Well?* I asked impatiently.  
  


He watched the sky, his furs standing up slightly. *It is done*  
  


My legs gave out, and I crouched to the ground, my ears slacking back. I tried to read the signs too, but to me they were just beautiful stars. Meaningless to me. *Is it-*  
  


*The human pup?* Mool shook his head, *Not yet.*  
  


Not yet. It wasn't my human pup. I blinked and looked up to the moon. It was waning. I could feel the magic in the air. The power. It wasn't Remus. But Dark Lord was gone, for now. If Mool was correct, which he always was at reading the stars, not yet meant it wasn't over. Dark Lord would be back. The Prophesy of the Stars never lied. It's our destiny. It's determined. Nothing we can do to change it.   
  


*Mother's waiting.* Mool growled, *There's a trouble.*  
  


Before I could ask, Mool broke out into a run, his silver white tail disappearing into the dark trees. I looked up at the starry sky once again. There were showers of falling stars, probably celebrating wizards' work. I wished it were full moon, I wanted to call out to my pup, to ease his pain, but he's destined to go through them. Nothing I could do to change a thing.  
  


I heard Mool's calling, and I answered with a long howl. *I am coming.*  
  


We are the proud clan of Lunari Dar, the last of our kind. There are only handfuls of us left. We once ruled the land, before the man came into power that is. They killed most of the Gods with their new weapons, and we were resulted to legends and myths. I am still young compare to the others in our clan. Lots of us believe the age of Gods is over, that we should never come back, but I am the daughter of our Mother, the wise one. I don't believe in their views.  
  


Men would need us in the future, as Mool predicted, however what that could mean to our kind, is still not written on the stars. It was he, who will save us all from the destruction that was to come. He was the one warrior that the wolves of Lost Ages (as the wizards labeled the era), my ancestors, prophesized.   
  


I knew it the moment I stared at his young eyes, so long ago in that cold and barren country. It was his destiny that marked him as a human wolf. Mother told me, I had to be patient and wait for the things to happen, but I was still young and impatient she wolf. For me the time passed too slowly. But as the time taught me, you can't change the destiny. I tried to bring him to our clan years earlier, but again it was not meant to be.  
  


As I arrived in our forest to find a human hunter on the ground with Hanl's muzzle bloodied, Namu's still form next to Dhan, one question that had haunted me lingered in my mind. Would the clan accept the human pup as our own?   
  


*What happened?* I asked Mool, who stood silently watching the still form of Namu.  
  


*Namu's dead.* Mool said silently.  
  


I looked at Namu again. She was the beloved she wolf of the clan. Little rash in her decisions to time to time, but now she was dead. Shot down by a muggle hunter in the dark. Hanl was furious. He always wanted us to leave, and now we are short of one member. One less Lunari Dar.  
  


*Is he dead?* I asked Mool about the human hunter.  
  


It was Hanl who answered, *One less man. The other's needed to be killed as well.*  
  


*The other…* I followed Hanl's stares to where Dhan stood, guarding the bleeding human boy, slumped against his white coat.  
  


*You've taken one for the other. I think that's enough* Mool growled, walking in between the Dhan and Hanl.  
  


*The human saw too much.* Hanl growled back, *Namu needs to be honored.*  
  


The human boy was bitten in the leg, even if he survives, he will be a werewolf. A powerful one, created by the Lunar wolf, instead of mere human werewolf during the full moon. The boy was doomed to life, even if he survived the night.  
  


*You killed the one responsible. You've bitten his pup. I think Namu's honored.* Dhan growled, showing his teeth.  
  


*He saw too much.* Hanl didn't back down. Blood dripping from his muzzle as he bared his teeth. *He will tell the other humans. And more will come.*  
  


The others agreed. *The more will come if the boy survived to tell the tale.* Mool licked the still form of Namu, in front of Dhan, in show of respect. Dhan watched Mool's action, *Human won't survive the night with his injury. Leave him.* Dhan said firmly, still not backing down from Hanl's challenge.  
  


Mool raised his head and stood beside Dhan's side. The show of support. The other wolves were divided now. Some wanted to leave the boy, the others wanted the blood. The clan hated human with passion, even Dhan, who was fair and wise, dislike humans. Hanl was the only wolf that challenged Mool in the past. Mother fears our clan will be divided again in the future.   
  


*No. The human will tell. He must be killed or more will come.* Hanl came closer toward the boy.  
  


But Mool saw something in the stars, which he refused to tell the others, he only says everything will be as it would be. It was not yet answered in the stars and the moon, and I continued to hope when the time comes, I will be able to convince the clan as well as my human pup.  
  


*The human stays then.* It was Mother who spoke, coming out from the forest to the clearing. Everyone bowed their heads in respect. Even Hanl must obey, and he backed down slowly, lowering his head. However the fire in his eyes didn't die down.  
  


Mother walked toward him, *One for the other, Hanl. You've honored Namu. She knew she shouldn't have been here. She was foolish and bold. Now she's dead. You've killed her killer. Namu will be pleased.* Mother faced Mool and Dhan, *Take the boy. He shall live. He will play a role on the Promised Day. That I have foreseen.*  
  


We bowed low as Mother left, and later howled for Namu's spirit through the night. The human boy will not be accepted, but he will be safe as long as Mother protects him. I watched Hanl's flashing eyes at the boy as Mool gently put the boy on the Dhan's back. The dead hunter's body was dragged away from the spot to be left to the other creatures of the forest. Hanl carried Namu's body to our sacred ground followed by the others. I didn't follow anyone. I watched the dark sky instead, trying to read the stars that were no longer shining. The Day was coming slowly. But as it was the time, it was surely to come.  
  
  


**Year 1984  
  
**

**St. Mungo's Insanity Wing  
  
**

**Remus Lupin:  
**  


"Your name?"  
  


"Riddle."  
  


The young healer looked back at me with a knowing look. I hated that look. He hated that look. "Want to try that again?"  
  


I sighed and nodded. I couldn't meet her eyes, her needy eyes. "My name is Remus J. Lupin."  
  


"And your middle name?" Her quill made annoying squeaking sounds as she scribbled on the parchment in her hand. I stayed silent, focusing on the sound of that tap, tap, tap of the raindrops outside. Was it really raining outside? Or was it all an illusion?   
  


"Remus?" Her overly concerned voice disgusted him. It scared me, because she was trying to be my friend. I didn't have any friends. Why is she doing this?  
  


I tore his eyes away from the enchanted window, "Jeremiah."  
  


"Good. Now, that wasn't so hard, was it, Remus?"  
  


I shook my head a little. Give her what she wants. Give her what she wants and I would be free, I told the wolf. We would be out of here, and nobody will find us.  
  


"Your age?"   
  


"Twenty-three."   
  


"Sex?" The young healer said it huskily. She's been toying with me for months. Ever since the young healer came in charge of me, she couldn't wait to get into his pants. She knows everything about him, even his ambiguous sexuality. Especially my sexuality. That young healer was actually turned on by it, and nothing stopped her from looking at me with that look. That needy, sex lusted look for months after months. How she wanted to smother me with that look.  
  


And who knows, maybe she had already had him before, I didn't remember much about the past three years. Only flashes of memories in this white, unbearably, white and sterile hospital.   
  


"Male," I said without any emotion. I was almost out of this godforsaken place, he could make it this time. No, I could make it this time. I need to stop thinking me as he. The third person. But the wolf was different being. It was there always in the back of my mind.  
  


The young healer cleared her throat lightly, obviously disappointed at my reaction. And so the final interview went on for few more minutes, which was followed by a physical examination.   
  


The wolf hated this part the most. He never made it this far through the final review before. He had been denied three times during the interview with healers in the past, and now he had to just endure the woman's uncomfortable touches. I had to calm the wolf, he will kill her in a second, he almost did before, and I won't let him ruin our chance now.  
  


I stretched out on the cold stainless steel examination table all in my glory. The harsh lights shone at my pale and unusually unscarred body. I turned my face away and closed the eyes, when the young healer came near me with those plastic gloves on her hands. She turned on the neophysic light, which would let her see every scar that was invisible to human eyes. She touched the scars; old and new, self-inflicted and in many fights, and of course, many hospitalities of the healers here. The silver scar on my shoulder blade shone the brightest, never betraying who he and I were, the one being.  
  


His sensitive smell picked up the doctor's favorite perfume. It was the same one that Lily's sister wore at the station many, many years ago. The very one, that would have made Wardley sick to his stomach. I smiled faintly at the memory of Wardley, then of Lily. She had been my first friend at Hogwarts. He had been her first crush. She had asked him to the dance. He could still smell her flush, her desire hidden by her boldness, her careless attitude. I remembered so much better now. He had forgotten many other things…   
  


But my train of thoughts stopped abruptly, when I felt the doctor's hand on my chest, her ungloved hand, cool to the touch. "I want you," her hot, wanting mouth near my ear, whispering her lust. She kissed his ear, and repeated again. "I want you. Now."   
  


The wolf in me knew he couldn't refuse her. If he did, he would be here another six months, and he knew, she would have him one way or the other. I just had to let myself be him for a while. It was easy, just pretend I wasn't there anymore.   
  


He had let her kiss him on the mouth. He had let her take off her clothes and climb on top of him. He had let her move slowly, then fast, on top of him. He had let her bite his lips and moan against his lips. He had let her cry out in pleasure, and he had closed his eyes as he felt the tenseness of his body going away.   
  


I haven't thought of Sirius, since I had been more aware of my reality. But the moment she had came on top of him, only thing I could think was Sirius Black. How Padfoot had moved on top of Moony, and how Sirius had kissed my lips.   
  


"Kiss me. Kiss me now." The wolf did not hear the young healer's needy demand, but I heard my lover's whisper.   
  


"Kiss me, Re," Sirius whispered and groaned. I reached up and caressed Sirius's sweaty back.   
  


"Kiss me. Kiss me now." Sirius demanded urgently as the bed squeaked. Sirius thrust himself into me, and they had both over came with pleasure. I kissed Sirius's wanting mouth eagerly, his hands reaching for the perfect round arse of his lover.   
  


"Careful there, Re. You don't want me to get hard too fast." Sirius laughed and kissed me wettly. His hardness already inside me.   
  


"I like your arse, Padfoot."   
  


"Oh do you now, Re. I wouldn't have guessed it."   
  


More laughers and lovemakings…  
  


Sirius had panted on top of him, like a real dog in some way.   
  


Sirius had panted heavy and loud always.   
  


Sirius was a wonderful kisser. He knew how to work his magic, his charm, didn't he? You thought, he loved you, didn't you? Didn't you?  
  


You freak.  
  


"Loony, loopy Lupin." The voice of Malfoy ranged out loud. Avory gripping my hands against the wall, tightly. It hurt.  
  
  


"Lupin, we can't let you pass, until we try out our new hex on you." Bale said with his wand ready.  
  
  


"Loony Lupin, aren't you scared? Oh oh, are you going to call for help? Don't have to try it, because your own house wouldn't care whether you get hexed or not." Malfoy said as he grinned. Taunting me with his truth.  
  


"Snape, come and join the fun," Goyle called out over Bale's shoulder. "Let's put the girl inside the Cichlid's slime."  
  


I was startled to realized Snape was there. He was sneering. He knew he won't help me, and I knew I didn't really expect him to. Malfoy grabbed handful of my hair, pulling them. "I mean, look at you. Your hair, long, like a girl. You hang out with girls all day.   
  


"You are bizarre case, aren't you, Lupin? With a face like that, no wonder you have no friend to save you from us. If you aren't careful, people will started to think that you are a nancy boy. Or even worst, you don't have it all together in the head." He pulled Lupin's hair roughly, making Lupin wince."Do you understand? Loony, loopy Lupin? You freak."  
  


Shut up!  
  


I shook my head out of this torment as the young healer went for another round. I stared at the white ceiling. Sometimes my view was obstructed by protrusion of the blonde hair of the doctor, but in any case, I starred at the white void just the same. The wolf wanted to kill her, but I had to stop him. I felt the rush of tightness, and I groaned, releasing my tensions into her. She bit my neck, drawing blood. The wolf felt that too, and he wanted to taste the blood. He wanted to kill her for me.  
  


He had waited for three years, and he supposed he could wait for few more hours. So he let me starred on, but he didn't let me forget to answer questions, when the healer asked him. She knew I would accept her touches in return of my freedom. That was our secret agreement. She wouldn't report my discharge to others until I am long gone from here, and I wouldn't yelp a word about her conduct.   
  


Professor Dumbledore would come for me if he knew I would be out or send Professor Login or McGonagall, but I didn't want to see any of them. Not even dear Madam Pomfrey, who was like my aunt. She had come to see me every weekend she could get away since I could remember properly. No. No one would bear to look at me, if they knew what I knew, if they knew the truth about me.  
  


I was the heir of Slytherin, the son of Dark Lord, who killed their friends, family and students. I was the source of evil. I was the one who killed James and Lily and Peter and Meg and Mr. Stafford.  
  


The healers thought my babblings were loony talks, stating that I was depressed and a bit neurotic. Then the wolf got smart and we got our acts together. We fooled them into thinking I was as sane as I could be and back to normal healthy man. No more babbling on about you-know-who, San or anything remotely unusual. But they forget I was never a man to begin with…  
  


As a house elf wheeled him out, he starred at the note that the healer gave him at the end of the review. "I want to help you, Remus," she whispered, and then ran her fingers through his silvering hair. "If you need someone to take care of you, I'll always be there." She looked into his golden eyes, looking for something. When I did meet her eyes, she smiled, thinking it was the strong and magnetic wolf staring back at her.   
  


"Take this. You might want to use it someday."   
  


The letter was hastily written, explaining how and why she needed him to contact her. I would have laughed, if I knew how. I crumbled the note in my hand, but then he saw what was in the backside of the note.   
  


An advertisement for the America: Come, come every wizards and witches. No one is unwanted in the America, the land of free.   
  


There was more, but he couldn't make it out very well in crumbled paper. I didn't want to read it, and he couldn't make me.   
  


The wolf heard the real sound of rain now that he was outside. The dark sky would light up for few split of a second as the lightening struck by. The darkness was a change for him. For three years, he had been inside the white walls and ceilings and floors. I walked on. He walked on to the world without any friends or family with the scent of the real world lingering in his mind.  
  


He and I grinned, when we were far from that dreadful place. When I saw my reflection on the Thames River, I saw the strands of silver on my otherwise light brown hair. My profile was waving, breaking up by the drops of rain. I could barely make out my eyes against the changing shapes.  
  


"We are free," I said to myself, and the wolf in me yelped out an agreement, content and excited. "I am free. I am not going to need you anymore." I told him out loud, watching the eyes. "I need to be alone now. Go." I commanded the wolf, and I could feel he was angry. He was part of me for so long, he didn't want to go. I saw the fire in the eyes.   
  


"Go," I said firmly again. And I felt his presence retreating, my anger dissipating away with him. He would be back every full moon, I knew, but just not now. I need to be human now. I didn't need him to take my pain away anymore.  
  


I walked through the London Bridge, singing the silly childhood tune softly, utterly mindless, utterly observed in the song. I didn't notice the muggle cars going dangerously close to me, nor did I notice when they splashed my robe couple of times. I was singing and nothing mattered. I wouldn't sing that song again after I left the bridge, until in a very different country, in front of many smiling children with eager eyes and happy smiles.  
  


London bridge is falling down….falling down…falling down….London bridge is falling down…falling down…  
  
  
  
  


**Severus Snape:  
**  


So Lupin had been discharged and had disappeared without a trace. I was hoping Dumbledore might send the aurors to find him again, but even I knew that won't happen. Lupin was no longer a top priority, the aurors are busy with their own, and I knew Dumbledore won't ask of me to find him, like he did at the end of the war.  
  
  


"What do you mean he's gone?!" I shouted in face of Pomfrey. "He was right here. Where did he go without his wand, woman!"  
  


"Professor Snape! I told you," Pomfrey was heaving with her own anger, hold the shards of broken glasses on her hands like she was about to strike me with it, "I heard something and when I came back, he was gone."  
  


"Stupid woman," I growled under my breath. Did Lupin heard about the Potters? Of Peter Pettigrew's fate? What was so important that he drag his bloody body away from here? Did he even know where he was?   
  


"Was his curse lifted?"  
  


"I-"  
  


"Don't tell me you don't know!" I yelled again.  
  


"Severus," I wheeled around to face who it was. Dumbledore. He must have come back from the Privet Drive.   
  


"Yes," I said impatiently. "Professor?" I added a bit later as not to be rude.  
  


Yes, it took three of us about a week to finally track down the wolf boy. Dumbledore was most insistent that we find him, not that I could care about what Dumbledore wanted at that moment with Pomfrey going "Really!" in the background. When we entered the ancient castle, where Remus was most happy, we felt the oosh of the power around that place.  
  


"Did you feel that?" Auror McGrenor asked. And we nodded to each other.   
  


"He's here," I said.  
  


Auror Kinney looked over the ground, "This is weird. It almost feels…it's too weird."  
  


"Let's go in and see, why don't we?" I said impatiently and stepped inside, followed closely by the two aurors.  
  


The house was dark, even in the day time.  
  


"This is too…" Kinney trailed, as we looked around. Weird. Haunted.Freaky. Anything that came to our heads were probably true. The house looked deadly silent. It didn't sound deadily silent. It looked deadly silent. The hairs on the back of my head started to stand.  
  


McGrenor pointed his wand out, "Yeah…" We were whispering as if we were bothering something sacred.  
  


"Shut up, listen." I whispered. We strained out ears for any sound. There was no sound. Then… "There!" I said, and we ran up to the stair, and Kinney shouted "Alohomora!" and we found ourselves running into each other's back like the Three Stoogies as the door remained shut.  
  


"Let's try it again, why don't we?" I whipped out my wand and commanded the door to open, which promptly did not open.  
  
  


I broke my own promise and went back to see him again, and again. He didn't recognize me at all. He shrank back the first time I was allowed in his white room, his big gold eyes full of fear. When I visited him for the sixth time, he let me pet his hair, like he was a tamed pet. The seventh time, he didn't even want to see me, he started to growl. The eighth time, he let me hold him, for a while. Then he shook and cried "Sirius," so hard that I had to leave. Sometimes he stared at my eyes and nothing else. He stared at my dark hair curiously and tried to put his nose against it. Smelling my hair. Trying to find Black's scent, I am sure. And I held him against my chest, cradling his thin shaking body.  
  


Lupin thought I was Black that first year. When he began to recognize me, I stopped myself from coming. I didn't want to risk him remembering. He said my name once. Just once he said "Severus," and he held out his arms. And that was enough.  
  


I heard of him through Pomfrey, and she came back one day with tears. I saw McGonagall consoling Pomfrey, and I knew Lupin was up and gone. I knew it was just the matter of the time. I knew it coming, but I still couldn't explain why felt so hollow. Like I was truly alone for the first time. I was an orphan once again. My mother, killed and gone. My father, killed and gone. My step mother, killed and gone. Lupin, gone.  
  


My life in Hogwarts were the repetition after repetition. My only escape was the Quidditch matches and bets against McGonagall. My continuing Wolfsbane potion research took on a new direction, when I accidentally added Moonstones and moon flowers together. It was only a matter of time, until I published my findings, anonymously. Death eaters don't get second chances in the world, at least, not officially.  
  


I dreamt of my happier days. My carefree early Hogwarts years, the moments alone with Lupin, my recognition in the Death Eater ranks, becoming the potions master, gloating in front of McGonagall for the Quidditch Cup and House Cup, success of Wolfsbane potions, then always I dreamt of Lupin calling my name, "Severus."  
  


I resented him for leaving me. I resented him for calling me Sirius. I resented him for recognizing me. I resented him for making me feel this way. I was obsessing with someone from my past. A beast. Not even human. I was obsessing with a thing, and it didn't matter how many potions I brew or how many hours I researched, Lupin was in the back of my mind. Always.  
  


The return of my enemy's prodigal son didn't make my life any easier. I had to endure the same, piercing stare of Lily upon with his father's same pompous hero act.   
  
  
**  
**

**Year 1992  
  
**

**Infirmary  
  
**

**Albus Dumbledore:  
**  


I waited in silence of the Infirmary. I've been in this room many times before for many years. In this same bed, Remus had occupied in many times once as a student. On the night of the Halloween, Severus had put Remus in this very bed. When I had came back from the Privet Drive, the bed had been empty. The traces of his bloody steps on the floor, and his blood on the broken window, where he had escaped in delusion, were still there.   
  


He had been under the Curse so long, he had failed to realized where he was. Only his basic need compelled him to escape. It took many days of search, until Severus realized where he would have gone. The place of safety. It wasn't Hogwarts. It was Dafford Castle. There. He had been driven to the brink of death and further madness by the lure of the Mirror. I had moved it to Hogwarts, in hope that no one would come to be contacted with it.  
  


However, Harry did. Curious and smart. Deathly combination for many mischievous students. I had to move the mirror once again, even telling Harry of its terrible power of driving the powerful wizards to madness.  
  


"Good afternoon, Harry," I greeted Harry, as he stared at me. Whole and safe. Everything was fine. Voldemort had failed. Barely. But he failed nevertheless. I knew he will try again. I knew he will come back.   
  


Harry interrupted my thoughts: "Sir! The Stone! It was Quirrell! He's got the Stone! Sir, quick --"  
  


"Calm yourself, dear boy, you are a little behind the times," I told him. "Quirrell does not have the Stone."  
  


"Then who does? Sir, I --"  
  


"Harry, please relax, or Madam Pomfrey will have me thrown out." And she always did when I upset Remus in one of his fits. So I had to stop myself from seeing him. It hurted. Deeply. I still could see his wild eyes. Voldemort's eyes with the touch of golden curse of the werewolf. Forever, condemning him to the life of a choice. The Promised Day, he will have to choose…  
  


"Destroyed?" Harry broke into my thought again. "But your friend – Nicolas Flamel --"  
  


"Oh, you know about Nicolas?" I asked, quite delighted that he knew the details. "You did do the thing properly, didn't you? Well, Nicolas and I have had a little chat, and agreed it's all for the best."  
  


I had been writing to him, when I received the letter from Russia, bearing the news of her death…  
  


"But that means he and his wife will die, won't they?"  
  


"They have enough Elixir stored to set their affairs in order and then, yes, they will die."   
  


Everyone dies, Harry. Everyone. Death comes to everyone, and no one can escape from it. No one can be saved from it either. I know. I know this, because I tried my best to find the way to bring the dead back to life.  
  


"Sir?" said Harry. "I've been thinking... sir -- even if the Stone's gone, Vol-, I mean, You-Know- Who --"  
  


"Call him Voldemort, Harry. Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself."  
  


Voldemort. Tom Riddle. He was still alive, and he will be back. Back for Remus. I must find him, before Tom does. I must.  
  


"Yes, sir. Well, Voldemort's going to try other ways of coming back, isn't he? I mean, he hasn't gone, has he?"  
  


"No, Harry, he has not. He is still out there somewhere, perhaps looking for another body to share... not being truly alive, he cannot be killed. He left Quirrell to die; he shows just as little mercy to his followers as his enemies. Nevertheless, Harry, while you may only have delayed his return to power, it will merely take someone else who is prepared to fight what seems a losing battle next time -- and if he is delayed again, and again, why,  


he may never return to power."  
  


Harry nodded, then said, "Sir, there are some other things I'd like to know, if you can tell me... things I want to know the truth about...."  
  


"The truth." I sighed. How I hated that word. The truth. How I wanted to tell the truth. "It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution. However, I shall answer your questions unless I have a very good reason not to, in which case I beg you'll forgive me. I shall not, of course, lie."  
  


I won't lie to Harry. I won't repeat my mistake again. But I shall wait for him to grow. He's much too young. Much too vulnerable. I need to find Remus. I must tell him the truth now. He has to know. I have to tell him, before Voldemort does. He has to know everything. Even if it meant he will hate me forever. Even if it meant he will choose to leave.  
  
  


**Year 1993  
  
**

**Canada  
**  


"How did you find me, Professor?"  
  


Dumbledore didn't seem surprised, "Remus, my boy, when there's a will, there's a way." He laughed heartily as he clapped my back in a friendly manner.  
  


Still the same humor.   
  


I was glad to see nothing had changed. A consistency was what I crave. I had to smile a bit at seeing his face, still very much the same. Although my own appearance seemed to have changed since we saw each other last. My hair was graying with silver strands of hairs, my robes worn down with fraying edges and holes and uncared for, and my wand unused for some time, stuck in my wand belt.  
  


I seemed to have aged a millennium since Hogwarts. I felt old. I didn't feel worthy of his presence. "Were you going somewhere in a hurry?" Dumbledore asked, indicating my battered suitcase, a gift from Mr. Stafford long ago. It still had the etchings of Professor R.J. Lupin on it. The work of my dear children, long lost to the shadow. I didn't want to remember the past. Especially the children, who had decorated for me one long years ago, also I didn't had the heart to throw away the suitcase Mr. Stafford gave me. Apart from the old wand he gave me as the last Christmas gift, the suitcase was the only thing I could hang on to. But I couldn't think of that.  
  


I shook my head, "No, Professor. Just taking a walk." I smiled at him, but I could tell he didn't buy it. However, I was grateful he let me pass. His steel blue eyes seemed understanding. But how could he know what I had been through?  
  


"Remus, then do you mind if I take a walk with you?" I shook my head, unable to turn him away. Dumbledore brightened up, "Great. I haven't had a good long walk since the last Dark Age." He began to walk on, and I resumed my stride also.   
  


I was afraid he might want to chat, but to my surprise he didn't. We walked in silence. My wound was hurting, but I didn't want Dumbledore to notice. It was humiliating enough to let him see me like this, but I had my pride in my own mending. I've done it millions of times before, and it was the only spell I could do well without reaching back, too far in my memory.   
  


When the air cooled and the lights became dull, Dumbledore finally stopped my stride with his hand on my shoulder. He said quietly, "Enough, Remus. It is enough. Stop blaming yourself. It is time to stop."  
  


"What do you mean, Professor?" I asked truly dumbfounded. What did he mean? How could he know? Anything? Was he spying on me? But my wolf sense would have known that-  
  


Abruptly, Dumbledore pulled me into his arms, and held me so tight that I cried out in pain. Dumbledore put his hand on my wounds, and it healed in a matter of a second. I guessed I watched him like a school boy in awe of his hero, until he said in his gentlest voice, "The time to heal is now. You need to come to term with your pain, your lost, and you will heal like your physical wounds. I need your help, Remus. Hogwarts needs you." He talked calmly, like he was talking to one of his students.  
  


I knew of the rumors, of course, how could I not? Voldemort and the sorcerer's stone and the chamber of secret. I heard it all. Some tales were incredible, the others unbelievable. I refused to believe them, but deep inside I knew. I knew the truth. Voldemort wasn't dead. My father lived…  
  


Now Sirius Black had escaped. And he wants to kill Harry Potter. I wanted to refuse Dumbledore, I wanted to spit on his face and tell him to go to hell for all the eternity for bringing me back from the depth of the Mirror of Erised, and now stopping me from running, but in the end, I knew he would win. I knew I would have to face my fears and my madness. I had to face my past. I had to save Harry from Sirius. Or at least die trying. It was my fault after all… I had to be the one to fix it.  
  


So on the First day of September, only a day after the full moon, I boarded the Hogwarts Express Train again. I was exhausted from the nerve and the moon. I fell asleep as soon as I settled down. I dreamed of Lily for the first time in a long year. Her eyes burned brightly green in my dream, and she let me hold baby Harry in my arms, while Peter and James looked on with smiles. And I looked around and asked, "Where's Sirius?"  
  


Lily smiled and said, "He's coming for Harry-" And I was startled awaken as the train lurched to stop. The moon was hidden by the storm outside. I was as blind as the student next to me.  
  


"Quiet!" I said as I reached for my wand but stopped. My body ached, I wouldn't be able to do too much magic with my state. I managed to bring out the blue glowing ball with just my hands. An old trick, I had mastered it years ago. I gripped my wand with my left hand as I went for the door. I needed to concentrate very hard to bring out the Patronus. I could smell their stinking deaths even in my weak state. I thought hard of the image of Lily with Harry. When the Dementers did come, I was ready.  
  
  
  


Tbc….  


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Thanks for reading, and leave feedbacks! You know I love them.  
  


Ginerva: Thanks very much. I made Sirius infuriating in this fic. I am a bit of Severus fan.  
  


Elmtree: Thank you for thinking the the plot is fresh. I borrowed heavily from books and movies for the plot. And of course other wonderful fics I read around. The ending of book 5 shocking yet understandable. I wasn't sure whom Remus would choose in the end: Snape or Sirius, but now I have made up my mind.  
  
  



	19. RETURN OF THE GHOSTS

**Thank you all the reviewers. I am sorry I took so long to update this chapter. There had been major changes in my life. I moved thousands of miles to ****New York City**** from a small town I had lived for many years, and started new school. I will try to update the story as often as I can. I want to say your words made me go on with the story. So enjoy! I am looking for a good beta reader, so anyone wants the job, contact me. **

**Now, the story is adult, so the little children like Harry, Ron and Hermione won'****t have their own story until much much later. **

**Jaderising**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Chapter 19: Return of the Ghosts**

  


**Year 1984  
**

**Accra, Ghana  
**  


**Remus Lupin:  
**  


"You are Mr. Lupin?" A friendly voice called out to me, as I turned around to face the owner of that warm voice. She was pleasant looking large native woman in her early 40s with colorful Ghanaian clothing. She reminded me of Madame Pomfrey with her easy maternal smile.  
  


"Y-yes, call me Remus. Mrs. Elizabeth Nansanuurr?" I tentatively asked, and before I could get a confirmation, she came up and pulled me into a tight hug.  
  


"Welcome to Ghana, Remus. Call me Eliza. Elizabeth is just too mouthful. I will be your mother hen here. How was your trip to Africa? Have you been here before? Not since the visit of Queen Elizabeth years ago, was I so excited to see someone from England." She whipped out her wand and pulled my hand toward the exit with colorful signs. "You here is a life saver for us, Remus. Nobody wanted to take the position after Ndugu left us so suddenly. Your qualification was beyond our expectation. Come, everyone wants to meet you."  
  


That was how my life in Ghana started. Eliza was very bright and a caring lady, who took me under her wing as one of her own. She cared for the orphaned wizards and squids, all ranging from a just a new born baby to 17 years of age. They didn't even flinch when I told them of my condition with the full moon. For them, the supernatural was just as natural as the sunrise and sunset.   
  


My life in Ghana as a professor was the happiest and most unexpected gift I've received. But like everything, no cursed man could live happily forever.  
  
  


**Year 1993  
  
**

**Remus Lupin:  
**  


I haven't been a teacher in years, and it was amazing how everything came back to me. Little by little, I was able to remember how to teach, how to read signs of children and how to do magic all over again.   
  


I wondered if I had done the right thing, coming back to Hogwarts, after all these years. Everything reminded me of my past here. I told myself over and over many times in the past that I was not running from my past, but I now believe I was, in fact, running. All those years in St. Mungo, being crazy or loony, as Peeves likes to remind me these days. Funny thing was it was not started out by Peeves or Malfoy, but Sirius.   
  


Like I said, everything reminded me of my past.  
  


I had escaped to Ghana, Africa for better part of the 80s. I had wanted to believe myself to be useful in teaching those children, but in deeper sense, I had been running away. I wonder when I could face my past, and this, now at Hogwarts, was my test.  
  


Baby Harry was, all but, grown up, as I had expected, but my mind was surprised how actually he had grown over the years. In my mental picture, Harry had always been a baby I had seen him last, but now it was replaced by a thirteen year old boy. A young man almost.   
  


He looked so much like James, and it pained me every time I saw him. He didn't know how wonderful his parents were, all because of my foolish wondering in the woods. I know that I shouldn't be guilty over the things I didn't have a control or couldn't change... I know that I didn't kill James and Lily. Vol- my father did, I know that. Sirius killed them, I know that too. But knowing it and believing is two totally different things.  
  


I did know it. But it was me that had spurned everything in motion. I did it. And I couldn't tell Harry the truth. I couldn't tell him about James and Lily. I couldn't even tell him how his godfather had killed them for my father. How I had became insane instead of taking care of him for his parents. How I had been running instead of facing the truth.  
  


I was a coward, a same meek beast who had no friends, was still being held against the cold dungeon wall, unable to do anything. All I could do was to teach Harry the Patronus Charm. It was only thing I could do to help Harry. Even then, I had a hard time controlling my feelings. I had to stop myself from hugging him. I am not worthy, you see. I am not. I was the uncle Remus, but I had abandoned him. It's funny, how I could shut away the son of my best friends from my mental state, but I did it. I never thought of Harry, not even once, until that day I heard of the rumors in Canada. It was already an old news back in the Britain by then.  
  


Coming back to Hogwarts numbed me. Everywhere I went, the ghosts of the past followed me. Every room and every corner, I saw them. It was a heaven and a hell at the same time. My teachers became my colleagues, which made everything worst. I kept calling everyone Professors and I can't quite bring myself to think of them as my colleagues at all. So I kept putting on the pleasant mask and the light talks to stay out of everyone's way.   
  


Professor McGonagall had the same strict manner, as I had remembered. Madame Pomfrey had gained bit of weight, but she was still the same motherly woman I had remembered. Filch still gave me the same growl but with more restrain, even his cat, Mrs. Norris was respectful and did not screech at the sight of me. The Whomping Willow, she was still standing with her temper in check. I never thought I would say this, but I had missed her angry presence. And somehow I think she missed me too, in a way. I get a funny feeling when I touched her trunk for the first time in years, as if she was saying hello to her old friend.  
  


Hagrid was still old Hagrid. He showed me new wolf tracks in the forest, reminding me of San and her beautifully soft white coat. And then, eventually…and always of Sirius, for coming after me. I tried not to think so much. Not to remember too much either.  
  


The constancy keeps me in line now. I have hard time accepting Professor Logan is really gone. He had been the warmth in the cold dungeon, but now he has retired and, according to McGonagall, living in Bahamas to heal his old war wounds. Severus was his replacement since the war, and he is still the same, I supposed.   
  


Same brooding mood with dark piercing eyes that always stares back at my own. He doesn't come to collect my blood anymore, but he comes to bring me my wolfsbane potion every month. He doesn't talk much, and I don't expect him to. But I am glad to see him alive and well. Sometimes I dream about the white walls of St. Mungo's, and oddly, sometimes I dream of Severus in it.  
  


Funny, out of all my friends, it is a Slytherin who stuck around. I had to smile at that, because I wouldn't have guessed it for the million years. Then again, it is not so laughable as I thought. I, being, the heir of Slytherin. Question was why did the Sorting Hat put me in the Gryffindors? I was not brave or noble. I was a coward at best, and a murderer at worst.   
  


And a beast in between.  
  
  


**Severus Snape:  
**  


"Hello, Severus," Lupin said without looking back, sensing my smell or hearing my footsteps before I spoke. I stood beside him, watching his glowing eyes watching the dark sky. His glowing gold always interested me, even if they were the dead give-away sign of being a werewolf, one can't help but admire the beauty of the wild untamed nature of the curse.  
  


"Lupin." My eyes followed his gaze and I was soon watching the waxing moon. "Rough night?" I asked a bit grumpily, feeling a bit ridiculous, acting like we were old friends. We weren't friends for a long time, if you would called our relationship during the first year a friendship. We might be associates at best, but not a friend. Never a friend.  
  


Lupin ignored or didn't hear my question, and went on worshiping the moon. But I couldn't be acid toward him tonight, who stood beside me in some sort of dreamlike trance. Moon Calling, the book would describe such a trance. It's like why dogs or wolves howl against the full moon. It's worst for werewolves, who ache for her existence. They love her and hate her power over them all at the same time. It's a vicious circle of pain and joy all in one. That is why they run on the night of full moon, to escape her power as they relish it.  
  


Lupin has changed. I had been surprised to tell you the truth. In my mind, I was expecting to see the younger Lupin, healthier and happyier, before the night of Halloween. However ridiculous my expectations had been, I didn't expect him to be so sickly looking man. The trace of his past was hard to find. His once clear golden eyes were clouded, dulled with age (or was it pain?) and lost its sharp brilliance since I saw him sane and with his friends. His once impeccable robe was patched, and it was practically graying with too much wash.   
  


But most startling thing was how he hardly seemed to notice it. He seemed to exist in total absent-mindness. More than few times, I've seen McGonagall picking up Lupin's quills from the staff room and putting it back on the desk. The ever studious Gryffindor had never ever forgotten his quill in all his years in Hogwarts. It had been part of him as his arm, for he had carried it behind his ears, and his ink stained fingers were the norm in the days.   
  


Pomfrey brings tea to his room every so often, and he even forgets to be subtle to our own dim witted Seer that he practically revealed his secret to her. So it was no surprised that I had to bring him the wolfsbane potion every month, to be on the safe side. I won't want the children in danger in any case. Although, I wouldn't mind if the wolf had a feast with Longbottom.  
  


Maybe it was the wolf's way of protecting his mind, by becoming absent minded, or was it a long term effect of Imperius Curse?   
  


That, I didn't know for sure. Nor did I want to find out. Most of my victims are dead, but I rather not think of those who lived, and how my curses had affected them.  
  


After Lupin took his moment to drink his fill of the day, he began to hum slightly. It was beginning to get on my nerve as he watched the sky without noticing that I was still there, waiting for him to give me back the steaming goblet.  
  


"What are you humming about, Lupin?" I asked grumpily, hiding my curiosity. A moment later, I was kicking open my dungeon room with a frustration, and throwing down the steaming empty goblet to the side. "Stupid wolf! Next time I shall hex his idiotic smile off his face!"  
  


Lupin had smiled ever so politely and said, "Nothing worth singing about." And he went on humming the tune, that strangely reminded me of the days when I was in preschool. Oh Merlin! How I wanted to strangle that wolf. I wanted to shake him hard and yell at his face until my voice went.   
  


The reality was, there was a former lover who happened to be a former death eater running around, trying to kill his best friend's son! Doesn't he know what kind of a man we are dealing with?!! Lupin's presence here could be more of harm than good. Even after Black had brutally assaulted Lupin, he called for Black. He thought I was BLOODY BLACK, and let me touch him and hold him.  
  


How could the wolf response to such a way to his enemy! Obviously, the wolf didn't understand what kind of real monster Black truly was. There's high probability that Lupin might help Black in his quest of murdering the boy who lived. That's the chance I cannot possibly take. Even if I hated his father, I don't want to see the little Potter dead by the hands of bloody Black. No, sir, I won't have that.  
  


Whenever I tried to bring up the subject with Dumbledore, he just goes right back to being the Gryffindors' fan, just like the old days. Just bloody great indeed! And the stupid tune got stuck in my head all night and to the morning. I was even singing the tune to myself, without noticing it, until Filch leaned over to comment, "Professor, thinking of the London Bridge, I see…"  
  


"What?"  
  


"The tune, professor."  
  


It was the bloody preschool song that Lupin had been humming. Thankfully, Lupin wasn't present that morning to witness my mind slip. He probably forgot to eat breakfast again.  
  


The Halloween Feast came like any other year, but this time, I was reminded of twelve years ago, as I watched Lupin converse quietly with polite smile on his face. His dead eyes were what I remembered the most. When I had opened his eyes and found it so dead, I feared the worst for a split second, until I remembered that he was still breathing. His eyes had been what had held me so captive. No other being had eyes like that as I told you before. A pure gold mixed with deep brown, highlighted by the lighter brown. If you were staring at his young eyes years ago, you would have felt your heart race like it's about to burst open as well.  
  


Lupin was back at Hogwarts, but with lights gone from his eyes. That night, I wondered what he had been thinking behind his fake polite smile and pretence of the easy manner.   
  


Until Black had broken into Hogwarts.   
  


I was so sure it was Lupin who let Black in, I told Dumbledore so, later that night to no avail. I knew it in my heart Black can't have entered Hogwarts without inside help, and Lupin was conveniently here to let him in. And he was not seen during the night. The guilty as default.  
  


Until I spied him sitting near the lake with the wand on his side. If I didn't have my Omnioculars, I would have missed him. Even during the dead of the night, I could make out his slumped form. Even without zooming in, I could make out his hands clasped in a prayer. For the longest time, he didn't raise his head. When he finally did, I could make out the tiny sparkles of the moonbeam on his tears.  
  


I watched Lupin, his clenched hands and glowing eyes. I watched his tears, falling down against his hands. My anger and doubts fading away like his river of tears.   
  


Yes, I watched him …  
  


I had a sudden urge to run and grasp his shoulder and hold him tight against my body. I wanted to hold him and hold him until his tears stopped flowing, until his cries faded away, until he stopped thinking of Black and his murderous touches.  
  


But I did none of that. Like I said before, we were never friends.  
  


"And especially not more than that," I whispered to myself.   
  


The thought of returning to my empty quarters in the dungeon had never felt so cold and lonely before. I went to my potions class instead. Boiling over a complex potion warm me right up, and the thought of Black slashing at the painting played over and over again, and as the night became lighter as the day came, a face of the painting changed to that of young Lupin of seventeen years old with his bright eyes.  
  


I put the bitterest tasting ingredient in the next wolfsbane potion that had nothing to do with the effect of the potion but with my own satisfaction.  
  


Double, double boil and bitter.  
  
  


**Madame Pomfrey:  
**  


I was organizing the white bandages from the colored ones, when I heard all these commotions outside.  
  


"—Professor, I am not-"  
  


"Oh yes, you are, Professor Lupin. Now go on." Minerva came in with her wand ready to shoot on one hand and the other hand dragging the person in question, "Unless you want me to start taking points off, you will do what I say, Professor."  
  


"What's wrong, Professors?" I asked, a bit humored and worried at the sight of them.   
  


Having Remus back brought back many fond memories of the past. I could remember how Remus had grown over the years from an awkward young boy into a fine man that drew attentions of the many girls and even boys by the time he was a seventh year. Oh, things I could tell from the looks. It's between you and me, but I can swear on my father's grave that I saw Mr. Malfoy casting an eye at Remus, when Mr. Black wasn't looking.   
  


Sirius Black… I tutted at the thought. What a loss. I would never have believed it back then, but of course, looking back, he was the son of those Blacks. One can't hide one's nature for long. Blood is thicker than water, I suppose. What a loss.  
  


"Poppy, I believe our professor needs a medical treatment before it gets infected." Minerva's voice brought me back from my thought to the two professors in front of me. "If I haven't looked when I did, he would be walking around with hands like that." Minerva pointed her wand accusingly at Remus.  
  


"Profe-Minerva, it's nothing. I've already taken care of it."  
  


"Give me your hands, young man," I said with those authoritative tones I used on trouble makers like the twin Weasleys. His hands were marked with reminisce of bad healing spells.   
  


I tutted as I looked at the wounds, but soon he was out the door in a flash like he used to as a student. He never liked the smell of infirmary, and that didn't change even as he has grown up.  
  


"Self inflicted….they are the marks of praying," I said.  
  


"What?" Minerva asked, curiously.  
  


"Like this," I showed her the clenched hands. "You see, they're the marks left by the fingernails, from praying. The nails have dug into his skins from too much pressure."  
  


"My Merlin, Poppy," Minerva said slowly as she sat down on the nearest bed. "My Merlin."  
  


I hugged her slumped form, comforting her as I have done to many of our students, "I know, Minerva, I know."  
  


"Do you supposed he…." She stopped, unable to get her words out. But I knew what she was asking. Was he sane? Was he safe to himself and to the students? Was he helping Black?  
  


I didn't know the answers to them, but I did know that the boy we knew as our student had gone.  
  
  
**  
**

**Remus Lupin:  
**  


Wolf was growing stronger now. He was angry that I was suppressing him away, even on the night of full moon. I am afraid he will come out and take over me like he did during my weakest moments. I believe he can feel my anger. As if my anger was feeding him to be stronger, I can feel his presence deep in my heart. He was thriving on my misery, and I am afraid he knows Sirius is close by. His whispers are getting louder as I stay longer at Hogwarts. He wants Sirius, and I don't know how to convince him that I have to kill his mate as I have to kill his presence with Wolfsbane potion.   
  


The bitterness of potion burned my throat raw as I drank every last drop of it. Sometimes, I think Severus wants to poison me. But I believe it's the wolf's dubious whispers, trying to turn me away from the source of danger as he would see Severus. He would not go without a fight tonight. I already felt a little light headed. As soon as I sat down on my wooden chair in my office, my head swims. And it reminds me of the days of my narcolepsy.   
  


My father had placed a curse on my body, ceasing my narcoleptic attacks from that day forward. And it affectively blocked me from the visions I had seen or dreamed. I can still see the snowed rooftop with the smoke coming out. I could still hear the laughter inside. But I've already forgotten the face of the woman who had called me so lovingly. Her face has faded away from my memory as the memory of her voice. However, I remember other things, when I am alone, when I am not teaching, when I am not on the move.  
  


"Reh-mus," a small boy stood in front of my bed, shaking his small head. "Get up, you are always sleeping." He pulled my hand lightly, "Sadia found this baby animal, and she wants to show it to you."  
  


"Benjamin, I-"  
  


"No, Reh-mus, you promised big mama you won't stay inside all the time," he looked at me with those ghostly eyes, and I nodded. Getting up from my bed, following his little determine figure outside. My Hogwarts room melted away as I stepped outside of the little clay and straw walls. The warmth of sunlight chased away my colds. Even my fingers weren't ridged.  
  


I looked around and I saw the laughing faces of my children. They were abandoned by local muggles who didn't understand the strange powers of their wizard children. Benjamin had been born in this place, and his biological mother had left him with disdain. Cursing the place, as many have done. But there were other children here with their parents' blessing as well. Sadia was the oldest of the bunch with age of sixteen. She would soon leave us to study to become a healer. She was hailed as a witch in her small village, when she was born with striking green eyes.  
  


"Professor!" Sadia smiled brightly as she saw us approaching, her hands cradled surprisingly a little white pooka, which was a sort of rabbits, who can turn invisible by one's will and highly intelligent. "Here, hold him." She saw my apprehensive face and added, "he's smart. He knows you are his friend."  
  


Surprisingly, the little fellow stayed calm as my finger brushed over his fluffy hairs behind his little ears. Seeing my surprised, Sadia said, "Professor, meet Harvey."  
  


"Where did you find him? I thought Pookas aren't native to Ghana."  
  


"They weren't originally, but they are smuggled into the country. I supposed the dealers couldn't find him and left him. He turned visible when I was studying the aqua plants near the water hole." Harvey stretched his body, and snuggled against my hands, surprising me even further. Most animals wouldn't dare to even look at my eyes, but this little fellow were practically using my hands as his bed.   
  


"Do you suppose I could keep him, Professor? I know we aren't supposed to keep magical creatures, but I will be leaving soon, and he won't be a problem. I can take care of him…please? Big mama will say no, but if you say it's okay…."  
  


I looked at her pleading green eyes, which were a dead giveaway of her magical power, just like my own. I looked down at the little pooka and I knew I was in trouble. "Please, professor~?"  
  


Then another little voice joined in, "Please Reh-mus?"   
  


I had forgotten Benjamin was there at all. There was far away sound. After a short consideration, I smiled and gave in as they knew I would. As both of them cheered and danced around me I said, "teach Harvey to be invisible around Eliza."   
  


They nodded most enthusiastically as this persistent sound was continued. "Harvey is smart, Reh-mus. He will soon learn to master his invisibility," Benjamin said eagerly.   
  


Remembering Eliza's way with me I whispered, "She has already taken away my smokes, and she was eyeing my robe the other day. Don't give her any excuses. It's my favorite."  
  


"You've smoked? Hmpt, that's an interesting habbit."  
  


Suddenly the yellow and orange scene of Ghana faded away along with the smiling faces of my children, melting into the cold and bare gray wall of Hogwarts. I blinked found myself kneeling on the floor, my palms frozen in front of me with my forehead wet with cold sweats. I turned around to face the door. Snape stood imposingly tall in his darkest black robe, his arms crossed his chest with his eyes glinting at me.  
  


"Severus."  
  


He came in further and stood in front of me, "I knocked knowing you were here. Nobody came so I took the liberty of opening. I've come to collect my goblet, Lupin."  
  


I looked around and before I could get to it, Snape was picking the smoking goblet from the floor not far from me. I felt cold wave wash over me, and I let myself down onto the floor. The moon was not far away, and I could feel her power, pulling me, hurting me, and comforting me.  
  


I felt nauseous as I always did. I wanted to throw up, but I didn't want to ruin the clean carpet that house elf had diligently cleaned the day before. I could smell Ghana almost. I remembered the smell well. It was earth and nature and beauty mixed into the pureness of African air. I didn't even notice I was heaving, until Snape's hands held me up from falling onto my own vomits and blood.  
  


I was closed to transforming, and I pushed his hands away and retreated to a corner. Putting my aching head against the wall, I told him to go. I could feel he was waiting for something. I didn't know what he was waiting for. I opened my eyes and found the goblet in my hand.  
  


"Here," I let the goblet rolled away from my gasp, "take it." Wordlessly, Snape swept up the goblet and let the door shut behind him with a small magical lock charm. My hands were shaking. I took off my robe with difficulty and laid it down where I could reach it after I transformed. The smell of my human self was always comforting to the human mind inside the wolf.  
  
  
  


**Sirius Black:  
**  


Being the Padfoot was easy. I was simpler minded and less stalk mad, I supposed. Crouching under the old dusty bed in the corner of the Shrieking Shack, I nibbled on a bone, brought to me by that orange cat. Strange, I never had any lucks with cats when I was in human form. I remember Filch's cat nearly scratching my eyes out, the old pub's Persian cat had gave me a good scar, the black cat in my seventh year( or was it my sixth year? I couldn't keep the dates straight….) who had nearly cost me my relationship with… Remus.  
  


Tonight was the full moon, and Remus will once again be Moony once more. I wondered where he was, whether he was even alive after what I had done to him. My Azkaban clouded mind whispered my fears in my ears that he was dead, that he had died because of me, that I had killed him, that I had left him to die slowly, that I had hurt him when he was trying to… tell me something. Maybe Moony had known Wormtail was the traitor. I shook my head, trying to dull the pain and chase away the demons.  
  


Maybe he was alive, the simple mind of Padfoot whispered. Maybe he was even in the same area, watching the same moon like me. I crawled out of the dusty floor under the dusty and broken bed to watch the rising full moon with guilty heart. I wasn't the traitor and murderer everyone thought I was, but I was indeed the traitor and murderer of Remus. That I could not deny. I had been going over and over that night in every single moments of my life at Azkaban.  
  


I shook my head to clear it once again. I should not think of the past and what I had lost. I should focus on getting Peter, on killing him with my own bare hands. I am coming, Peter. You can't hide forever.  
  


I howled against the moon as loud as I dared.  
  
  
  


**Severus Snape:  
**  


I stood against his door, listening to his panting and labored breaths. I looked at my pocket watch, it was nearly time. I had to make sure no students will come near his door and hear him. I listened to his muffled moans, as his body cruelly stretched and shaped into a form of the wolf. I heard his bones snapping and bending with the silent horror. I remember the wolf coming after me. It was the most terrifying moment of my life, although I knew it was coming. I thought I was prepared for it, but in that moment of terror I lost all my mobility.  
  


Long after his uneasy breath and unsteady pacing had died down, I stayed with my back against his door. I put a charm around the door to make sure he won't smell my presence through the crack under the door. Just a little wooden door was what's separating us. I had the small bottle with a potion I had perfected since I had stumbled upon it in our sixth year. I drank it, and in a blink of an eye, my body and robe transformed into that of a black cat.  
  


I meowed against the door, seeking the lost boy who had once been my keeper.  
  
  
  


**Remus Lupin:  
**  
  


Blood…everywhere. The smell of death lingered in the air, made me vomit with sickness. The hollow eyes of Benjamin stared back at me. Flies were already on him. I waved my hands, trying to force the flies to move, show the respect for the dead! I wanted to yell at those pests! All around Benjamin, there were more. Their eyes open, some of them with their mouths frozen in their agony and fear.   
  


All children. Dead. At the gun points.  
  


The hunters didn't show mercy, and now all my children were gone. I heard Eliza's wails far away. She must have checked the girls' dormitory. I listened for any survivors, straining my sensitive ears to ear any sign, any breath of life.   
  


There was none. Only the white of their eyes and teeth in the darkness, into nothingness. Into death and hell. From far away I heard a strange sound, it was getting louder and louder by the second, and until I saw the horrified face of Eliza in front of me, I didn't realize it was me that was screaming. Even after I realized what I was doing, I could not stop. Eliza held me tightly against her bosom, trying to console me, trying to bring me back from my shock, but the wolf was taking over, and I was retreating.  
  


I heard Eliza gasped and moved away from me, and I saw, with my own eyes, the white light radiating. From where, I did not know nor did I care. The whole hut was shaking and shaking. I did not hear Eliza's scream. I only heard the screams of my children along with the fires of gun shots. Only thing the wolf was thinking was revenge.   
  


The next morning the remains of the rebels of Montungu were found. None looked human, and of few that did were found with their hearts cut out from their chests. They said it was a family of lions who had attacked them. They said they found the traces of their paw prints, although it was smaller than normal size. They said they never knew the lion still roamed the plains of Ghana. They said it was the will of the God that had punished those rebels.  
  


But the wolf knows the truth as savagely as I did, reminding me every single full moon night from then on. I spitted out another droplet of blood. It was almost over. I could feel my bones remanding back to my human self. My front paw had difficult time turning back, and I was afraid it's broken. As another wave of memory and nauseas came, I no longer cared about my broken bones.  
  
  


Tbc…..  
  
  


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lilvoir: I love cute and girly Remus too. I think it's one of the requirement for slashy remus. I like strong and manly Remus and girly Remus all the same though. Severus will definitely have his chance with our wolf boy. ^____^  
  


Newcomer: Thank you for liking the story. I am afraid Voldemort is one of the most underrated fan fic character. I want to give him a voice. Heh~  
  


No name: I want a beta, but I haven't found a good beta! Anyone up for a job?  
  


Metamorphism: O_o you printed out my story? That's the best compliment ever! THANKS! Yeah, I don't believe in pure evil and good character. Eveyone's gray. Even Remus, whom I worship and torture insanely, is gray.  
  


Mandy: Sorry~ I will update often if I have more time, I promise! Thanks for waiting!  
  


Akira: Thank you for your warm word of encouragement. I shall do my best!  
  
  



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